Saturday, November 18, 2017

REVISED FORECAST


Haud semper errat fama ("rumor is not always mistaken"). Tacitus

Last December 31, two of the Readers (#1 and #5, to be specific) predicted that Tradistan's "bishop"-elect in the fetid Swampland would receive his birthright miter by mid-2017. An anonymous commenter then guessed the long-anticipated event would take place in December of this year, so as to coincide with the Kid's ordination anniversary. At the time, we embraced our correspondent's opinion.

Lately we've learned that Tradzilla is finally disposed, like it or not, to impose hands, maybe in spring 2018.  And indeed the horse's mouth informs us the decision has already been made.

We don't want to be coy, but at this writing we can't share the exact content of those reports because we haven't been able to confirm them to our satisfaction. Last week, we had expected to see something on the $GG website, but it was curiously—and uncharacteristically— silent (no crowing from the Bantam "Bishop," no requests to storm heaven with prayers). Now something has surfaced on the MHT site.

If you were familiar with the content of the reports, you'd understand why cult kingpins would want to keep the lid on for as long as possible. What's for certain is that a 2017 "consecration" is absolutely out of the question, unless the situation deteriorates.  (N.B. The situation would have to be very serious, though, because scheduling a December "consecration" at this late hour would require scaling back the schmaltzy theatrics.)

Precisely when the big show will occur — winter/spring 2018? — depends upon which of the reports best represents what 's happened. In circumstances like these, the earliest stories are often contradictory or confusing or misleading in small details.  The reports we received, we can tell you, range from alarming to merely serious, from outright denial to gravely alarming again and then to guardedly optimistic. The upshot of it all is that PL will have to wait for published confirmation from another sede cult source before posting what we know. (We don't entirely buy everything in the MHT newsletter, except for the promise of a gaudy, schmaltzy spectacle).

What's crucial at this stage is to pin down all these rumors. In spite of the newsletter account, the situation is still fluid. Once we know more, we'll post. If anyone out there learns something, don't hesitate to share it with us.

Meanwhile...

Anyone for a nice cup of tea?

Saturday, November 11, 2017

GALLIMAUFRY

...nostri farrago libelli... ("the hodgepodge of our little book") Juvenal

As a rule, PL likes to post about one cult topic at a time. That way, we may fully demonstrate to our readership the barking madness of Sedelandia. Dirtbag Dan, perchance in a lupine mood induced by the meager collections of recent months, yelped so wildly in both last week's "Corner" and the $GG newsletter that we had to share his medley of grief.

Notwithstanding his baying fans' bestial protests against our forecasts of nearing doom, “One Hand” continues to gainsay his very supporters, thus giving weight to PL's prescience.  With your indulgence, then, today let’s set aside the niceties of unity, structure, and coherence in favor of some confessional bits and pieces from the cornered, quivering leader (?) of the distinctly endangered sede pack.

WANDERLUST

Dannie was still in the air, SW-Ohio-bound from his Argentine wine-country vacation, when he began hallucinating about more exotic foreign travel. As he journalized in the $GG November newsletter: 
I fly United to Houston. They are not so charming as the Chileans, but plenty of room for a good sleep. I follow the flight path on the screen after I finish my prayers, and I see Lagos in the corner of the map. Not so far! Before I nod off, I think: “I must visit Father Nkamuke and his flock one of these days...”
This was no empty reverie. He'd hatched a definite plan, for Panhandlin' Dan began the newsletter by shamelessly alms-baiting for travel dollars:
You know how this bishop and our poor mission priests count on your charity. Bishop funds are nearly depleted. Please send some more. 
(Somebody should shriek aloud for the beadle!)

When so much "work needs done" at the crumbling cult center, you have to ask why he's going to the almost-dried-up well of financial support to cadge more trips abroad. You'd think all his money-grubbing energies would be focused on warming up the Gerties' "coldhearted cheapness" to help Erroneous Antonius pay the "bills [that] will be coming in."

But, then, that would be too businesslike, wouldn't it? Besides, behaving like a real Catholic priest from the good ol' days would mean he'd have to stick around the moribund cult. Overseas junkets get His Anxiety's mind off all his money problems, allowing him to imagine, if only for a week to ten days, that he's still the globe-trotting "Bishop" of TradWorld, a title that several others have successfully taken over.

Before the next costly getaway, the remaining Gerties who keep the West Chester eyesore going should demand an accounting of the sources for the "Bishop's Fund."

ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART POUND FASTER

Hardly a week goes by without a bitterly nostalgic reminder from Dannie that attendance at the cult's big shows has tanked. Last week's "Corner" began with the following lament:
Fr. McKenna says he’s always edified by the numbers who come back, freely, one day after the day of obligation, to pray for the Poor Souls to be freed from their fiery prison. And it is true, but the Bishop remembers many years ago that one could have an evening High Mass for All Souls, and draw a good crowd to pray for poor souls, “whom no man could number.” Those who once attended are dead, and it is for us the living now to remember them too in prayer, at Mass and with indulgences. It is a wonderful thing that we can offer many Masses on November 2 (each priest is privileged to offer three) and that the living still come, albeit in little clusters rather than crowds, to pray for our dear dead.
(Don't you love the way he writes about himself in the third person, and with a capital letter to boot? He must not have gotten the memo explaining that nobody anywhere in TradWorld is the "bishop." Those bozos aren't even bishops.)

Gerties are either dying off or have left in disgust. There's no one to replace them. The "little clusters rather than crowds" mean there are not only far fewer All Souls' stipends to divvy up among the "clergy" but also much lower weekly collections. Last week's bulletin recorded a puny haul of only $3,394 from the previous Sunday. No wonder his sermon for Pentecost XXII was titled "It's All about the Money," where at the beginning he growled, "There always are some freeloaders, I suppose."

The Wee One's heart must be thumping like that of a baby mouse caught in Caravaggio's jaws.

TRUTH IN ADVERTISING, PLEASE!

While we're on the theme of the poor souls, it looks as though "One Hand" is hell-bent to get the Gerties into the cult center any way he can:
Well, this was part of the Autumn Holy Week. It ends today. Go to the sacraments and then go in and out and gain some indulgences if you haven’t yet done so. By saying your “six,” (Pater, Ave, Gloria) a soul could be released from prison, purified and ready for God.
Let PL remind Catholics that the toties quoties plenary indulgence, in all probability, cannot be gained at $GG for the poor souls.

Why not?

Because the Raccolta stipulates the faithful must visit a "church or public oratory, or even a semi-public oratory." That means they must visit buildings belonging to the Roman Catholic Church. As we all know, the $GG "mass center" is not a temporal property of the Church, and it certainly is not a parish incorporated by the Church. (The cult masters themselves would bristle, we suspect, if anyone claimed the decaying cult complex was subject to the archbishop of Cincinnati or to the supreme authority of the Apostolic See.) Therefore, the gaining of the indulgence is almost assuredly not attached to $GG (or to any other sede pseudo-chapel, for that matter).

We find the lack of candor offensive, to say the least. The SW Ohio cult masters should know better than to pretend their shabby structure qualifies under the rules. Back in 2015, we put an end to all that fiction about "privileged altars" (click here). Owing to Readers' attending an out-of-state conference last week, this year we weren't able to get the word out about the toties quoties scam. But better late than never, right?  

THEY'LL STILL PUT ON THEIR PANTS ON ONE LEG AT A TIME

Dannie must've taken some flak from Gertie gals about the pants-wearin' Argentinian women of Mendoza (click here for our post from two years ago). In the November newsletter he mused, without much hope, we must add:
A longstanding practice, the Traditional Catholic ladies here all wear pants. Difficult to eradicate. We agree to work on this seriously for the next visit. 
Now, we gotta see that!

As wasteful as we find Dannie's foreign adventures, we're actually hoping some stupid suckers give him the bucks for another trip to Argentina — if only to see how sensible women react to Dresser Dan's proposed fashion makeover.  PL's staff boasts a number of Latin Americans, both men and women. On many an occasion, they've assured their American colleagues that Latinas are not like the weak-willed, brow-beaten U.S. cultie chicks who flinchingly endure the zany rules fabricated by malformed "clerical" control freaks.

These proud, poised ladies have a mind of their own; they won't be intimated by some sawed-off gringo who wants to meddle in their personal lives. Latin women are confident in their own well-developed sense of Catholic modesty: They don't need instruction from some norteamericano fake-"bishop" on how to dress.

 See for yourselves! Take a look at some of these ladies again:


Do they appear as though they're going to change their style merely to satisfy Dannie's whims or help him save face among the caterwauling she-wolves of sede Gringolandia? Does that "priest" look as though he wants to start trouble? We'd bet he knows better than to mess with rock-solid, ineradicable local custom, unless he wants the pious mendocinas to take their kids and hubbies elsewhere.

The poor guy really shouldn't worry that Travelin' Man Dan will stop visiting if the womenfolk refuse to lose their pants. Dannie needs him as much as he needs the dollars that accompany his visits.

Saturday, November 4, 2017

THE BISHOP'S (?) BESTIARY, Chapter 5


Bestiaries, medieval treatises derived from the Greek PHYSIOLOGUS, which was a collection of some fifty fabulous anecdotes from natural, mostly animal, history, of a moralizing and symbolical character. Harvey's The Oxford Companion to English Literature

Editor's Note: This the fifth post in a series prompted by an earlier comment about how Dannie's lurid tales of his Killer Kitties represent personal coping devices to deal with his many adversaries' attacks. Our usual format has been to quote from the "Corner" word-for-word and then give our interpretation. Today, however, we're making a slight variation: After quoting both incidents, we'll comment — very frankly — on their inappropriateness before we quickly tease out their hidden content. WARNING: Don't read on if you're the queasy type.

Animal Antic 1, from Pentecost XIX, 2017
Caravaggio was waiting for me when I returned home after the final 24 hour journey from Argentina. He partied a little too hard, though, and the next day I had to take care of clean up. He is prudently sleeping it off now.
Animal Antic 2, from Pentecost XX, 2017
Oh yes, Caravaggio. He came bounding in the other evening with his “special needs” meow, and deposited a freshly slain baby mouse in my room. I picked him up to dissuade him from his nighttime snack, but as I did so he swallowed his mouse meal in three gulps. And this from a cat who shies away from solid food.
Before all the financial troubles came to a head at $GG, His Grossness was content to turn our stomachs with simple accounts of blood-drenched mayhem and mauling. But lately he's ratcheted up the "ick"-factor. With these latest mutilation-and-regurgitation anecdotes, Dannie appears intent on making the Gerties retch before brunch.

Just think about the above two verbal images: cat puke in one and in the other a grume-spattered beast gobbling up a shredded carcass. Does the Wee One hope to emerge as a nasty, low-rent Ibáñez with this Blood and Barf?

 It's way beyond beyond bad taste: It approaches the deeply disturbed.

On a Sunday, who needs to contemplate Dannie's scooping up a congealed puddle of vomit, probably consisting in large part of undigested rodent guts? And why on the Sabbath morn should the Gertlings have to confront the image of a feral cat, cradled in a cult master's arms, its fangs clogged with clotted blood, fresh fecal matter, and torn mouse flesh, noisily gulping down, chunk by gory chunk, a newly slaughtered pinky?

Gerties, what's wrong with you? Why haven't you given this creep his walking papers?
. . . . . . . . . .

Well, then, enough with our outrage against this uncivil delight in carnage.

Let's go straight to the message underlying these two affronts to decency. It won't take long.
Antic 1 clearly signals the party's over at the cult, and they're sick over it. While Travelin' Man Dan was out galavanting in México lindo and the Andean foothills with their lush grapevines, pretending nothing has changed since the 2009 $GG $chool $candalthe "¢lerical" ¢lown ¢rew at $GG had to face the reluctant givers.  Cheesy, no stranger himself to others' surliness, recognizes the aggressive unwillingness to underwrite wasteful spending. It's been left to him to inform the Mitered Maggot that the balmy days of wine and roses have turned into chilling nights of wormwood and weeds. He didn't have the stomach for it. 
Antic 2 is about the straitened conditions of the cult "¢lergy." No more lavish meals at local high-end restaurants. To fill their grumbling maws, they have to wolf down whatever slop comes their way, whether they want to or not. (Heard no longer is "I don't like that.") Whereas beforehand they turned their noses up at the greasy, starchy, gag-inducing fare sallow Gerttie gals used to throw together in their grimy kitchens, the "¢lergy" must swallow the unsightly mess whole or starve.  Such is the price for defending the indefensible in 2009.
As usual, we invite our readership to suggest their own reading of Dannie's two repulsive critter capers. So much vulgarity promises a richness of interpretive possibilities.

Saturday, October 28, 2017

THE END PROVETH EVERYTHING



Straw shall not be provided for you. Exodus (CCD Version, 1952)

Shhhhhh!

You can hear it, can't you?

The throaty growl at the rickety door? The muffled snarls leaking through a cracked, dirty window? The menacing tattoo of razor-sharp claws against rotting porch floorboards?

The wolf is at Dannie's door.

Take a look, perhaps for the second time, at last week's "Corner":
How Fr. Cekada manages to pay for all of [the many repairs to the crumbling cult center]  remains a mystery to me, for like the Hebrews, he is always making bricks without straw [sic!]. But I do know that more bills will be coming in, and more work needs done. Many of you, when you do come, contribute nothing, not even a token amount. How’s about it? If not for justice sake, at least for charity. Contribute your fair share to your church each week or each month. You know God will reward or punish you accordingly. As with forgiveness, we get to write our own ticket ...Will you alone come without a gift? God is never outdone in generosity but men are always outdoing each other in cold-hearted cheapness, whether in support or service. “Freely you have received. Freely give.”
There you have it! And in the Dirtbag's very own words. Confirmation of what PL's reported all along: the disillusioned Gerties are STARVING THE BEAST within decaying $GG. "One-Hand Dan" has mocked human nature for the last time. Vanished is his claim over the cultlings' income.

Ask yourself this: Why should culties surrender more of their treasure to the Wee One? He cynically warns, "more bills will be coming in, and more work needs done," while they remember he's just returned from unnecessary junkets to sunny Mexico and Argentina's wine country with its architecturally stunning bodegas (right on the heels of splurging on a vacation for two to chic New Mexico)!

How in the world could the Argentines have ever afforded the exorbitantly costly airfare from Los Angeles all the way down to Mendoza — a ways south of the Tropic of Capricorn —and then back up across two continents to SW Ohio? Didn't His Itinerancy recently describe his mendocino hosts as "truly poor, dirt poor, as they live a hard life among the dusty vineyards in Argentina. They even manage without a car, so that every little shopping trip or sick call entails begging a ride"?

He sure did!

Could the Mexicans, at least, have sprung to underwrite their part of Travelin' Man Dan's south-of-the-border autumn getaway?

Doubt it!

It's no surprise the cash-strapped Gerties are holding back: If His Profligacy can blow so much "needed" money on expensive foreign travel, then there's plenty of coin in the kitty to cover  upcoming expenses. Right? At any rate, cultlings never "freely received" anything from the Mammon-mad cult "clergy." Over the years, they've paid dearly for everything. Indeed, they've paid so far ahead they can give their exhausted pocket books a well-deserved rest.

Seeing that Gertlings have already sacrificed an un-fair share from their family fiscs for the "clergy's" comfort, they won't be intimidated by impious threats of divine retribution. Nor will they blush in shame at loutish insults or self-serving recriminations. They've become defiantly prudent cheapskates who also refuse to cook and clean-up-after an ill-bred "clerical" boys club.

Dannie's angry tirade against his wised-up flock foreshadows the impending end of the SW Ohio cult. But that's something you and we already knew. What IS revealing, though, is his wrong-headed reference to the Hebrews' "making bricks without straw." But first, let's show you why it's wrong.

Without the addition of straw (1) to allow the clay or mud to dry more easily and, as a binder, (2) to add stability to the product, the finished bricks would have broken and crumbled. (Straw, acting as a "flexible supporting lattice ...  will redistribute the force throughout the brick, decreasing the chance of breakage" [Smith, as cited in Capaldi, 2011].)  Pharao(h)'s taskmasters would, therefore, never have permitted the fabrication of such defective building materials. After all, scholars believe brick-manufacture was probably a government monopoly in ancient Egypt, since most bricks are stamped with the name of the king.

As any literate person who reads Exodus 5 will tell you, the problem for the Children of Israel was that "[w]hile some continued at the [brick] works, others went about the fields to gather up every grain of chaff and piece of straw which they could find" (Haydock). The consequent diminution of the brick-making labor force would've made it impossible for the Israelites to meet the daily quota of bricks set by the Egyptian overseers.  ("Why have you not completed your prescribed amount of bricks, yesterday and today, as before?" [5.14]).*

This means that the Hebrews never stopped adding straw to the bricks they produced; they simply produced bricks in reduced quantities, since under the new regimen they had to collect, sort, and chop the straw in addition to digging, tempering, mixing, and moulding the clay ("The people, then, scattered throughout the land of Egypt to gather stubble for straw" [5.12] ).

Don't get us wrong. We're not writing to prove (once again) that the cult masters can't read Scripture closely. (They can't — click here for a recent example.) No, the Readers see much more than the expected sede ignorance, for we possess the key to "One Hand's" subconscious messaging. Years of decoding Danniespeak, you see, have led us to conclude that "straw" = "collection money." Thus in Deficit Dan's erroneous reading of Holy Writ we discover the truth about the cult:
it's runnin' outta cash! 
Ever since the 2009 $GG $chool $candal, we've observed they've been having trouble making ends meet in order to pursue a jet-setting life of ease. But now financial straits are truly grave.  At the precise moment when the cult masters need the Gerties' meager financial resources the most, they're not forthcoming.

$GG is far beyond the stage of elective repairs. As Li'l Daniel himself wrote last week,
... we have been taking care of some repair/replacement projects which have come due, or have long been delayed. A small crew has been working on one of the roof leaks, right over the vestibule... The parking lot asphalt repair has been scheduled, finally, for next month. 3 ½ heating/air conditioning units have been replaced and seem at last to be functioning well
By their own admission, the cult masters can no longer postpone essential maintenance. Engineers we consulted estimate that, based on their experience, tens of thousands of additional dollars may be needed if the "clergy" have let things slide so, considering the shoddy cult center had a limited life to begin with and experienced serious problems from the onset. Unfortunately for Dannie and Checkie,  they can no longer count on the Gerties to cough up the large dollar amounts they need to keep $GG from its certain collapse.

Insults or threats notwithstanding, disenchanted Gertlings will continue to arrive empty handed, forcing Dannie to try to gather funds from outside the cult. After so many years, unaccountable spending has at last become a casualty. Any effort to glean money from afar is destined to fail: all Trad Nation has "One Hand's" number by now. As His Insultancy accelerates the name-calling, like the Hebrews of old, Gerties will leave the bondage of the traddie cult "company by company."

Just in time, too, for the wolf has already crossed the broken door-threshold.

*in his Jewish Antiquities (II.xiii.4), the historian Flavius Josephus (AD 37 — after 93) differs from Fr. Haydock in his explanation of the division of labor :
Although formerly furnishing them chaff for brick-making, [Pharao(h)] no longer supplied it, but he made them endure hardship in the works by day, and collect the chaff by night ... the distress for them being double... (our literal translation).
The brick-pit slaves' exhaustion, therefore, could also account for the drop in productivity.

Whichever scenario you prefer — Haydock's or Josephus' — the fact remains that the Hebrews kept on making bricks with straw, contrary to His Ignorancy. BTW, here's the Greek of Josephus if you don't believe us:
  δὲ ἄχυρον αὐτοῖς παρέχων εἰς τὴν πλινθείαν πρότερον οὐκέτι παρεῖχενἀλλ᾽ ἡμέρας μὲν ἐπὶ τοῖς ἔργοις ταλαιπωρεῖν ἐποίεινυκτὸς δὲ συνάγειν τὸ ἄχυρον ... τοῦ δεινοῦ διπλασίονος ὄντος αὐτοῖς ...
For anybody out in cyberspace who, like the cult masters, can't read Greek or understand the plain text of the Bible,  there's an alternative resource to confirm Dan's error. Cecil B. DeMille, who acknowledged Josephus near the end of the main title of The Ten Commandments, got it right, albeit with a little dramatic license:
John Carradine — "Aaron" [stentoriously]: "It is Pharaoh's order that you be given no straw to make your tally of bricks." 
Male voice amid the protesting Hebrew rabble [in outraged disbelief]: "No straw! ... How can you make bricks without straw?!" 
Edward G. Robinson — "Dathan" [nasally, with whining contempt]: "You will glean the stubble of the fields by night ... And remember: the tally must be the same!"
Didn't Dannie ever watch that flick?  NBC, we think, used to broadcast it nationally every year. Maybe it still does. His Deficiency should check his local listings this spring.

Saturday, October 21, 2017

PUBLISHING TRUTH


Profred servyse stynketh. Chaucer

The existential threat of the onrushing collapse of the SW Ohio/Brooksville syndicate seems to have afflicted the Wee One with a tic, where he involuntarily discloses what's really got his goat.  Take this astonishingly frank paragraph from the cult's autumn 2017 newsletter:
[Name], one of St. Gertrude’s “founding mothers,” was called into eternity on September 3. For many years she was the one who did anything that needed to be done for St. Gertrude the Great and its clergy, from cleaning to chauffeuring to cooking (especially cooking!) to secretarial work to art, for she was a talented artist as well. Oh, and she did the laundry, too. God reward her many, many years of loving and faithful service. How I wish He would bless us with other...souls so deeply devoted to the Holy Mass and the Faith it perfectly expresses. Her keen never failing love of these things both inspires and reproaches our Catholics of today.
Although at paragraph's end there's a perfunctory and rather vague boilerplate reference to the departed's devotion to the Mass and the Catholic faith, the "virtues" he enumerates have to do more with groveling service to the $GG "clergy" than with piety: cleaning, chauffeuring, cooking, laundry, and clerical work. And you can bet that what really "reproaches our Catholics of today" is that no Gertling chick has been willing to step into the role of the "clergy's" charwoman.

Today's Gertie gal won't be fooled into mistaking a scullery maid's grimy kerchief for a heavenly crown. Nor would she find fulfillment in hurriedly and harriedly rushing to answer the tinkling of a bell when the bone-idle ringer, just ten feet away, could have gotten off his keister to speak to her — or simply performed the task himself.

Normally, even if only a matter of good taste, you'd expect a eulogy to underscore the specific and repeated instances of the deceased's holiness, with but a brief, perchance discreetly oblique, mention of servile work. We should've read of her regular Mass attendance, almsgiving, visits to the Blessed Sacrament, concrete examples of charity to others, faithful membership in a confraternity, ardor for our Lady, etc. Instead we're shocked to find a job description for a domestic.

All the emphasis is upon her bondage to workaday, menial tasks for the sole benefit of the "clergy," who themselves should've been capable of doing their own laundry, cleaning their own quarters, and transporting themselves. There's only the most general reference to the departed's fidelity to religion (which as practiced in the cult is sadly but a para-Catholic boondoggle: so much good-hearted effort for naught!). That makes it seem as though the reproof of today's Catholics isn't aimed at lukewarm faith but at their steadfast refusal to assume a servant's burden.

From the looks of it, the ever-gauche cult master couldn't manage to conceal his resentment over the fact that no one has volunteered to take this long-suffering soul's place. Her passing seems to be the occasion for him to wear his resentment on his sleeve, to lash out at others for not putting His Self-Importancy before their own and their family's good.

What gives us hope is that PL's not the only one who could detect Dannie's peevishness. Gerties see it, too. And we're sure many a cultie crone cackled to herself when she read his rueful words, "Spit in one hand, Bee-uh-shup,  'n' wish in the other, 'n' see which one fills up first."

Saturday, October 14, 2017

YAG ORDER


Getting money is like digging with a needle; spending it is like water soaking into sand. Japanese Proverb

We like to think the obscure, easy-to-overlook, mundane details tracing the arc of sleazy cult life are more telling than a written confession. Take, for instance, the $GG calendar item for Sunday, October 15, 2017. There, sandwiched between parentheses, we learn the "2017 YAGers" will offer the stipend for the 9:00 A.M. High Mass.

On the surface, it appears an unremarkable clerical detail. And, yes, it has a ring of authenticity: If the soul for whom the Mass is to be said had attended the 2017 YAG, it wouldn't be impossible to believe that fellow participants ordered it up from the unused registration moneys. That's surely the impression anyone might draw from the notice, if she or he had bothered to think about it — or even paid attention

But it's not the only explanation.

A little thought will make our suspicions clearer. We see two plausible* scenarios behind the calendar entry:
A. One of the Gertie YAG attendees, either upon his or her own initiative or at the self-interested prompting of a cult master, shares with erstwhile get-together companions the sad news of the tragic death and polls them about offering a Mass from the unspent fees they wasted for their book-burning weekend last summer. YAGGIES, who got the message and who bothered to respond, give their express approval. Therefore, the Gertling informs the cult to make some of the funds in the YAG account liquid for the celebrant's spending pleasure. ** 
B. The cult masters, in need of Mass stipends, decide independently that surplus YAG registration fees should be applied for a Mass for the repose of the young man's soul and the comfort of his family. After all, the money's theirs now and should be used for necessities.
Laying aside (but never forgetting) the important question of the validity of $GG "clergy's" holy orders, in either scenario a Mass is said for the departed. That's objectively good, so the question is:
Why does PL give a hoot about who requested the Mass? 
Why don't we just let it go? Besides, it may well be nigh impossible for outsiders (and even rabid Gertie loyalists) to learn which is the more correct explanation.

Well, we've got three reasons for our inquiry:
First, scenario A is just a trifle too complicated, while B is simplicity itself. (But out of fairness, until we confirm B, we won't dismiss A. In addition, our faith in mankind's basic decency is so strong, we'll presume A until there's no doubt about B.) 
Second, we've always argued that in justice the unspent funds from the 2017 YAG registration fees should have been returned to the "2017 YAGers" and not squirreled away in $GG's bank account for uses other than the 2017 lonely-hearts misadventure. (Don't forget, they were originally baited with a Golden Corral buffet before the bowling-alley soggy pizza switch.)
Third, we've been observing lately how Mass stipends are paid by the Rosary Confraternity, the Alter Christus fund, or some other cult-sponsored-and-controlled moral person rather than by named human beings.

We surmise this absence of individuals' Mass intentions might be another sign of rapidly diminishing enthusiasm for the cult, a statistical oracle of its last days. Most independent priests we know are booked solid with Mass requests for months into the future. In fact, some are so overwhelmed that they're obliged to binate occasionally on weekdays. Common sense argues that $GG should be experiencing the same high demand from the faithful, so stipends shouldn't have to be paid from the accounts of cult enterprises.

For the time being, we can only wait, watch, and hope the end comes soon. (Tales of malaise in all the bishop-led trad cults abound.) Nevertheless, if only out of intellectual curiosity, we'd like to know whether scenario A, or something like it, is true. Accordingly, we're asking "2017 YAGers" to confirm whether they were asked either (1) to approve spending surplus 2017 registration fees to put money in "priests'" pockets or (2) whether they contributed afresh for the Mass. They can either e-mail us (pistrinalit@gmail.com) or comment anonymously. (We'll keep all email names confidential.)


* Some might argue there's a third scenario where some non-$GG YAGGIES learn of the tragedy, ask for contributions, and send in a stipend on their own. In our mind, that doesn't sound plausible.

** PL wonders about the exact amount of the stipend. We recall from our pre-Vatican II youth in upper-middle-class parishes that a High Mass stipend was twice the amount of a Low Mass stipend. Perhaps someone can tell us whether $GG charges more for a High Mass and what that amount is.

Saturday, October 7, 2017

OPEN FOR BUSINESS


Through all the seas of all Thy world, slambangin' home again. Kipling

The Readers are finally back from their annual furlough. Those who coordinated the Lay Governance Conference returned with news of an unqualified success, and the Reader-in-Chief arrived from a vacation in the Mediterranean with some juicy news about the disgraceful Southern-European antics of a U.S.-based religious buccaneer. Some important — and moneyed — people over there are hopping mad, to say the least, and details of the whole unsavory episode have been shared with the Italian press. PL will have more on this later.

Since it'll take a while for our readership to learn PL's open again, we'll keep this post short. No sense in folks' missing good, hard-hitting slams at the scumbag cult masters. However, we can't pass up a comment on "One Hand Dan's" twin junkets to Mexico and Argentina (announced in last week's "Corner"), which came on the heels of the Dirtbag's low-keyed getaway with Cheeseball to oh-so-chic New Mexico. (Keep in mind that El Santuario de Chimayó, where Dannie recently made a "little pilgrimage," lies only a short 28 miles away from hip, multiculti, artsy Santa Fe, "The City Different.")

As we've been following the $GG collection reports over the summer, we wonder where the money's coming from to support all this lavish travel. From what we've seen, even on the better Sundays, the takings barely manage to exceed $4K: September 24, one of the Sundays "with an excellent turnout ... due to visitors" yielded a measly $4,196. (Remember it takes a lot of cash to support the
"Principal" and keep up with the repairs on the decaying cult center.) It's also important to note that right after bragging about the influx of outsiders, Li'l Daniel lamented "we are missing some of our own" and ordered prayers for their swift repatriation.

This latest spending-spree on travel reminds us of the pre-2009 $GG School Scandal Days, when money was no object. But now with diminishing numbers and ever-increasing maintenance expenses, all these excursions at home and abroad seem self-destructive. What happens if the Farmer's Almanac prediction of a mild and wet 2017-18 winter for SW Ohio is wrong? Will the remaining Gerties be called upon to bail Dannie out when "The Duke" (the energy provider for the cult) presents a massive demand for heating expenses?

In our humble opinion, the purpose of the Mexico and Argentina holidays is to dupe cultlings into thinking the Wee One is still a player on the international trad stage. (He isn't.) Big Don's got a completer stationed in Australia and is making noises about a "seminary" in France, while he occasionally jets off to Dear Old Blightly to impress the swells in London town. That must be too much for His Invidiousness to bear. We guess his ego must be stroked at any cost, lest the Donster's contempt grow. (That may also be why he puts up with all those pants-wearing Argentine gals.)

The international forays may give Travelin'-Man Dan an emotional boost, but what about the long-suffering Gerties? With the self-confessed shrinking cult membership, it's obvious those cultlings who remain with "One Hand" will have to make increasingly larger contributions. That may prove too heavy a burden in these difficult financial times.  Culties need to ask themselves once and for all whether it's worth it or whether it's now time to

STARVE THE BEAST.