GONE FISHIN'

Let the blessing of St. Peter's Master be upon...all that are lovers of virtue; and dare trust in His providence; and be quiet; and go a-Angling. Walton

Pistrina will take a short break until November 11 (although we may have a chance to post on November 4). The entire staff will join the founders of the new union of Catholics to participate in the initial planning conference. We're very proud to have been invited, so we're honoring their request not to publish anything about the union's activities until they've hammered out the final strategy.

The timing couldn't be better. "One-Hand" and the Blunderer will leave this weekend for their annual luxury vacation extravaganza in artsy Santa Fe, clumsily disguised this year as a "pilgrimage" joined by the "locals" and a few cultists from El Paso. (We wonder whether they charged these poor folks for their tour-guide expertise. We're equally curious to learn whether the whole group is staying at the fashionable Bishop's Lodge.) 

Since the Dysfunctional Duo will be on holiday, we don't foresee that we'll have anything to comment on for a while. So we're off to do our part to get the union off to a good start and help the faithful get rid of clerical terrors.

If something genuinely newsworthy unrelated to the establishment of the union materializes, we'll post, so check in from time to time. Otherwise, you'll hear from us on the eleventh.

THE FAT LADY HAS ALREADY SUNG

And we won’t come back till it’s over... Cohan

Sedelandia and it’s cash-starved prelates’ reign of error is coming to an end far sooner than we thought. On September 30, the weekly collection at “One-Hand Dan’s” cult center dipped below $3,000. That would be a fortune to most chapels, but the figure is barely at the subsistence level for the cult. (Remember for some reason they feel obligated  to pay a substantial salary the “principal” who was at the center of the crisis they caused by keeping him.)

“One-Hand,” ever anxious about cash flow and vanishing luxuries, tipped his hand in last week’s bulletin. He’s tasted the bitter fruit of divisive sede policies and arrogance. Southwestern Ohio is filled with many independent-minded Catholics, who on a weekly basis now pick and choose which chapel to attend for Sunday or holy-day Masses. They go for the sacraments, not to line the pockets and stroke the fragile ego of the man in charge. “One-Hand” sees the danger: the folks may, out of simple decency, throw a few bucks into the collection plate, but they don’t make the big, home-budget-busting pledges anymore. More worrisome is that these “floating” Catholics are immune to fervid appeals from the pulpit for special donations to fund wild projects. They’re not members, so they don’t feel any need to make a "sacrifice." (Besides, they’re all survivors of sede-ism, so they know all the tricks the money-mad clergy use to separate them from their hard-earned dollars.)

We imagine “One-Hand” must have choked on his words lamenting the divisions among traditional Catholics. It doesn’t take a psychologist to detect the soul-rendering rage underlying the syrupy and hollow piety of his message. The money’s drying up. That’s why filthy lucre’s haunting specter soon appears as “One-Hand” bemoans the fact that a “migrant population” doesn’t “generally attend and faithfully support (emphasis ours)” one chapel.

Pistrina doesn’t understand why he bothers to comment at all. It’s over for him and his posse. No one pays him any attention, except for a small minority of brainwashed cultists. People haven’t forgotten the past. They remember how a family was barred because they occasionally attended an SSPX Mass. They haven’t forgotten the ugly events and uglier behavior of 2009.  People know they have a wealth of choices. When Bp. Ramolla returns to the area for good, there will be even more options. (His Excellency’s seminary is incorporated in Ohio, so he’s got roots.) Soon the cult-center will start losing some of its current members, who’ll see the advantage of assisting at the Masses of different area chapels each week. It's more convenient and easier on the wallet.

“One-Hand” just doesn’t get it that the whole charade has been exposed. It’s clear to everyone that sedevacantism and the una-cum nonsense were mini Berlin Walls erected to divide Catholics from each other. It’s also clear that these guys are not successors to the apostles let alone to the learned Catholic clergy of the past. Their poor education is revealed almost every time they open their mouths or write. In fact, in the same bulletin announcement, “One-Hand,” just back from an escapist junket to France and hoping to impress his low-life fan club, cloyingly writes ,“Merci, Sainte Thèrése!”  Yet every schoolboy and schoolgirl knows he got the accent marks completely wrong: the name should be written Thérèse. Obviously he’s in good company with the Blunderer, whose amateurish and shoddy Work of Human Hands is full of such howlers.

The good news is that the people of Southwestern Ohio are on the move and for all practical purposes are aliquid-pravi Catholics. When the union is formally established, they’ll affiliate, and then it’s all over but the crying for “One-Hand” and his like.

ANSWERING A BEGGAR

Daddy, I need money, give it to your honey./Daddy, I need money now! Bessie Smith's "Money Blues"

Pistrina has received several reports over the last week, which strongly argue that the union of aliquid-pravi Catholics is now really a necessity. The old sede-Traddie dispensation is certainly on its last legs and can't last much longer, as you'll see. 

Report 1: Over the last month, there have been indications that "One-Hand" and the rector are really strapped for cash. Their poor-mouthing isn't extraordinary because they've done it so often in the past. (Who knows how many poor, gullible  souls' savings accounts have been emptied as a result of those self-interested appeals?) However, we've just learned that the rector is bitterly complaining to other clergy about his money woes. That's an indication of how real these problems are. He had to shelve last year's big $30 k plan, and now there's nothing. His pals aren't going to let him mine their chapels for funds that they have their eyes on: these are desperate times in Sedelandia!

We're sure these clerical sharks are blaming the economy for their plight, but all of us know better. People are just sick and tired of having their money wasted. They're starving the beast. While that's good news, it means that soon these shameless beggars will be out of the picture altogether. Their fleeced flocks will need somewhere to go for Mass. With the aliquid-pravi union, they'll have the help they need to start up again -- this time without the burden of cash-crazed Keystone Klergy.

Report 2: In the mail, we received copies of the bulletin of a tiny sede church that not many people are aware of. One of the Readers used to know some of the members well and thought highly of them for their common sense, good education, and manifest devotion to the faith. Many were escapees from a cult-like area chapel, where they had been meanly treated. Imagine our surprise when we read disturbing announcements like the following:

All the women and girls must wear dresses (not skirts and blouses) and hats to church.  All the men MUST wear white shirts.

An apology from the organist (a religious), directed to the pastor and the entire membership, for playing the organ too fast during a solemn ceremony during Holy Week.

The girls in the high school cannot play volley ball with any boys even with parental supervision.

How do you spell "cult"? Honestly, this is the stuff of made-for-TV movies. Those good folks are not going to stomach this for much longer. They know when someone has lost his grip, and it's only a matter of time before this little chapel rises up and gives their manic pastor the boot. Before that, you can be sure they'll cut back on the donations. (We hope that the educated men wear dress blue shits to mass, and the women and girls wear blouses, skirts, and chapel veils -- just to send a message to the idiot behind the announcements. Of course, there'll be demands for reparations and the usual drumming out of the chapel of the uncooperatives. But then the money will dry up, too, and the bum will be ignominiously run out of town.)

The sede clergy all over are self-destructing. Perhaps they see the end of their little fiction as Catholics reject their policy of division for the sake of personal gain. Their own flocks will drive them off.

When they leave -- and make no mistake: these clergy will all soon be packing their bags --the union will be all the laity have left.