FALL 2014 MAILBAG #2

Editor's Note: Here's a very timely -- and opportune -- communication about the rector, whom we've been neglecting of late. We hope this makes up for our public inattention. (Privately we've been following his travails very closely.)

Readers, have you seen the Sep. Most holy Trinity Seminary Newsletter? What say you to to this money seeking rant from Sanborn? "It is absolutely necessary for the survival of Catholicism during this Modernist crisis that this seminary [Most Holy Trinity in Brooksville, FL] continue to function. If the lay people are to preserve their Catholic Faith, they will need well-trained Catholic priests. If they do not have them, they will sink into error, heresy, and moral corruption." Strong stuff. Care to comment?

Indeed, we shall. We have a lot to say, in fact.

First off, the statement is completely false. Naturally we're too discreet to call it a lie. We prefer to think that the rector, like that Aeschylean President of the Immortals, is having his sport with us.

What's the basis for our opinion? Well, to tell you the truth, it's in Big Don's very own words --  and in his self-published behavior. For if he really believed MHT was so necessary, why did he invite as his companion to Europe a "priest" who (1) did not attend MHT Seminary and (2) who never enrolled in any brick-and-mortar seminary? Uneven-Steven McFaker  -- without whom the rector, according to his own admission in the same newsletter, "could not have undertaken the journey" -- studied independently, first with a priest out West (until they parted ways) and then for a spell with Erroneous Antonius.

Why didn't the rector choose one of his own completers to accompany him? Could he not have traveled to Central and Eastern Europe if he had no other option than to invite an MHT trainee?

He could've tapped the Forlorn Finn, a McFaker colleague at the SW Ohio cult center. The Finn's company might have proved a fine gesture in Hungary, where the national language is distantly related to Finnish. Also, wouldn't the Poles, the Germans, and the Austrians have been impressed that a fellow European had attended Big Don's swampland seminary? Wouldn't you think that, if the training were so good in Brooksville, the rector would have seized the opportunity to show off his own man rather than some stranger "formed" outside his supervision, someone who's an alien to the culture of a formally organized traditional Catholic "seminary"?

Or is it the case that the rector didn't have confidence in his own products, so he was forced to choose an outsider? Or did the possibility of the McFaker's  succeeding Dannie play a large part in his decision?

We don't know the answer. But it's obvious the rector must believe in his heart that Catholicism in West Chester, OH, Rochester, MN, and Grand Forks, ND, can survive without priests trained at MHT Seminary. Likewise Big Don must be certain the lay folk there won't sink into error, heresy, and moral corruption. If you ask us, it seems that a "priest" who wasn't "trained" at MHT must have been better suited than his own thick-skulled completers. Otherwise, surely the rector would have selected an MHT trainee, right?

If Big Don didn't want the Forlorn Finn for some reason, why didn't he ask one of the others, for instance, the slavishly devoted Skipper from Michigan? Uneven-Steven could have substituted at the Michigan chapel while the rector and Skippy traipsed about Europe. If Big Don were in the mood to flout his principles, it would have been a grand and welcome gesture to show the forgetful Skipper that skipping the consecration at Mass was no obstacle to representing "well-trained" sedevacantism at its best and brightest.

It's settled, then.  Big Don's own actions assure us that the continued operation of the MHT pesthouse is definitely not an imperative, no matter what he shouts from the pulpit. Don't you agree?

That means Traddies are now free to get their Catholic priests in all sorts of ways other than from a so-called "seminary." And if the magnificent rector is O.K. with a non-seminary-formed "priest," then Traddies should be fine with one, too.  And with such priests there's no danger of the laity's falling into error, heresy, and moral corruption either, or else why would the Big Don sanction the McFaker's presence both in West Chester, Ohio,  and in his entourage abroad (and occasionally at MHT in front of the quivering, weak-minded young "seminarians")? Furthermore, why would the rector suffer his three completers in West Chester, namely, Lurch, the Forlorn Finn, and Bede the Unsure (viz., of his validity), to associate as colleagues with such a "priest" if there were any danger to souls? Clearly there's no problem at all in the Donster's mind. None in the slightest, thank you!

Now since you all know from the rector's approval of the McFaker that MHT trainees are really not needed for the survival of the faith and the weal of your souls, the good news is that you don't need to support MHT financially. Save your money and take your kids to Disney World -- or to the orthodontist. You can get priests just as ignorant as the completers at a far cheaper price.

Uneven-Steven's disgraceful, error filled exposition of the Summa on Restoration Radio is proof that you don't need an MHT "formation" to be audaciously clueless and mired in error. Anyone can be like the French completer who couldn't bless holy water without a moral crisis and who once administered so much salt to an infant at baptism that the baby got sick and the ceremony had to be interrupted. Also, how about the case of the MHT completer who couldn't perform a burial service? And let's not forget about the completers who, like the McFaker, were ordained by "One-Hand Dan," and hence possess doubtful orders!

You see, you don't need the seminary at all. You can get ignorant, doubtful, malformed "priests" without recourse to the pesthouse.

Isn't that a relief? No more digging deep to fund overpriced and poorly constructed additions to the "seminary." No more underwriting budget-busting re-do's resulting from bad workmanship and supervision. No more quarterly payments of your second-collections for "seminary" support. No more monthly or annual donations. No more loud, fist-pounding sermons demanding that you keep the pesthouse afloat in the steamy swamp to the detriment of your family's treasure and your own retirement. 

Thanks, Big Don, a.k.a. "The Mauler of the Modernists," for setting us straight.  Possible loss of the faith! Threats of error! Danger of heresy! Moral corruption!  *Whew!* You had us scared for a minute there.We didn't know you were just pulling our leg, you big, ol' kidder, you! 

A postscript...

We can't resist sharing another little example of the rector's intellectual sloppiness. In his stilted travelogue,  he wrote of the  "123 days of a brutal communist regime under the leadership of Bela Kuhn" (sic!) in Hungary. The trouble is, the revolutionary's name is spelled Béla Kun. Even with the entire web at his fingertips, the rector couldn't repay Magyar hospitality with the correct spelling of a historical figure's name.  We could forgive the missing diacritical mark on the forename, but the surname's misspelling is unpardonable. What an amateur! Luckily the Europeans will soon discover the truth for themselves (with a little bit of helpful outside assistance, to be sure).