Saturday, June 24, 2017


... the frequenting of non-Catholic schools, whether neutral or mixed, those namely which are open to Catholics and non-Catholics alike, is forbidden for Catholic children, and can be at most tolerated on the approval of the ordinary alone, under determined circumstances of place and time, and with special precautions... Pius XI, Divini illius magistri, Dec. 31, 1939 (Vatican translation).

Disgraced $GG "$chool" has been a popular blog topic of late, inspired largely by Dannie's frenzied promotional campaign. We're sure it's aimed at offsetting the huge embarrassment of four Gertie adolescents' graduating from Protestant-Evangelical institutions. The distress signals are unmistakeable: Not only did the Wee One post a sermon titled  "A Catholic Education" (here), but he also led off last week's "Bishop's (?) Corner" with what looks like a plug for the ill-famed (and misnamed) "$chool":
Trinity Sunday marked a significant milestone in the history of St. Gertrude the Great School with one of the largest graduations in our thirty some year history. We congratulate our five eighth graders who will begin High School with us in the Fall, and especially our three graduating High School Seniors.    
There's a lot of panic in those two sentences, a lot of whistling in the cemetery. He's got his back to the wall.

But before we get started, let's immediately put one bit of silliness out of the way. In the real world, eighth-grade "graduations" are meaningless. The only genuine pre-collegiate rite of passage that counts is graduation from high school. The eight-grade transition statistic is just sleight of hand — and pretty clumsy at that — to disguise the "$chool's" dismal 30-year record.
An aside: We'd like to know just how many of the five eighth-grade "graduates"  (LOL) commencing $GG High "$chool" in the fall will remain there until graduation day. That's something we'll be keeping a close eye on. If surnames mean anything, we'll lay odds that at least one of them might end up at Mars Hill Academy. Why should a family's girls get an education inferior to that afforded its boys?
For a sharper picture of the Dirtbag's dilemma, let's consider the secondary-school numbers. In late spring 2017, Dannie congratulated seven high-school graduates: three from $GG (two of whom are the "Prinicpal's" offspring!) and four from area Protestant-Evangelical independent schools — or as Dannie said in his sermon, "the Bizarro world of ... Protestant education." What this means is that some Gertie families who wanted to give their kids an education grounded in Christian moral principles opted against sending them to $GG "$chool." To put it frankly, they made the conscious decision to trust their children to Protestant educators and institutions, the kind Dannie characterized in his sermon as "very serious and methodical in indoctrinating ... children."

The way we figure it, there should have been at least seven 2017 graduates from $GG "$chool," not three. (We don't know how many Gertie parents homeschool or choose public or other private schools, so the number could be much higher.)  Anyhow, 57% of the officially acknowledged class of '17 went elsewhere. And not just any elsewhere, but a heretical elsewhere!

Numbers don't lie.

Anybody with some elementary business smarts can see "One Hand" has a big problem. By his account, Dannie's sad excuse for a school has been around for some 30 years, yet this year it only managed to graduate three — one for each decade of operation. Furthermore, after almost a third of a century, $GG's total enrollment stands at an anemic 19, as reported last week by The Lay Pulpit (here).

Compare $GG's miserable stats with the enviable record of Mars Hill Academy in Mason, Ohio, from which a Gertlet graduated this year. The little classical Christian school started with 27 students about a decade after $GG "$chool." Ten years later it moved to a new building on a 13-acre campus and, after 20 years of operation, boasted more than 360 students and 40 staff.

The Readers' tale of two academies should tell His Idiocy something's really wrong with his enterprise. It also should wake the Gerties up. The time has come to stop funding a manifest failure. Almost eight years have passed since the $GG "$chool" $candal came to a catastrophic head in the late fall of 2009. Someone needs to do now what Dannie should've done way back then. As the Italian proverb goes, "Sometimes it's better to give your apple away than to eat it yourself."

No amount of sermonizing or hollow claims of an "excellent education" can fix the problem, which is a loss of confidence in $GG's "leadership," starting, but certainly not ending, with the "Principal." Only a few parents, among whom are the "Principal" and his wife, embrace Dannie's fictional "Catholic" education. He's definitely being sent a message. It's as if the majority of employees at a Pepsi bottling plant chose to drink Coke: a wise consumer could only infer the insiders must know something untoward about plant conditions or the product.

Dannie doesn't need an MBA to come to the same conclusion as PL. The primitive survival instinct of a plague-rat drowning in raw sewage should be sufficient to tell him $GG "$chool" along with its "Principal" constitute an unsustainable drain on diminishing financial resources. The dreaded "'big ticket' expenses" are coming fast and furious, as we learned in last week's "Corner," in which "One Hand" confessed the air conditioning had "conked out."
A question: Is this the same AC system that was to replace the "dying" system in March 2016, just a little over a year ago? You remember: the one that cost "the princely sum of $11,000 to $12,000," and for which Dannie adjured the Gerties to "do your part" by donating "$100 in a lump sum, or $30-$40 in monthly payments"[click here].)
Panhandlin' Dan may try to cajole, wheedle, spook, and shame until his overstressed vocal cords snap, but the majority of Gerties won't heed his call. Oh, they may smile blankly at their "old 'bishop" or convulse like a distempered cur in nodding assent as he pleads to stanch the flow of red ink. Good parents however, will receive the grace to shield the apples of their eye from $GG's hickory-stick curriculum. Moreover, these moms and dads will parry every effort to intimidate them into enrolling their kids where they won't receive "a Catholic education."

Seeing that the rational solution to the Dirtbag's problems — close the $chool and remove the "Principal" from the cult center — is forbidden to him, we can expect his message to become increasingly agitated as Gerties turn their backs on his frantic appeals. The unbearable tension between his need to free up more cash and his inability to invoke the necessary remedy may well cause $GG to crater sooner than we expected: Gerties with insurance policies naming $GG the beneficiary aren't dying fast enough to soothe Dan's itch to spend.

Although PL is delighted about the impending crisis, we imagine some of you cultlings are depressed. Quite laudably you refuse to condemn your children to the cult's educational black hole, yet you wince in sympathy whenever the Mitered Maggot poor-mouths.

Well, then, why not help the larval creature? Make a counter-offer the Maggot can't refuse: Withhold all donations until $GG "$chool" closes down on its own, thus wiping the "Principal" and his wife off the cult's welfare roll.


Saturday, June 17, 2017


I've got a little list — I've got a little list... Gilbert and Sullivan's The Mikado

After the self-elected "Superior General" announced his new "Institute" back in April,  PL expected him to follow up with more commentary on his directories. After all, he did write "To be continued" on p. 12 of the newsletter supplement. We also assumed he'd be reporting on swelling membership rolls. With all the fanfare and hoopla of the April announcement ("We hope and pray that the Institute will grow in the future, and that God will bless its undertakings"), it wasn't unreasonable to anticipate a rush of enlistees, at least from the sycophants who wanted their names on the "List of Approved Clergy."

Think of our disappointment when not a syllable about the "Institute" appeared in the pesthouse's May newsletter. (The post nominal initials R.C.I. don't even follow Tradzilla's name in the signature block.) In any new venture, the smart practice is to keep up the buzz with frequent progress reports. Does the Donster's silence here imply the grand initiative has, like so many self-defeating cult-master daydreams, fallen flat? Or worse, has the sought-after divine benediction been withheld?

Insofar as Big Don's being coy and won't tell us, we'll have to launch our own investigation into why the "Instritute" seems to have stalled just after it got started. To do that, we need the assistance of YOUR eyes and ears and enquiring minds.

Below is a select list of indie trad levites, which a correspondent helped us put together. None of the individuals, we think, has any formal or quasi-formal affiliation with the Big Kahuna's direct competitors, e.g., SSPX, the Resistance, SSPV, FSSP, CMRI, Society of King Louis of France, Society of Jesus and Mary, etc. (Tell us if we're mistaken on that score.) We've also taken pains to omit the names of individuals suspected of  over-leaning toward the SSPX or openly hostile to or noisily contemptuous of Tradzilla. (For the latter, that's a huge number, BTW. If we considered the internal forum, it might be close to universal.)

Many on the list have, or have had, more than a nodding acquaintance with the "Superior General," and, although each one may not be a rabid sede, none seems to hold an ecclesial position repugnant to his. (Correct us if we're wrong, please!) Furthermore, a few are pesthouse completers, two are former pesthouse associates, while others were members of "The Nine." In sum, each individual could be a candidate for membership in the Flushing Rat's "Roman Catholic Institute."

  1. Ahern, Daniel
  2. Andrade, Paul
  3. Berry, Eugene
  4. Cekada, Anthony
  5. Collins, Joseph
  6. Dolan, Daniel
  7. Dolan, Patrick
  8. Ércoli, Carlos
  9. Finnegan, Terrence
10. Hall, Bernard
11. Hecquard, Guillaume
12. Hogan, John
13. Jacqmin, Eric
14. Larrabee, Julian
15. LeGal, Thomas
16. Lehtoranta, Vili
17. LeMay, Peter
18. McGuire, Charles
19. McKenna, Stephen
20. McMahon, Denis
21. Moylan, Marcellus
22. Neville, Robert
23. Nkamuke, Bede
24. Ramolla, Markus
25. Ricossa, Francesco
26. Saavedra, Oscar
27. Siordia, Jaime
28. Stuyver, Geert Jan
29. Trauner, Arnold
30. Zapp, Thomas

Now the question we'd like answered is this:

How many of these apparently viable candidates for Tradzilla's new "Institute" have actually signed on

Out of 30 names, surely 20% (6), or even 10% (a paltry 3), must've answered the rector's call, don't you think? At a minimum, the Skipper (#26), Wannabe (#14) and My-Way Carlito (#8) must've joined up — Skippy for sure — right? If MR. WORLDWIDE can't recruit those three guys, then whom can he get? That is to say, if they're not onboard, then the "Institute" is dead in the water, and PL will have to change its thinking on one important matter.

Now, here's where you come in. Read over the list. If you know one of these men has enlisted, tell us in the comments section, even if Big Don rejected his application. Then the Readers will know Sin-burn hasn't completely lost his grip over trad "clergy." That's important to us because we're trying to revise our prediction about when the Kid will get his miter. We had thought he would have received it by now, but it looks as though the long-awaited event depends on whether Tradzilla can get the "Institute" afloat.

If no one else wants to join Big Don's "Fight Club," then we don't see how B'ville can possibly have two "bishops" in the compound's garage (unless the pampered priory princesses are to get their very own prelataster). It's safe to say that an "auxiliary bishop" would make the Florida cultlings look ridiculous in Sedelandia's eyes. Without anywhere to go, Tradzilla will have to stay put while Junior will have to keep wearing his sour face and priest's cassock in the group portraits appearing in the newsletter.

We surmise that, at best, only Skippy has scrambled to join, but that's as good as zero new members. (By skipping the consecration at Mass, he's become the poster child for malformation in TradWorld. Not the kind of klutz self-regarding sede "liturgiphiles" want to hang out with, is he?)  As we see it, a lot of prospective candidates appear to be running for their lives to get away from the "Superior General." Others would seem to be flipping him an extremely impolite hand gesture.

If no new members materialize soon, the Readers'll be able to consign the "Institute" to the ash heap of trad history along with Don's big $30K plan and his planned takeover of Our Lady of the Sun.

Then we'll look for signs of mayhem in the fetid swamp as a resentful élite chafe at Junior's denied birthright.

Saturday, June 10, 2017


I tell thee, thou foolish Philanthropist, I grudge the dollar, the dime, the cent I give to such men as do not belong to me and to whom I do not belong. Emerson

The woebegone rector's May pesthouse newsletter is out. In addition to "a one-time appeal" for your hard-earned dollars to pay for outfitting the cult's new Melbourne satellite (more about this below), there's a lengthy section on the "Evolutiion of dogma" aimed at proving Bertgoglio "dead wrong in his examples."  Embarrassingly, the Donster proves himself as hopelessly fact-challenged as Bergie. Look at p. 2 where he makes makes this astonishingly absurd — and unsupported —claim:
80% of the population of the Roman Empire was slave. 
So preposterous is the assertion that we had to read it over four times. The Readers understood the cult masters were ignorant of Latin, Greek, classical literature, and ancient history, but we weren't sure until now that they had no grasp of fundamental macroeconomics and demography. You don't need a college education to realize dour Don's statistic must be wrong. Common sense should have been enough to rescue him from this depressing blunder before going to print.

As you might imagine, historians lack reliable data on the scale of slavery in Rome (the city), Italy, or the empire. The Oxford Companion to Classical Literature (1989) puts the estimate for the slave population in Italy at "about one in three of the adult free population." In our own past reading, PL has seen tenuous estimates for the slave population in the empire ranging from 8% - 20%.

The most detailed study we've read on the subject comes from the Stanford specialist in ancient social/economic history and pre-modern demography, Walter Scheidel. In his 2007 monograph "The Roman Slave Supply" (click here), Prof. Scheidel, who BTW edited the Cambridge Companion to the Roman Economy and wrote the chapter on slavery, produced a hypothetical model that "yields a share of slaves between 7 and 13% of the imperial population — i.e., somewhere close to one-tenth" (p. 5, emphasis ours).
N.B. That's one-tenth of the empire, NOT four-fifths as somber Sin-burn fallaciously writes. (We should add that Schediel's estimate for the slave population in Italy is 15-25% of the population, lower that one-third estimate we quoted above.) But forget about professional historians' educated guesses: the sub-amateur Donster's monstrously high figure is plain-and-simple hogwash. It betrays breathtaking economic illiteracy as well as an absence of critical-thinking skills.
Although it would be sufficient for most people to attribute the bizarre statistic to malformation (clearly the zero wasn't a typo), PL tries to dig deeper. What could be the source, we asked, of that other-worldly percentage, which an average public-high-school senior would suspect if he read it? Tradzilla's an intellectual piker, that's for sure, but it's hard to imagine he'd be that dumb without outside inspiration. He must have come across something that either he or his ill-trained helpers misread.

From reading his critique of Bergoglio, it's plain he attempted some research to make his case. (The despondent Donster's trying to show Tradistan he's superior to the Novus-Ordo establishment.) We conjecture that in an online search for material, he might have come across Prof. Scheidel's paper. Hurriedly skimming the document in search of something to make him sound authoritative, the bilious "bishop" might have stumbled upon the following statement on p. 4 (emphasis ours):
The big question is whether the other provinces were, on average, closer to the ‘Italian’ or the ‘Egyptian’ end of the spectrum. On a rough estimate, these other regions accounted for about 80% of the population of the Empire
(The last words are within a gnat's whisker of the liverish rector's wording, don't you think?)

Now, if Scheidel were his source, then we can see how the gloomy Grand High Panjandrum of Tradistan got his wild -and-crazy figure: an alien to the norms of mainstream academic discourse, too lazy or ill equipped to read the article carefully, he or one of his flunkies probably didn't understand the professor was saying that the geographical areas outside Italy and Egypt contained 80% of the entire imperial population.

Can you believe some people think this dud is some kind of oracle?

The point of today's post is not to shame the rector. We've already tried that on many occasions. It doesn't do any good: Cult kingpins are immune to shaming, and it won't induce them to admit their error or cure their defects. They just dig in deeper because cultlings are too witless themselves to care.

You, on the other hand, can learn something important: Bummed-out Big Don is NOT the scholar or deeply analytical thinker he wants you to think he is. He's not much better than a barroom braggart on a hot Saturday night at a noisy trailer-park honky tonk: All wind and no substance, hoping an air of empty authority will fool his fellow losers. No man of any sense would ever have claimed that "80% [our emphasis] of the population of the Roman Empire was slave." That's award-winning stupidity.  It should warn Catholics not to reward such surrealistic ignorance by answering the call to furnish the Melbourne Mass center with 
vestments in all the colors, copes in all the colors, High Mass candlesticks, a thurible, a processional canopy for Corpus Christi, Holy Week items, an extra chalice, two ciboria, a monstrance, and many other things(Emphasis ours.)
Remember that Tradzilla's morose retreat to Australia with his tail between his legs is the price he had to pay for getting himself kicked to the curb in Arizona. That was HIS fault. And it was his decision to pay back the CMRI for rolling all over him. Revenge may be well and good, but why should others bail him and the Ocker cultlings out? If the Melbourne coterie wants to sever ties with the CMRI to become a dependency of the Swampland, then they should buy their own vestments, instruments, and vessels — like every other new chapel.

It's no one else's charitable duty "to help Melbourne get a start," as doldrums Donald implies with a self-aggrandizing allusion to the apostle Paul's collecting from the Gentiles "a contribution for the poor of the saints that are in Jerusalem." For one thing, those Aussies are far from "poor," and for another, the Melbourne Mass center is not the mother-church of TradWorld. More importantly, victims in thrall to a non-Catholic Svengali are definitely not "saints."

If the Aussie culties cannot afford the whole kit and caboodle now, they can wait — like everyone else. Think about it: Why should the Melbourne coven need your money if it can afford to pay all doleful Don's travel expenses in December, then fly over Junior and Toady roundtrip, right after that fly in Junior and Beanpole roundtrip, and this July fly Beanpole back again?

They must be swimming in cash.  (Click here for details of "clerical" travel and of the Donster's lavish, all-expense-paid trip to gorgeous Down Under). Melborune doesn't need your welfare. And if the pesthouse paid for a couple of the junkets, then it doesn't need your charity either. (Why did Junior have to tag along anyway for two trips? Chaperone?)

But there's another reason to deny Tradzilla's demand for you to pick up the tab for his Australian adventure: You'll most likely be overpaying. As Big Don mopishly passed the hat for Melbourne, he disclosed, "The seminary has had to pay for these items and it added up to quite a bit." 

You can bet it must've added up, especially the "many other things."

Probably no expense was spared to purchase any new items, and anything that may have come from the pesthouse's stock* of liturgical goodies acquired in the rector's salad days would also have been super pricey.  Many start-up trad chapels have found more economical alternatives, such as ordering vestments from India and shopping for great deals on ebay for the rest.

If the Melburnians want extravagance, then let them reimburse the pesthouse with their own money.  We're certain Big Don can set up an easy-payment plan for those folks.

Emancipate yourself from the cult masters. Keep your money where it belongs, at home for you and yours, not with misguided strangers who obviously don't need it. 


* Maybe we're completely off base, but PL can't help suspecting that Tradzilla might be using Melbourne as an occasion to hold a "garage sale" to raise some much needed cash. Old reports from Michigan insiders told us he had a stockpile of valuable stuff, which is now probably gathering mold and insect larvae in some musty storeroom in the fetid swamp.  

Saturday, June 3, 2017

THE "BISHOP'S (?)" BESTIARY, Chapter 3

Bestiary: A type of literature, particularly popular in the medieval centuries, in which the habits of beasts, birds, and reptiles were made the text for allegorical and mystical teachings. These bestiaries often ascribed human attributes to animals and were designed to moralize and to expound church doctrine. The natural history employed is fabulous rather than scientific... Thrall, Hibbard, and Holman's A Handbook to Literature (1936).

Editor's Note: This is the third installment in a series inspired by a comment letting us in on Dannie's secret critter code. According to our informant, the stupid but deadly animal stories in Wee Dan's weekly "Corner" are apologues about his critics/enemies or his sufferings at their hands.

In the two previous chapters of THE "BISHOP'S (?)" BESTIARY (see 4/22 and 3/18), the Readers handily managed to decode "One Hand's" disturbingly obsessive narratives of his cutthroat cats' butchering bunnies and mutilating mice. Today, however, we're facing a big challenge. To tell you the truth, we're really stumped, so PL begs your indulgence as we work through it all.

For Easter II 2017, in that charnel house of bloody horrors he calls "The Bishop's (?) Corner," Dannie intoned the following goose-bump-inducing, throbbingly hypnotic pronouncement (we've marked the primary stresses so you can shiver along with him to the haunting dactylic lilt):
Two vúltures were pérched on the réctory rf. I wónder what thát porténds.
di-DUM-di-di-DUM-di-di-DUM-di-di-DUM: di-DUM-di-di-DUM-di-dum. 
Saints preserve us! That IS o-mi-NOUS. Mwahahahaha.

As Dan's ill-boding incantation reveals, the baleful spectacle must've rattled His Credulousness. No doubt he recalled a Mexican exorcist's eerie vision of a ghostly, moribund $GG encircled by robotically marching, downcast Gerties. No doubt the humble devil-fighter's stark warning came to mind again after years of repressing his message of conversion:  That courageous man had battled demons in Oaxaca, where to this day curanderos ply their dark trade, where ancient pagan beliefs and hideous rites abide. The roosting pair of raptors must've reminded Druid Dan how ill-starred he was when he turned a deaf ear to the saintly Tapatío's sobering admonition.

In company with the Wee One, we find ourselves asking each other, What can this wake of peering vultures mean? Casting welcome light on the question is a May 1 comment from a knowledgeable correspondent:
... there are two kinds [of vultures] in Cincinnati. The red headed Turkey vulture, a strict scavenger with weak talons and a good nose, and the black headed vulture, which is an opportunistic killer and a bully who drives the Turkey vulture from its finds. I doubt Dolan knows this stuff, but vulture life seems to fit the antics of these guys quite well, the black headed kind of course.
A definite insight, for sure, but we remain perplexed.

IF the $GG cult masters are the Coragyps atratus, the aggressive black vulture known to kill lambs and newborn calves, and IF they are not the dumpster-diving, roadkill-feeding turkey vulture, then why did Double-Whammy Dannie choose the word "portends"? According to our lexicon, that means serving as a supernatural omen of impending calamity.

Could it be, do you think, Li'l Daniel has been so weakened after the 2009 $GG $chool $candal that he sees himself not as the dominant black-headed Coragyps but rather as the timid, red-headed turkey buzzard Cathartes aura, which feeds off the dead because it's not strong enough to prey on the living?

Considering what Wee Dan wrote in his May 21 "Corner," His Enfeeblement's diminished self-image could open the way to the explanation we've been seeking. Let's read his words with care:
Did you ever see the little reminder in the bulletin: “Remember St. Gertrude the Great in your will”? Barb Steinmetz did, or more properly speaking, actually took out a life insurance policy in our favor. We are so grateful to her for this! The “big ticket” expenses are many, and our income just does not meet them. Would you consider remembering us in your will?
All righty! Now we're finally getting somewhere. What Dannie seems to be saying is:
The only way for $GG to maintain its extravagantly wasteful expenditures is for Gerties TO DIE!
Yes! Yes! Yes!  That's IT!  By Jove! We think we've got it!

PL isn't stumped any longer.

"Bp.(?)" Dan IS the red-headed, scavenging turkey buzzard, not the black-headed vulture. No doubt about it. (We should have guessed it beforehand, what with all his horaltic posing in cope and amaranthine biretta.) Accordingly, if Deacon Dan's merely a mild-mannered buzzard soiling his own legs and vomiting foul-smelling, semi-digested carrion to ward off enemies, then the key question to finding the answer to what the raptor sighting "portends" is this:
If Dannie's the weakling Cathartes, who is the threatening SW Ohio Coragyps?
In other words, which of His Uneasiness's many competitors for scarce financial resources is "the opportunistic killer and bully who drives the Turkey vulture from its finds"? And is there just one black vulture menacing his besieged territory or could Hoo-Doo Dan be on edge about several?

At last, the profound truth seems clear:
Dannie doesn't quite yet know whom or what the black vulture represents. It could be any one of five territorial rivals: the Ham Sandwich, SSPV, CMRI, FSSP, or SSPX. They've all got roosts right next to his in SW Ohio, each one ready to plunder the carcasses he's found. There's also a possibility that the second vulture on the roof could be an interloper from Tradzilla's new "Institute," perhaps one of Dannie's own fledglings who'll leave the nest when the Donster swoops in on a recruitment drive for his "Institute." 
Were PL asked to wager which specific threat the black vulture symbolizes, we'd have to put our money on the Ham Sandwich. Not only does "The Sammich" have a miter and a vulgarian's taste for big shows, he knows the Gerties, many of whom once admired him (and more than likely still do). 
Rambozo's a likable bumpkin with sharp-elbows and upwardly mobile aspirations fueled by outsized appetites. He could step right in to fill Dannie's episcopal sandals. Moreover, as a former garden-store helper, he would properly care for the sickly-looking, neglected Knockout Roses Li'l Daniel so often mentions in the "Corner." 
After taking charge of $GG, the Ramster would immediately get rid of the biggest of the "'big ticket' expenses" — the "Principal" who brought on the 2009 $GG $chool $candal.  Naturally his removal would come with predictably disastrous consequences for the two cult masters: The "Principal"once menacingly confided he knew too much to be fired. Letting the cat out of the bag at long last might be what our red-headed turkey buzzard dreads most
As ever in this series, the Readers invite the viewing public to weigh in on the comments page with their own interpretations. After all, the two vultures Wee Dan spied may have an altogether different significance. More specifically, the doom they presage may be worse than a hostile takeover of the dying $GG cult.

Saturday, May 27, 2017


Don't never prophesy — onless ye know. Lowell

Events of late in Southwest Ohio beckon us to take a little stroll down memory lane.  It's the perfect occasion to recall how far off the mark Erroneous Antonius always is — and to marvel at the blindness of those souls who still think this ne'er-do-well poseur has anything to offer.

Back on June 14, 2011, gladius_veritatis posted on CathInfo a lengthy article from His post made public a April 6, 2011, e-mail sent to traditional priests by that sower-of-discord Bonehead Tone. In it, the Blunderer outlined his far-fetched predictions about the immigration status of pesthouse completer Markus Ramolla, a.k.a. the Ham Sandwich.*

Below we republish that fanciful missive embellished with the Readers' editorial comments and highlighting for emphasis. (Click here for the CathInfo text and scroll up for the original post.)

Dear Fathers,

I just talked with our immigration lawyer and told him we'd gotten a couple of questions about this. He says that nothing in the recent St. Albert the Great bulletin announcement corresponded with the way U.S. immigration law really works.

Here's a summary of the lawyer's explanation:

• Fr. Ramolla went into "unlawful presence" status as soon as we terminated his R-1 status and after he was put into "removal proceedings" by ICE in December 2009. This was automatic.

(BTW, the next hearing in Fr. Ramolla's removal proceeding is slated for May 19 in Cleveland. His bulletin didn't mention that at all.)

• The visa that he got though [sic] us until November, 2011 (called an I-94) then immediately became toast -- or Zweiback [sic!] if you prefer. It doesn't matter what the expiration date said. The mere existence of an ongoing removal proceeding automatically voided it.

• Once a foreigner is in "unlawful presence" status, the immigration regulations won't allow him to change to legal status while he remains in the U.S(Exceptions: contracting marriage in the U.S., or facing political persecution and/or torture in the Fatherland).

• To apply for an immigrant visa or a non-immigrant visa again (together with R-1 [religious worker] status sponsored by ORCM, say), Fr. Ramolla would have to go back to Germany and try to apply for the visa and religious worker status at the U.S. Consulate.

• However, even assuming ORCM could jump through the regulations minefield of the interminable and expensive INS procedure for admitting religious workers -- will Bishop McKenna, Bishop Neville and the Sisters let the the Federal Customs and Immigration Service "inspect" their facilities at Monroe and Highland, as required? --our friend would be up against another problem.

 Fr. Ramolla's CIS record is now forever stained with the scarlet words "unlawful presence" and subject of "removal proceeding."

• And since his permanent record will also show that he remained in the U.S. for a full year after the removal proceeding began (from Dec 2009-Dec 2010), the Consulate will inform Fr. Ramolla that U.S. immigration law imposes an automatic 10-year ban on him [sic] re-entering the U.S. So, if he'd care to try applying for another visa in connection with ORCM, he would be welcome to come back again in 2021, but not before then.

I looked up the regulation on the 10-year ban. If you're interested in slogging through the legalese, it's discussed on page 8 of this document: 

• On the $3,000 legal fee, the lawyer says that potential deportees will sometimes want to string the proceedings along for as long as possible to stay in the country, even when he's told them that in that in the long run, they'll be deported anyway. He makes them sign a statement saying he's told them they'll finally be deported.

I asked him if he were handling Fr. Ramolla's case himself, what defense would he use? After trying to spin out a couple of ideas, he said he couldn't come up with one that could ultimately work. 

• The lawyer's  conclusion on the rosy claims in the SAG bulletin: No way.

• As regards Fr. Ramolla's trial with CIS on May 19, the lawyer thinks that because their cases are essentially the same, the outcome for Fr. R. will be the same as it was for Bernie Hall: CIS will "allow" Fr. Ramolla to depart "voluntarily" within a certain period of time -- though perhaps a little more than the 60 days Bernie got.

Thus the principal points of how the lawyer reads the situation. He's been handling our immigration work for nearly twenty years now, and he's almost always been right, so I think this is probably the way things will end up.

-- Fr. Cekada

As it turned out, the Cheeseball was close to 100% wrong. Despite his efforts to disrupt the peace at St. Albert's Mass center, the Ham Sandwich was never deported. On May 12, 2011, about a month after Checkie's dead-on-arrival prognosis, the immigration court granted Rammy's motion to terminate removal proceedings. By mid 2012, "The Sammich" was well on his way to receiving his "green card" when, of his own free will, he abandoned St. Albert's for an apparently disappointing Bavarian "apostolate." (He left the U.S. not long after he got himself "consecrated" in the Slupski sublineage.**)

By fall 2015, Rambolicious, a casualty of Deacon Dan's materially deficient 1976 ordinatio unimana, was back in Southwest Ohio, where he currently runs a storefront Mass center — in the same commercial complex as the El Caporal Mexican Bar and Grill and the Salons at Snider Crossing — right smack dab in Dannie's and Checkie's territory (click here). Things appear to be going all right with no meltdowns yet, and from his YouTube channel we see he's been "ordaining" like nobody's business.

As of this writing, PL wouldn't be surprised if Rambozo has his "green card," notwithstanding Cheesy's allegation of a "scarlet" stain on his record, for we found a revealing announcement in the Ramster's bulletins of May 14 and 21. Under the headline "BISHOP RAMOLLA IN EUROPE," we read:
Bishop Markus Ramolla will be traveling to Europe visiting Italy, Spain and Germany. He will leave on May 16th and return on July 6th. Bishop Ramolla will be traveling to Verona, Italy in order to ordain Don Marco Rui Alonso to the Holy Priesthood on May 28th. From June 5th to June 12th Bishop Ramolla will be visiting a group of abandoned Traditional Catholic Faithful in Spain and will administer the Sacraments for them. Later on in June he will be visiting another group in Munich to administer various Sacraments to them as well.
Whatever his immigration status, the Ham Sandwich seems to be able to come and go as he pleases.*** Moreover, in addition to his SW Ohio shopping-center chapel, it looks as though he's picked up another mission at St. John the Baptist Tradtitional Roman Catholic Church in Louisville, KY. (Located in the former Grace Lutheran Church building, St. John's [here] could well become his "see" [LOL] one day. Good-bye strip mall!)

BTW, regarding Bernard Hall, for whom Cheesy forecast the similar dire outcome, he did indeed voluntarily  — no quotation marks needed —leave the U.S. to reside in England, France, and Italy, but received permission to re-enter a short time later. When he got back stateside, he assisted the priest at the Monroe, CT, chapel before he returned to the Cincinnati area to offer the sacraments. Recently, according to first-hand reports, he received his "green card."

The Readers needn't say much more, other than it's Tony Baloney's "rosy" prediction of an "automatic 10-year ban" on the Ramster's re-admission to the U.S. that's "toast." Things ended up proving Checkie wrong as wrong can be —  as wrong as his perverse translation of infallible papal teaching. When you think about it, the Cheeseball couldn't predict gastro-intestinal discomfort at the Texas Chili Cook-Off of online fame.

So the next time you hear that smarmy voice calling out in the bleak Tradistani wilderness, ignore it. Chances are, there's "no way" Checkie is ever right.


* In his 1987 The Bonfire of the Vanities, Tom Wolfe wrote: 

But mainly you used the grand jury to indict people, and in the famous phrase of Sol Wachtler, chief judge of the State Court of Appeals, a grand jury would "indict a ham sandwich," if that's what you wanted.
We've adapted the cliché to the indiscriminate TradWorld practice of consecrating virtually any loser off the street who hankers after the episcopate.

** You might be interested in reading the graceless Ham Sandwich's own 2/26/13 hand-biting mea culpa for his 5/23/12 "consecration" here (not even a full year after the tragi-comedy took place). Be sure to note where our favorite ingrate repents, "...I bitterly regret having been involved with Bishop Slupski...And I regret having accepted to be promoted to the episcopacy through Bishop Slupski." Also don't miss his torturerd thoughts about clandestine consecrations and ordinations:

Many of [Slupski's] consecrations and ordinations are done in secret, i. e., without sufficient public announcement of the fact of the ceremony. Unfortunately in my case it was done the same way and I bitterly regret that I accepted it in such a way.
"The Sammich" has clearly not embraced Édith Piaf's bravely defiant anthem, has he?

*** As a further note of interest for inquiring minds, during the brief sojourn in his native Germany (last half of 2012 until late 2015), it was reported that the hard-to-miss Ham Sandwich was on occasion sighted in the SW Ohio area.

Saturday, May 20, 2017


...ritum omnem ad suum trahere conatur arbitirum... ("he strives to transform all rites as he pleases"). Ammianus Marcellinus

Were we to tag this post, we'd classify it as a reminder — a reminder of the cult masters' infidelity to their own well-publicized principles. Long-time followers of PL will recall the Readers tackled the same subject in their June 13, 2015, post "COUNTERFEIT CATHOLICISM 3," where we observed, writing about Dannie and Checkie, "In hypocrisy-infected Tradistan, you can't expect the malformed cult masters to practice what they preach!" 

Today we'll scrutinize identical double standards practiced by Tradistan's "Superior General" of the recently announced lost-boys' club, the achingly pathetic "Roman Catholic Institute." In his cover letter to his announcement, Tradzilla grandiloquently wrote (our emphases):       
In the following pages you will find our three Directories. We want the lay people to see what we stand for, and invite them to adopt these very same principles in this great and life-long struggle we have all undertaken for the integrity of Catholic dogma, Catholic moral doctrine, Catholic liturgy, and Catholic discipline. 
O.K. We kind of think we get it. Hmmmm. Let's see: Tradzilla hopes moneyed laity'll understand his thinking and make his beliefs and practices theirs. Isn't that about right? (Nice fundraising ploy, we'll have to admit: Get 'em to buy in now so they'll pay through the nose later.) Let's then conduct a sincerity test on Big Don and his pals.  For the sake of brevity, the Readers will look at one principle he'd like us all to embrace, that of the first article 1* of the "Liturgical Directory":       
The general liturgical principle of the Institute is to preserve the traditional Roman liturgy. The Institute holds that the changes which were made to the Roman liturgy by the Commission for the Reform of the Liturgy, founded by Pope Pius XII in 1948, and headed by Annibale Bugnini, were transitory changes which were made in view of the Novus Ordo Missæ of 1969. Consequently the Institute shall reject any changes made at the suggestion of the aforesaid commission, even if promulgated by Pope Pius XII. The Institute holds that, although these changes were duly promulgated by Pope Pius XII, the acceptance of them in the light of the changes of Vatican II would be harmful to the stated end, namely the preservation of the traditional Roman liturgy. Nonetheless, the Institute does not regard the liturgical changes of Pope Pius XII as sinful to observe or attend, or as non-Catholic, but does regard them as a prelude to the ultimate changes of Vatican II, to which their author, Annible [sic!!] Bugnini, attests. 
In trying to make sense of all this head-spinning double talk, we concluded that Big Don and his "Institute" want the laity to have nothing to do with any of the poisoned fruits of the Bugnini reform of the liturgy, especially those mandated by the Second Vatican Council. Seems reasonable, doesn't it, given his radical sede position?

Nothing too tough to understand thus far.

So, then, if we've read between the Donster's lines correctly, the founders of the "Institute" must all be assumed to be model practitioners of the very principles they urge the laity to adopt.

Are we wrong? (No, we're not.)

But if the founders are paragons of Roman liturgical purity, why do we find on the MHT schedule for May 14, 2017, the calendar entry printed below?

Pontifical Sung Mass with Chaplains 10:30 A.M. C Bishop Sanborn C1 Rev. Mr. Dutertre C2 Fr. Fliess

This is clearly not a "Solemn Pontifical High Mass," as we see on May 25. It's looks and quacks like a Missa cantata, or Sung Mass, for a bishop. Now as many of you may know, a Sung Mass for bishops is an innovation sanctioned by Inter Oecumenici, the "First Instruction for the orderly carrying out of [Vatican II's] Constitution on the Liturgy," dated September 26, 1964 (bold emphasis ours):
 II.I.48.l, It is lawful, when necessary, for bishops to celebrate a sung Mass following the form used by priests. (Licet Episcopis, pro necessitate, Missam in cantu more presbyterorum celebrare [AAS 56 {1964}, p. 888]).    
A colleague recollects that after Big Don first got his miter, he once said, during a visit to a cult chapel, that a bishop could only celebrate low or solemn pontifical Masses and smirkingly refused to use Dannie's invented pontifical Missa cantata. (The Wee One himself confessed it was all made up.) It may also be worth remembering that Tony Baloney, in his error-filled Work of Human Hands (p. 76), disapproved of the "fairly extensive" changes introduced by the "First Instruction." In his opinion, it "introduced many practices throughout the Mass that the 1951-62 legislation had already allowed or prescribed in one way or another, and instituted some new practices as well."

As matters stand, unless Inter Oecumenici is (a) unconnected with Bugnini's liturgical-reform efforts and (b) not one of the "ultimate changes of Vatican II,"** we'd like to know why three founders of the "Institute," to wit, Big Don, Squirmin' Herman, and the Gallic Melancholic (1) chose not to "preserve the traditional Roman liturgy" and (2) celebrated Mass in accordance with the "changes of Vatican II." In other words, is this the kind of double-tongued "integrity" we're all supposed to be fighting for along with Big Don and his clown crew?

Could it be that Tradzilla's two-faced policy is "do as I say, don't do as I do (because I do what I want)"? Or is it more subtle, say, "Whatever I do is right whenever I choose to do it, and don't you dare bring up my self-contradictions"? Or is it as basic as "I'm a flighty hypocrite who likes to do as his whims dictate"?

Choose whichever you think describes the Donster's motives best. Better yet, come up with your own catchphrase. Anything will work as long as it explains why Tradzilla flagrantly violates the principles he and the other founders "stand for."

That way, we'll all be reminded to


* For a reason we cannot fathom, in the pdf we downloaded, the "Liturgical Directory," apparently part of the "constitutions" Big Don claimed he's "been working on ... since 2004" (pesthouse news letter, May 2016, p. 2), has two — that's two— articles enumerated "1"! When we last checked pp. 6 and 7 of the online version [May 20, 2017, 11:24 AM, Ed.], the two #1's were still there as well as the misspelling of Bugnini's first name in the last sentence of the first #on p. 6. Maybe he'll correct both errors after he reads this post, as $GG did last week with the month of "YAG." This time, however, we've got a hard copy as well as a pdf in case the cult wants to play another fast one on PL with a straw commenter.

**But that condition cannot be true because Tony Baloney tells us (1) on p. 76 that "Consilium... issued ... the Instruction Inter Oecumenici" and (2) on p. 73 that "On 3 January 1964 ... Bugnini was ... informed that ... Montini ... had appointed him as Secretary of a new commission: 'Consilium ad exequendam Constitutionem de sacra liturgia.'" Then on p. 75, Checkie says, "As Secretary of Consilium, Bugnini was once again in the driver's seat for directing the course of liturgical reforms." (Citations from the 1st edition of Cheesy's dreadful book. If you don't trust the Cheeseball's facts, and we don't blame you, you can verify Bugnini's Consilium ["council"] appointment here.) At MHT, Bonehead Tone's shoddy Work of Human Hands is listed as one of the textbooks for the "seminary" course on the modern liturgy. Haven't Big Don, Squirmy, and the Gallic Melancholic read that magnum opus, as Dannie called it? "Consilium" is listed in the course description as one of the topics to be covered. It seems MHT has as little regard for WHH's content as PL has.