PROMISES, PROMISES

Boldness is an ill keeper of promise. Bacon

It’s all very disappointing. In fact, we’re devastated. Since his April newsletter, we’ve been waiting for the rector’s promised, bold proposal for raising a monstrous $30,000 per year to keep the rat’s nest pesthouse breeding and the interior decorators employed. We thought it would come on Saturday. All we received instead was an advance copy of “One-Hand” Dan’s retrospective weather report from Butler County.

The Rector of Injustice just doesn’t seem to understand that Pistrina was counting on him to deliver. We were hoping for some comic relief after investigating all the foiled pranks the Ohio cult has been playing. (We’ll be exposing those antics later. You'll love it!) We know the rector’s worried about the spotlight, too, but a man’s word is his word, right? He promised — in writing — to propose a way to make up for the calamitous drying up of supplementary donations, and we want to see it. (We bet the building-code enforcers down there also want to see it: their bureaucratic patience has been worn thin enough.)

We can’t believe it’s already May 22, and we’ve heard not one rodentian squeak or shriek, not a single chirrup, not even a faint squeak-churr (although we’ve heard that Pistrina has incited quite a lot of bruxing down in Swampland.) Is the rector worried about rejection? Have “One Hand” and Tony told him to take a flying belly-roll? Or maybe he dismissed all his plague-house vermin early and no one's left to stuff envelopes. But adverse Anthony was supposedly down in the swamp, so why couldn’t he have helped?

We’re quite out of sorts with this teasing. Has the rector any idea of the many emails we’ve received from inquiring minds? They want to know how he plans to get blood out of the cult’s turnips. Will he offer an imaginative and creative fund raising plan – like enlisting Rumpelstiltskin and vowing someone’s first-born male child? No…the culties are turnips, not princes. (Hideous gnomes are definitely selective when it comes to first-born.) Perhaps he’ll set up tollbooths at the entrances of the cult’s chapels. No…the kiosks won’t be erected and electrically wired according to the building code: therefore, they won’t pass inspection. How about some hell-and-brimstone, damn-all-the-cheapskate-laity, fork-it-over-or-be-pitch-forked sermons? No…been there, done that.

Well, we’ll just have to wait and see. The suspense is unbearable. But wait! There’s still more than a week left in May for the bold and brazen rector to keep his big ($30k-big) promise. In the meantime, don’t forget to do your part in helping to close down the MHT pesthouse:

KEEP STARVING THE BEAST