THE END PROVETH EVERYTHING

Straw shall not be provided for you. Exodus (CCD Version, 1952)

Shhhhhh!

You can hear it, can't you?

The throaty growl at the rickety door? The muffled snarls leaking through a cracked, dirty window? The menacing tattoo of razor-sharp claws against rotting porch floorboards?

The wolf is at Dannie's door.

Take a look, perhaps for the second time, at last week's "Corner":

How Fr. Cekada manages to pay for all of [the many repairs to the crumbling cult center]  remains a mystery to me, for like the Hebrews, he is always making bricks without straw [sic!]. But I do know that more bills will be coming in, and more work needs done. Many of you, when you do come, contribute nothing, not even a token amount. How’s about it? If not for justice sake, at least for charity. Contribute your fair share to your church each week or each month. You know God will reward or punish you accordingly. As with forgiveness, we get to write our own ticket ...Will you alone come without a gift? God is never outdone in generosity but men are always outdoing each other in cold-hearted cheapness, whether in support or service. “Freely you have received. Freely give.”

There you have it! And in the Dirtbag's very own words. Confirmation of what PL's reported all along: the disillusioned Gerties are STARVING THE BEAST within decaying $GG. "One-Hand Dan" has mocked human nature for the last time. Vanished is his claim over the cultlings' income.

Ask yourself this: Why should culties surrender more of their treasure to the Wee One? He cynically warns, "more bills will be coming in, and more work needs done," while they remember he's just returned from unnecessary junkets to sunny Mexico and Argentina's wine country with its architecturally stunning bodegas (right on the heels of splurging on a vacation for two to chic New Mexico)!

How in the world could the Argentines have ever afforded the exorbitantly costly airfare from Los Angeles all the way down to Mendoza — a ways south of the Tropic of Capricorn —and then back up across two continents to SW Ohio? Didn't His Itinerancy recently describe his mendocino hosts as "truly poor, dirt poor, as they live a hard life among the dusty vineyards in Argentina. They even manage without a car, so that every little shopping trip or sick call entails begging a ride"?

He sure did!

Could the Mexicans, at least, have sprung to underwrite their part of Travelin' Man Dan's south-of-the-border autumn getaway?

Doubt it!

It's no surprise the cash-strapped Gerties are holding back: If His Profligacy can blow so much "needed" money on expensive foreign travel, then there's plenty of coin in the kitty to cover  upcoming expenses. Right? At any rate, cultlings never "freely received" anything from the Mammon-mad cult "clergy." Over the years, they've paid dearly for everything. Indeed, they've paid so far ahead they can give their exhausted pocket books a well-deserved rest.

Seeing that Gertlings have already sacrificed an un-fair share from their family fiscs for the "clergy's" comfort, they won't be intimidated by impious threats of divine retribution. Nor will they blush in shame at loutish insults or self-serving recriminations. They've become defiantly prudent cheapskates who also refuse to cook and clean-up-after an ill-bred "clerical" boys club.

Dannie's angry tirade against his wised-up flock foreshadows the impending end of the SW Ohio cult. But that's something you and we already knew. What IS revealing, though, is his wrong-headed reference to the Hebrews' "making bricks without straw." But first, let's show you why it's wrong.

Without the addition of straw (1) to allow the clay or mud to dry more easily and, as a binder, (2) to add stability to the product, the finished bricks would have broken and crumbled. (Straw, acting as a "flexible supporting lattice ...  will redistribute the force throughout the brick, decreasing the chance of breakage" [Smith, as cited in Capaldi, 2011].)  Pharao(h)'s taskmasters would, therefore, never have permitted the fabrication of such defective building materials. After all, scholars believe brick-manufacture was probably a government monopoly in ancient Egypt, since most bricks are stamped with the name of the king.

As any literate person who reads Exodus 5 will tell you, the problem for the Children of Israel was that "[w]hile some continued at the [brick] works, others went about the fields to gather up every grain of chaff and piece of straw which they could find" (Haydock). The consequent diminution of the brick-making labor force would've made it impossible for the Israelites to meet the daily quota of bricks set by the Egyptian overseers.  ("Why have you not completed your prescribed amount of bricks, yesterday and today, as before?" [5.14]).*

This means that the Hebrews never stopped adding straw to the bricks they produced; they simply produced bricks in reduced quantities, since under the new regimen they had to collect, sort, and chop the straw in addition to digging, tempering, mixing, and moulding the clay ("The people, then, scattered throughout the land of Egypt to gather stubble for straw" [5.12] ).

Don't get us wrong. We're not writing to prove (once again) that the cult masters can't read Scripture closely. (They can't — click here for a recent example.) No, the Readers see much more than the expected sede ignorance, for we possess the key to "One Hand's" subconscious messaging. Years of decoding Danniespeak, you see, have led us to conclude that "straw" = "collection money." Thus in Deficit Dan's erroneous reading of Holy Writ we discover the truth about the cult:

it's runnin' outta cash! 

Ever since the 2009 $GG $chool $candal, we've observed they've been having trouble making ends meet in order to pursue a jet-setting life of ease. But now financial straits are truly grave.  At the precise moment when the cult masters need the Gerties' meager financial resources the most, they're not forthcoming.

$GG is far beyond the stage of elective repairs. As Li'l Daniel himself wrote last week,

... we have been taking care of some repair/replacement projects which have come due, or have long been delayed. A small crew has been working on one of the roof leaks, right over the vestibule... The parking lot asphalt repair has been scheduled, finally, for next month. 3 ½ heating/air conditioning units have been replaced and seem at last to be functioning well

By their own admission, the cult masters can no longer postpone essential maintenance. Engineers we consulted estimate that, based on their experience, tens of thousands of additional dollars may be needed if the "clergy" have let things slide so, considering the shoddy cult center had a limited life to begin with and experienced serious problems from the onset. Unfortunately for Dannie and Checkie,  they can no longer count on the Gerties to cough up the large dollar amounts they need to keep $GG from its certain collapse.

Insults or threats notwithstanding, disenchanted Gertlings will continue to arrive empty handed, forcing Dannie to try to gather funds from outside the cult. After so many years, unaccountable spending has at last become a casualty. Any effort to glean money from afar is destined to fail: all Trad Nation has "One Hand's" number by now. As His Insultancy accelerates the name-calling, like the Hebrews of old, Gerties will leave the bondage of the traddie cult "company by company."

Just in time, too, for the wolf has already crossed the broken door-threshold.

*in his Jewish Antiquities (II.xiii.4), the historian Flavius Josephus (AD 37 — after 93) differs from Fr. Haydock in his explanation of the division of labor :

Although formerly furnishing them chaff for brick-making, [Pharao(h)] no longer supplied it, but he made them endure hardship in the works by day, and collect the chaff by night ... the distress for them being double... (our literal translation).

The brick-pit slaves' exhaustion, therefore, could also account for the drop in productivity.

Whichever scenario you prefer — Haydock's or Josephus' — the fact remains that the Hebrews kept on making bricks with straw, contrary to His Ignorancy. BTW, here's the Greek of Josephus if you don't believe us:

 ὁ δὲ ἄχυρον αὐτοῖς παρέχων εἰς τὴν πλινθείαν πρότερον οὐκέτι παρεῖχεν, ἀλλ᾽ ἡμέρας μὲν ἐπὶ τοῖς ἔργοις ταλαιπωρεῖν ἐποίει, νυκτὸς δὲ συνάγειν τὸ ἄχυρον ... τοῦ δεινοῦ διπλασίονος ὄντος αὐτοῖς ...

For anybody out in cyberspace who, like the cult masters, can't read Greek or understand the plain text of the Bible,  there's an alternative resource to confirm Dan's error. Cecil B. DeMille, who acknowledged Josephus near the end of the main title of The Ten Commandments, got it right, albeit with a little dramatic license:

John Carradine — "Aaron" [stentoriously]: "It is Pharaoh's order that you be given no straw to make your tally of bricks." 

Male voice amid the protesting Hebrew rabble [in outraged disbelief]: "No straw! ... How can you make bricks without straw?!" 

Edward G. Robinson — "Dathan" [nasally, with whining contempt]: "You will glean the stubble of the fields by night ... And remember: the tally must be the same!"

Didn't Dannie ever watch that flick?  NBC, we think, used to broadcast it nationally every year. Maybe it still does. His Deficiency should check his local listings this spring.

PUBLISHING TRUTH

Profred servyse stynketh. Chaucer

The existential threat of the onrushing collapse of the SW Ohio/Brooksville syndicate seems to have afflicted the Wee One with a tic, where he involuntarily discloses what's really got his goat.  Take this astonishingly frank paragraph from the cult's autumn 2017 newsletter:

[Name], one of St. Gertrude’s “founding mothers,” was called into eternity on September 3. For many years she was the one who did anything that needed to be done for St. Gertrude the Great and its clergy, from cleaning to chauffeuring to cooking (especially cooking!) to secretarial work to art, for she was a talented artist as well. Oh, and she did the laundry, too. God reward her many, many years of loving and faithful service. How I wish He would bless us with other...souls so deeply devoted to the Holy Mass and the Faith it perfectly expresses. Her keen never failing love of these things both inspires and reproaches our Catholics of today.

Although at paragraph's end there's a perfunctory and rather vague boilerplate reference to the departed's devotion to the Mass and the Catholic faith, the "virtues" he enumerates have to do more with groveling service to the $GG "clergy" than with piety: cleaning, chauffeuring, cooking, laundry, and clerical work. And you can bet that what really "reproaches our Catholics of today" is that no Gertling chick has been willing to step into the role of the "clergy's" charwoman.

Today's Gertie gal won't be fooled into mistaking a scullery maid's grimy kerchief for a heavenly crown. Nor would she find fulfillment in hurriedly and harriedly rushing to answer the tinkling of a bell when the bone-idle ringer, just ten feet away, could have gotten off his keister to speak to her — or simply performed the task himself.

Normally, even if only a matter of good taste, you'd expect a eulogy to underscore the specific and repeated instances of the deceased's holiness, with but a brief, perchance discreetly oblique, mention of servile work. We should've read of her regular Mass attendance, almsgiving, visits to the Blessed Sacrament, concrete examples of charity to others, faithful membership in a confraternity, ardor for our Lady, etc. Instead we're shocked to find a job description for a domestic.

All the emphasis is upon her bondage to workaday, menial tasks for the sole benefit of the "clergy," who themselves should've been capable of doing their own laundry, cleaning their own quarters, and transporting themselves. There's only the most general reference to the departed's fidelity to religion (which as practiced in the cult is sadly but a para-Catholic boondoggle: so much good-hearted effort for naught!). That makes it seem as though the reproof of today's Catholics isn't aimed at lukewarm faith but at their steadfast refusal to assume a servant's burden.

From the looks of it, the ever-gauche cult master couldn't manage to conceal his resentment over the fact that no one has volunteered to take this long-suffering soul's place. Her passing seems to be the occasion for him to wear his resentment on his sleeve, to lash out at others for not putting His Self-Importancy before their own and their family's good.

What gives us hope is that PL's not the only one who could detect Dannie's peevishness. Gerties see it, too. And we're sure many a cultie crone cackled to herself when she read his rueful words, "Spit in one hand, Bee-uh-shup,  'n' wish in the other, 'n' see which one fills up first."

YAG ORDER

Getting money is like digging with a needle; spending it is like water soaking into sand. Japanese Proverb

We like to think the obscure, easy-to-overlook, mundane details tracing the arc of sleazy cult life are more telling than a written confession. Take, for instance, the $GG calendar item for Sunday, October 15, 2017. There, sandwiched between parentheses, we learn the "2017 YAGers" will offer the stipend for the 9:00 A.M. High Mass.

On the surface, it appears an unremarkable clerical detail. And, yes, it has a ring of authenticity: If the soul for whom the Mass is to be said had attended the 2017 YAG, it wouldn't be impossible to believe that fellow participants ordered it up from the unused registration moneys. That's surely the impression anyone might draw from the notice, if she or he had bothered to think about it — or even paid attention

But it's not the only explanation.

A little thought will make our suspicions clearer. We see two plausible* scenarios behind the calendar entry:

A. One of the Gertie YAG attendees, either upon his or her own initiative or at the self-interested prompting of a cult master, shares with erstwhile get-together companions the sad news of the tragic death and polls them about offering a Mass from the unspent fees they wasted for their book-burning weekend last summer. YAGGIES, who got the message and who bothered to respond, give their express approval. Therefore, the Gertling informs the cult to make some of the funds in the YAG account liquid for the celebrant's spending pleasure. ** 

B. The cult masters, in need of Mass stipends, decide independently that surplus YAG registration fees should be applied for a Mass for the repose of the young man's soul and the comfort of his family. After all, the money's theirs now and should be used for necessities.

Laying aside (but never forgetting) the important question of the validity of $GG "clergy's" holy orders, in either scenario a Mass is said for the departed. That's objectively good, so the question is:

Why does PL give a hoot about who requested the Mass? 

Why don't we just let it go? Besides, it may well be nigh impossible for outsiders (and even rabid Gertie loyalists) to learn which is the more correct explanation.

Well, we've got three reasons for our inquiry:

First, scenario A is just a trifle too complicated, while B is simplicity itself. (But out of fairness, until we confirm B, we won't dismiss A. In addition, our faith in mankind's basic decency is so strong, we'll presume A until there's no doubt about B.) 

Second, we've always argued that in justice the unspent funds from the 2017 YAG registration fees should have been returned to the "2017 YAGers" and not squirreled away in $GG's bank account for uses other than the 2017 lonely-hearts misadventure. (Don't forget, they were originally baited with a Golden Corral buffet before the bowling-alley soggy pizza switch.)

Third, we've been observing lately how Mass stipends are paid by the Rosary Confraternity, the Alter Christus fund, or some other cult-sponsored-and-controlled moral person rather than by named human beings.

We surmise this absence of individuals' Mass intentions might be another sign of rapidly diminishing enthusiasm for the cult, a statistical oracle of its last days. Most independent priests we know are booked solid with Mass requests for months into the future. In fact, some are so overwhelmed that they're obliged to binate occasionally on weekdays. Common sense argues that $GG should be experiencing the same high demand from the faithful, so stipends shouldn't have to be paid from the accounts of cult enterprises.

For the time being, we can only wait, watch, and hope the end comes soon. (Tales of malaise in all the bishop-led trad cults abound.) Nevertheless, if only out of intellectual curiosity, we'd like to know whether scenario A, or something like it, is true. Accordingly, we're asking "2017 YAGers" to confirm whether they were asked either (1) to approve spending surplus 2017 registration fees to put money in "priests'" pockets or (2) whether they contributed afresh for the Mass. They can either e-mail us (pistrinalit@gmail.com) or comment anonymously. (We'll keep all email names confidential.)


* Some might argue there's a third scenario where some non-$GG YAGGIES learn of the tragedy, ask for contributions, and send in a stipend on their own. In our mind, that doesn't sound plausible.

** PL wonders about the exact amount of the stipend. We recall from our pre-Vatican II youth in upper-middle-class parishes that a High Mass stipend was twice the amount of a Low Mass stipend. Perhaps someone can tell us whether $GG charges more for a High Mass and what that amount is.

OPEN FOR BUSINESS

Through all the seas of all Thy world, slambangin' home again. Kipling

The Readers are finally back from their annual furlough. Those who coordinated the Lay Governance Conference returned with news of an unqualified success, and the Reader-in-Chief arrived from a vacation in the Mediterranean with some juicy news about the disgraceful Southern-European antics of a U.S.-based religious buccaneer. Some important — and moneyed — people over there are hopping mad, to say the least, and details of the whole unsavory episode have been shared with the Italian press. PL will have more on this later.

Since it'll take a while for our readership to learn PL's open again, we'll keep this post short. No sense in folks' missing good, hard-hitting slams at the scumbag cult masters. However, we can't pass up a comment on "One Hand Dan's" twin junkets to Mexico and Argentina (announced in last week's "Corner"), which came on the heels of the Dirtbag's low-keyed getaway with Cheeseball to oh-so-chic New Mexico. (Keep in mind that El Santuario de Chimayó, where Dannie recently made a "little pilgrimage," lies only a short 28 miles away from hip, multiculti, artsy Santa Fe, "The City Different.")

As we've been following the $GG collection reports over the summer, we wonder where the money's coming from to support all this lavish travel. From what we've seen, even on the better Sundays, the takings barely manage to exceed $4K: September 24, one of the Sundays "with an excellent turnout ... due to visitors" yielded a measly $4,196. (Remember it takes a lot of cash to support the
"Principal" and keep up with the repairs on the decaying cult center.) It's also important to note that right after bragging about the influx of outsiders, Li'l Daniel lamented "we are missing some of our own" and ordered prayers for their swift repatriation.

This latest spending-spree on travel reminds us of the pre-2009 $GG School Scandal Days, when money was no object. But now with diminishing numbers and ever-increasing maintenance expenses, all these excursions at home and abroad seem self-destructive. What happens if the Farmer's Almanac prediction of a mild and wet 2017-18 winter for SW Ohio is wrong? Will the remaining Gerties be called upon to bail Dannie out when "The Duke" (the energy provider for the cult) presents a massive demand for heating expenses?

In our humble opinion, the purpose of the Mexico and Argentina holidays is to dupe cultlings into thinking the Wee One is still a player on the international trad stage. (He isn't.) Big Don's got a completer stationed in Australia and is making noises about a "seminary" in France, while he occasionally jets off to Dear Old Blightly to impress the swells in London town. That must be too much for His Invidiousness to bear. We guess his ego must be stroked at any cost, lest the Donster's contempt grow. (That may also be why he puts up with all those pants-wearing Argentine gals.)

The international forays may give Travelin'-Man Dan an emotional boost, but what about the long-suffering Gerties? With the self-confessed shrinking cult membership, it's obvious those cultlings who remain with "One Hand" will have to make increasingly larger contributions. That may prove too heavy a burden in these difficult financial times.  Culties need to ask themselves once and for all whether it's worth it or whether it's now time to

STARVE THE BEAST.