A MAD TEA-PARTY

The Hatter’s remark seemed to her to have no sort of meaning in it, and yet it was certainly English. “I don’t quite understand you,” she said, as politely as she could.

From Reader #2

How dreadfully toilsome, all this grammar and lex—i—co—graphy! And no pictures either! Why, I should have thought Papa had tumbled down the rabbit hole after me. Now it’s my turn: I shall talk about Anthony Cekada’s slang and his —(what’s the word?)—col…collo—qui…colloquialisms! Yes, that’s just the word. Exactly so. It’s like a book of riddles with no answers!

I don’t think people in other countries can understand all those queer words. And when the words aren’t savage, their pairings are. Oh, Blunderland is so confusing! The proper French will be contemptuous. And the dear Italians, well, I’m certain they simply feel sorry for such a mooncalf. But the precise Germans, dear me; they must be über cross. Fiddlesticks! Even the English can’t fathom such blather. Look at these horrors!

p. 30, fill in the blank; p. 31, mumbo-jumbo; p. 53, driver’s seat; p. 68, cherry on top; p. 73, spin; p. 75, icing on the cake; p. 78. barreled along; p. 85, consumer is king; p. 95, wildcat mistranslations; p. 100, conniptions, top it off; p. 104, backpedaling; p. 107, the verb short-circuits (an awful mixed metaphor, I think, with its subject The GI’s sleight of hand; couldn’t he afford to go to school?); p. 109, The old teaching has been flipped; p. 125, wannabee (shouldn’t it read wannabe if it’s supposed to mean ‘want to be’?); p. 136, major scramble; p. 137, Hogwash; pp. 138, 150 & 272, double-talk (Oh, heaven forbid that’s not American for double-entendre!); p. 145, The sop this passage threw; p. 161, sourpuss; p. 168, cooked up; p. 180, a dig at…piety; p. 182, vintage Vatican II; p. 215, yammering; p. 252, pulled off; p. 253, ditty; p. 256, conga line; p. 260, scrapped; p. 280, dredge up; p. 283, Show-and-Tell time; p. 310, put it under the knife; p. 325, dodgy; p. 353, fix the teddy bear’s wagon; p. 359, Father Chuck Moment; and p. 365, “Touchdown!”*

It’s so maddening to stop and puzzle out these words, for, in the end, Anthony never says anything clever. I suppose he prefers to talk only to Americans. The River Rat (though he’s very frightening and uses beastly words of his own) is much easier to understand. I suppose the River Rat might call Anthony’s book a…a…(let me say this precisely)…a her—me—neutic of in—com—pre—hen—sibility. Bottom line: Take some tea and comfortable advice and do not waste your time or your money on Work of Human Hands.

Feast of St. Paulinus of Nola

*Editor’s Note: Inasmuch as “Secunda,” as we fondly call Reader #2, is still wandering lost in Blunderland, she has not yet read Peregrine’s insightful observations about our merry-andrew author’s style and voice. Go to Cathinfo.com>>Traditional Catholic Faith>>Crisis in the Church>>Ode to Reality, p. 84.