VIRTUES LOUDLY VAUNTED, NOT PRACTICED

...ritum omnem ad suum trahere conatur arbitirum... ("he strives to transform all rites as he pleases"). Ammianus Marcellinus

Were we to tag this post, we'd classify it as a reminder — a reminder of the cult masters' infidelity to their own well-publicized principles. Long-time followers of PL will recall the Readers tackled the same subject in their June 13, 2015, post "COUNTERFEIT CATHOLICISM 3," where we observed, writing about Dannie and Checkie, "In hypocrisy-infected Tradistan, you can't expect the malformed cult masters to practice what they preach!" 

Today we'll scrutinize identical double standards practiced by Tradistan's "Superior General" of the recently announced lost-boys' club, the achingly pathetic "Roman Catholic Institute." In his cover letter to his announcement, Tradzilla grandiloquently wrote (our emphases):       

In the following pages you will find our three Directories. We want the lay people to see what we stand for, and invite them to adopt these very same principles in this great and life-long struggle we have all undertaken for the integrity of Catholic dogma, Catholic moral doctrine, Catholic liturgy, and Catholic discipline. 

O.K. We kind of think we get it. Hmmmm. Let's see: Tradzilla hopes moneyed laity'll understand his thinking and make his beliefs and practices theirs. Isn't that about right? (Nice fundraising ploy, we'll have to admit: Get 'em to buy in now so they'll pay through the nose later.) Let's then conduct a sincerity test on Big Don and his pals.  For the sake of brevity, the Readers will look at one principle he'd like us all to embrace, that of the first article 1* of the "Liturgical Directory":       

The general liturgical principle of the Institute is to preserve the traditional Roman liturgy. The Institute holds that the changes which were made to the Roman liturgy by the Commission for the Reform of the Liturgy, founded by Pope Pius XII in 1948, and headed by Annibale Bugnini, were transitory changes which were made in view of the Novus Ordo Missæ of 1969. Consequently the Institute shall reject any changes made at the suggestion of the aforesaid commission, even if promulgated by Pope Pius XII. The Institute holds that, although these changes were duly promulgated by Pope Pius XII, the acceptance of them in the light of the changes of Vatican II would be harmful to the stated end, namely the preservation of the traditional Roman liturgy. Nonetheless, the Institute does not regard the liturgical changes of Pope Pius XII as sinful to observe or attend, or as non-Catholic, but does regard them as a prelude to the ultimate changes of Vatican II, to which their author, Annible [sic!!] Bugnini, attests. 

In trying to make sense of all this head-spinning double talk, we concluded that Big Don and his "Institute" want the laity to have nothing to do with any of the poisoned fruits of the Bugnini reform of the liturgy, especially those mandated by the Second Vatican Council. Seems reasonable, doesn't it, given his radical sede position?

Nothing too tough to understand thus far.

So, then, if we've read between the Donster's lines correctly, the founders of the "Institute" must all be assumed to be model practitioners of the very principles they urge the laity to adopt.

Are we wrong? (No, we're not.)

But if the founders are paragons of Roman liturgical purity, why do we find on the MHT schedule for May 14, 2017, the calendar entry printed below?

Pontifical Sung Mass with Chaplains 10:30 A.M. C Bishop Sanborn C1 Rev. Mr. Dutertre C2 Fr. Fliess

This is clearly not a "Solemn Pontifical High Mass," as we see on May 25. It's looks and quacks like a Missa cantata, or Sung Mass, for a bishop. Now as many of you may know, a Sung Mass for bishops is an innovation sanctioned by Inter Oecumenici, the "First Instruction for the orderly carrying out of [Vatican II's] Constitution on the Liturgy," dated September 26, 1964 (bold emphasis ours):

 II.I.48.l, It is lawful, when necessary, for bishops to celebrate a sung Mass following the form used by priests. (Licet Episcopis, pro necessitate, Missam in cantu more presbyterorum celebrare [AAS 56 {1964}, p. 888]).    

A colleague recollects that after Big Don first got his miter, he once said, during a visit to a cult chapel, that a bishop could only celebrate low or solemn pontifical Masses and smirkingly refused to use Dannie's invented pontifical Missa cantata. (The Wee One himself confessed it was all made up.) It may also be worth remembering that Tony Baloney, in his error-filled Work of Human Hands (p. 76), disapproved of the "fairly extensive" changes introduced by the "First Instruction." In his opinion, it "introduced many practices throughout the Mass that the 1951-62 legislation had already allowed or prescribed in one way or another, and instituted some new practices as well."

As matters stand, unless Inter Oecumenici is (a) unconnected with Bugnini's liturgical-reform efforts and (b) not one of the "ultimate changes of Vatican II,"** we'd like to know why three founders of the "Institute," to wit, Big Don, Squirmin' Herman, and the Gallic Melancholic (1) chose not to "preserve the traditional Roman liturgy" and (2) celebrated Mass in accordance with the "changes of Vatican II." In other words, is this the kind of double-tongued "integrity" we're all supposed to be fighting for along with Big Don and his clown crew?

Could it be that Tradzilla's two-faced policy is "do as I say, don't do as I do (because I do what I want)"? Or is it more subtle, say, "Whatever I do is right whenever I choose to do it, and don't you dare bring up my self-contradictions"? Or is it as basic as "I'm a flighty hypocrite who likes to do as his whims dictate"?

Choose whichever you think describes the Donster's motives best. Better yet, come up with your own catchphrase. Anything will work as long as it explains why Tradzilla flagrantly violates the principles he and the other founders "stand for."

That way, we'll all be reminded to

STARVE THE BEAST!

* For a reason we cannot fathom, in the pdf we downloaded, the "Liturgical Directory," apparently part of the "constitutions" Big Don claimed he's "been working on ... since 2004" (pesthouse news letter, May 2016, p. 2), has two — that's two— articles enumerated "1"! When we last checked pp. 6 and 7 of the online version [May 20, 2017, 11:24 AM, Ed.], the two #1's were still there as well as the misspelling of Bugnini's first name in the last sentence of the first #1 on p. 6. Maybe he'll correct both errors after he reads this post, as $GG did last week with the month of "YAG." This time, however, we've got a hard copy as well as a pdf in case the cult wants to play another fast one on PL with a straw commenter.

**But that condition cannot be true because Tony Baloney tells us (1) on p. 76 that "Consilium... issued ... the Instruction Inter Oecumenici" and (2) on p. 73 that "On 3 January 1964 ... Bugnini was ... informed that ... Montini ... had appointed him as Secretary of a new commission: 'Consilium ad exequendam Constitutionem de sacra liturgia.'" Then on p. 75, Checkie says, "As Secretary of Consilium, Bugnini was once again in the driver's seat for directing the course of liturgical reforms." (Citations from the 1st edition of Cheesy's dreadful book. If you don't trust the Cheeseball's facts, and we don't blame you, you can verify Bugnini's Consilium ["council"] appointment here.) At MHT, Bonehead Tone's shoddy Work of Human Hands is listed as one of the textbooks for the "seminary" course on the modern liturgy. Haven't Big Don, Squirmy, and the Gallic Melancholic read that magnum opus, as Dannie called it? "Consilium" is listed in the course description as one of the topics to be covered. It seems MHT has as little regard for WHH's content as PL has.

ODD COUPLES

Maybe tomorrow (pum, pum, pum, pum) /A new romance (pum,pum, pum, pum) ... Roy Orbison and Joe Melson

The Readers deserved a good laugh.

Two consecutive posts, one on Tradzilla's oppressive school rules and the other on his imminent mutation into a wrath-mouthed "Superior General," left us traumatized at these mockeries of Roman Catholicism.

That's why it came as a welcome distraction to read on www.$GG.cult that

This summer, we are hosting a young adult get-together. We hope to draw Traditional Catholics from across the country. Visit our event website for more information.

Mildly amused, we hastily clicked on the link to "YAG in Cincy - Young Adult Get-Together 2017," where $GG promises — for a $50 registration fee — a "fun-filled weekend" in Cincinnati on June 7-9  "to meet like-minded people and have a great time this summer!" (Never mind that the dates fall before the summer solstice, so it'll actually take place in the spring: calendars have never been Dannie's thing, have they?)✦

As you might guess, PL was more than a little curious about what "One-Hand Dan" and his clown crew considered "fun" and a "great time" for "a Traditional Catholic single aged 18-35," who is "feeling isolated." Such an broad spectrum of ages, we surmised, really posed a challenge for the cult's social committee. At that thought, we suddenly knew we'd get the belly laugh we were looking for.

And Dannie didn't disappoint! No siree Bob, he did not.

Once again, His Nesciency proved he's not only out of it theologically, but he's socially unhip as well. All of us were so ROTFL, we could barely manage between fits of mirthful abandon to type the following:

Although the Gerties are still in the planning stages, according to the "YAG" schedule, one of the Saturday night activities is "possibly a square dance." (Yep, you read it right: "a square dance.") Then on Sunday, following the big show, there's "lunch as a group" at the "Golden Corral" (the "Best Buffet in the USA," no doubt the preferred eatery of the ever-hungry "clergy"). After the feeding, the entire herd is off for ...

"Bowling at Gilmore Lanes*"!!

Perfect. That's just perfect. Imaginary 1950s Catholicism coupled with an imaginary 1950s weekend of "wholesome" socializing.

Exactly which demographic cohort is $GG's "YAG" targeting here?

● Hillbillies?
● Urban trailer trash?
● Sufferers from schizotypal personality disorder?
● All of the above?

Well, while it lasted, we had a blast, Daddy-O (as the cool cats used to say way back in the '50s). The Readers hadn't laughed so much since ... since Deacon Dan called Erroneous Antonius a "scholar and theologian." (Now THAT was a big tickle as well as a panic and a half!)

But after we picked ourselves up off the floor and regained our composure, the mood quickly turned sour again. O.K., yeah, we did forget about Big Don's excesses — for the moment. But then we were immediately beset by grave concerns for anybody backward enough to attend Social-Director Dan's "Young Adult Get-Together."

Chief among our misgivings is the age-range: there are vast social, life-history, physical, and psychological differences among singles "aged 18-35." Demographically speaking, there are five heterogeneous standard-population age-groups within Dannie's ludicrously wide span, viz., 15-19, 20-24, 25-29, 30-34, and 35-39.  Each one is distinct with its own needs and wants. Lumping them all together is a mark of party-planning incompetence.

Hobbled by unmanageable diversity, $GG's money-making "meet and greet" is fated to disappoint — or worse. Do adults in their thirties really want to "hang out" with teenagers or twenty-somethings? Would you, dear ol' Trad Dad, want a "single," 35-year-old, lonesome sedemaniac getting together with your teen-aged daughter? Your teen son? Wouldn't you or your wife be doubly worried if you knew that "[p]articipants are expected to procure their own lodgings"?

At least when your kids are home, you can monitor their online chatroom interactions and prevent them from going out for a face-to-face encounter. But who will shield them as they "meet" and "interact" with "far flung, isolated people," each one of whom is as much of a stranger to your child as that cyber creep lurking behind a disarming screen name decorated with a cute emoji? The only difference being, this time that dangerous weirdo stranger could be seated, grinning and fidgeting, right next to your kid.

The very idea of "YAG in Cincy" is enough to make a decent person GAG.

It's not too difficult to see in the Miss Sede Lonelyhearts lost weekend yet another ill-conceived mind-control cum fundraising scheme. Adding to the comedy is the hilarious display of how out-of-touch the SW Ohio cult is with contemporary life, in both its perils and its pastimes. The 1950s of the cult masters' fancy will never return. They can't.

One reason is that Dannie's version never existed, or if it did, it existed only in one low-brow social stratum.  The Readers are older than the cult masters, most having been born in the 1940s, so we experienced more of the Fabulous Fifties than they. By the time the cult kingpins attained the age of reason, the era was ending, as the culture started diving headlong into the Swingin' Sixties.

Take it from us:  Li'l Daniel's evocation of the 1950s is hardly to be trusted. His "recollections" of the decade probably come from re-runs of Happy Days. Square dancing, bowling, and all-you-can-eat buffets were not our families' or our schoolmates' families' choice of entertainment. In the upper-middle-class neighborhoods in the newly established 'burbs, those déclassé recreations were associated with a certain population segment no upwardly-mobile Catholic youngster wanted to meet or would consider as the gene pool from which to fish for a mate.

As we see it, the cult masters aren't interested in providing "support groups of like-minded people," otherwise they would've dug a little deeper to come up with something more appealing to today's young trad. Verbal nods to youth culture like "hang out" and "check your phone at the door" won't make $GG's Monsters' Ball any cooler — or safer.

No, Dirtbag's "YAG," it appears to us, represents an awkward attempt to corral fresh donors to replace those who've left the cult. It's another "$ocial $unday," but this time the cult masters have designs on the wallets of outsiders who don't know them.

Good traditional Catholics should join with PL in stopping "YAG in Cincy." Supposedly 12 chumps have already registered (7 "guys" and 5 "gals"), so swift action is called for. If anyone at your Mass center is thinking of participating or has already registered, intervene at once, whether through direct counseling or by talking to parents. You'll also want to warn any nubile young thangs that, under the FACTS tab on the "event website," $GG suggests the "YAG" weekend "might be as good a place as any 'to get her.'"

Bear in mind the targeted loners are the most vulnerable type of loser you can find. A well-adjusted young Catholic adult would have dismissed "One-Hand's" cornball invitation without giving it a second thought, particularly after learning "Father McKenna will be overseeing the religious aspects of this year's YAG." So you see, it's up to all of us to make sure Dannie once more throws a party that nobody attends.


It's no laughing matter. Word from the bird.

✦ CORRECTION: "YAG" will take place in JULY, not June as reported. Editor.

* Is it sheer coincidence that the bowling alley is located very, very close to Jungle Jim's upscale gourmet food emporium in Fairfield, Ohio? Are the cult-masters hinting at a side excursion, where participants could show their "gratitude" by pickling up a few thank-you gifts from the well-stocked cheese aisle? While the "clergy" can't tell the difference between Velveeta and Valençay, they'd like to have the participants believe they're true-blue foodies. They're not. They just think food "tastes" better if it's expensive. 

TAKING KING DONALD'S SHILLING

Yes, I am proud! I must be proud to see/Men, not afraid of God, afraid of me. Pope

To the intelligent outsider looking in, Tradistan is the embodiment of the 2006 movie "Idiocracy," a dystopian comedy about a future America populated and governed by morons. The only difference is that the movie is fictional and comes to an end, whereas Tradistan is for real and keeps on adding more scenes, each dumber than the one preceding it.

The latest episode in American sede idiocy is King Don's official recruiting announcement for his canonically unapproved "Roman Catholic Institute," a new lost-boys' club for pseudo-Catholic "clerical" imbeciles playing Church. (BTW, why didn't he give it a Latin name? Even CMRI has that.*) Apart from a rambling, multi-page manifesto chasing after the ghost of Archbishop Lefebvre, he tells us little or nothing about the new organization's governance model or its funding sources. Notwithstanding the King's shyness about disclosing such details, we'll try to shine some light with what we can see in the text. (That's why, after all, we call ourselves the "Readers.")

In his cover letter, His Royal Donstrosity informs TradWorld almost immediately that his "Institute also provides for the support of the clergy." The affirmation makes it clear the laity are expected to foot the bill for this folly. Now whether the money will come from a tax on satellite/affiliated chapels or from a nationwide appeal to shallow-witted but deep-pocketed cultlings, we have no idea. (At least it won't come out of Our Lady of the Sun's healthy bank account, thank heaven.) For the record, we discount any suggestion the Big 3 will underwrite this sure-to-fail venture: our guess is that they're breathlessly awaiting His Highness's abdication in the swamp. In any event, they seem to prefer spoiling pampered priory princesses to supporting impecunious Peter Pans.

There is one hint, however, as to how he might channel new revenue streams. In his letter, the Tampa-St. Pete Potentate tells us his "Institute has a List of Approved Clergy...to ensure that the members do not entangle themselves with clergy who are in some way unworthy or unacceptable." PL suspects the list is really aimed at the laity, so they'll either leave their chapels for his or invite the "Institute" to take over. Then they would assume the burden for the "support of the clergy" (like Melbourne, Australia, or Modesto and Fresno, California). Whether or not we're right, only time will tell. We won't have to wait long, though. You can bet the farm on that.  Money-grubbing is never far from the regal one-track mind.

As for the "Institute's" membership count, at the moment it stands at 10 losers — 7 "clergy" and 3 pesthouse "seminarians" in minor "orders" (we assume). Conspicuously absent from the roster of melancholy founders is the Skipper, the sorry completer who forgot the consecration at Mass. How hurt the whining Skipster must feel at not being invited to the founding! A few years ago, all he wanted to do was return to the humid B'ville Bog to become the "chancellor." (Fat chance! That's Scut's position.)  Now he's out in the cold. Could Skippy be — oh, say it ain't so, King Don! —"unworthy or unacceptable"?

Notwithstanding the Skipmeister's cruel exclusion, the King obviously expects his new troop to grow, for he tells us the "Institute" is "open to bishops [and] priests." Therefore, unless he's referring to the down-in-the-mouth Bishop-Elect and future pesthouse completers, we presume he means "clergy" from outside the fetid swamp. If that's correct, we wondered why the Long-Island Jellyfish and "One-Hand Dan" weren't pictured in the class photo on the first page.

Dannie, for instance, loves to squeeze into group shots so people think he's given his blessing to an enterprise with which he had no involvement at all. (Think the Dávila "consecration": Deacon Dan worked hard to wrangle an invitation and even managed to photo-bomb the event.) But the longer we considered the missing-in-action prelatasters, the more we understood: Dannie's not going to play second fiddle** to his career-long arch-rival, especially since his little "Salesian Sacerdotal Society" was such a flop. And neither will the mercurial Jelly — unless, of course, the King commands, that is.

There's no doubt the two nervous wandering "bishops" read the royal proclamation and saw where there's an all-powerful, absolutist "Superior General," from whom members must beg approval for everything from "the subjects of their sermons" and "the decoration of churches" to "devotional practices" and "public or private exorcisms." (Can you imagine Decorator Dan, shabby biretta in hand, groveling for permission to go over-the-top with seasonal décor? Can you imagine "One Hand's" or Checkie's being obliged to recite the Leonine Prayers again after so many years of trashing them?) In addition, we think these twin "episcopal" crud balls suspect the "Roman Catholic Institute" will never have a general chapter or a general congregation to check the "Superior General's" arrogation of unlimited monarchical power. Deficit Dan for one doesn't want to spend the rest of his days dancing to whatever silly tune the autarch's whimsy decides to call.

Although no rule or constitution has been made public, Li'l Daniel and Its Gelatinacy can sniff the stinking presence somewhere of a clause demanding "holy obedience" to the big dog "Superior General." Ditto for other full-grown "clerical" curs in Tradistan: Cheeseball, My-Way Carlito, and the Zappmeister. Cringing pups like Uneven Steven McFaker, Lurch, and the Forlorn Finn may be sorely tempted to join, because they sense Dannie's on his way to the pound. Wannabe, however, will likely stick with his pack leader, the Zappster: There aren't enough tears in this world to be on King Donald's short leash again. (As to what the stray Dennis the Menace will do, that's anybody's guess.)

The Sad Sacks don't know it, but there's a downside to not enlisting: they won't be able to sign their names with the post nominal letters RCI. Far worse, they're going to miss out on the big rumble at the Sede Thunderdrome between the CMRI and the RCI:

Two cults enter! One cult folds! Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls: cryin' time's here. He's the Whip Cracker, Faith on sale. You know him, you hate him, he's the Swampland Cult Master....

Better than World Championship Wrestling, although markedly less classy, wouldn't you agree?

But wait a doggone minute now!

Something just occurred to us. Why, it's a Eureka! moment, if we do say so ourselves.

Maybe His Majesty won't allow them to miss out on the benefits of recruitment. Another purpose of the List of Approved Clergy may be to scare the reluctant "clergy" into signing up. You know, come to think about it, it's odd that King Don mentioned the "List" at all. Like his school rules, he could have shared it with the laity on the Q.T. But instead he made a big deal of the "List" with this gloss:

Something plaguing the traditional movement today is the proliferation of poorly trained priests and of priests with liberal or bizarre ideas. The Institute wants to keep clear of all of these types. 

In our eyes, that's a warning shot across the bow of every "clerical" buccaneer's dinghy perilously tossing on the Sede Main. If your name's not on the list, doesn't that necessarily imply you're not only "unworthy or unacceptable" but also "poorly trained," "liberal," or full of "bizarre ideas"? Might it not be more prudent to join the "Institute" and kiss the monarch's....uh, er, umm... buskins as an insurance policy?

We don't think sooooooooo.

While His High and Mightiness pretends he founded his "Institute" to "provide the much desired unity among priests," the ecclesiastical free lancers outside the Swampland read the word "unity" as code for servitude. Over the decades, these religious wildcatters have succeeded in avoiding all accountability, so why should they surrender their independence today? It's not as though His Royal Personage has any money to spread around. In fact, he may even expect some of the better-off recruits to supply needed treasure. That's enough to convince any religious entrepreneur to keep his distance.

All this, we're forced to admit, doesn't mean that each and every one of the Tradistani nomenklatura will refuse to join during the initial recruitment drive. A few will be so intimidated by His High Muckety-Muckness's overbearing personality that they'll cave at the first nasal yelp. In addition, there well may be a honeymoon period of a year or so as he struggles to grow membership or is weighed down with other worries. (N.B. PL still believes Tradosaurus Rex intends to establish a "seminary" in France where he can re-locate after the Kid gets his promised miter.)  However, inevitably the day will come when the kingly "Superior General" will make demands, which the lukewarm draftees must resist. Then the "Roman Catholic Institute," like all His Majesty's past crackpot schemes of glory, will come crashing down.

Make that day come sooner rather than later. Tell your "priest" or "bishop" he cannot join. Tell every layman or laywoman you know in the Tradisphere to

STARVE THE BEAST!

* We hope Tradzilla makes our day and chooses "Institutum Romanum Catholicum,"  (IRC, pronounced "irk"). Our traditional Catholic experts'll have a ball shaming him on several levels! Our personal suggestion for a Latin name is Institutum Acatholicum pro quaestibus pecuniae ("non-Catholic institute for pecuniary gain").

** A wise correspondent shared another reason for Dannie's (and Bonehead Tone's) absence from the founders' portrait: Donors may have told Big Don that "One Hand" and Tony Baloney are fundraising poison since the 2009 $GG $chool $candal and Checkie's monstrous opinion on the Schiavo judicial murder.  Putting those two on the cover of the announcement would have strangled the sickly infant "Institute" in its swampy crib before it could die of natural causes.