A FEAST OF FAT THINGS

I have often thought, says Sir Roger, it happens very well that Christmas should fall out in the Middle of Winter. Addison
It looks as though"One-Hand Dan's" closely shorn flock is getting Pistrina's holiday message. The week after the report of a doubling of the usual offering, the collection recorded in Dannie's Nov. 18  cult bulletin plummeted once again below the normal, post-2009-scandal $3K+ average. (We think the $6K+ report of a few weeks ago represents either a one-off donation from a witless dupe, who didn't know any better, or a reprise of the creative collection statistics of the old N.Y. days.)

The big expenses of "One-Hand's" cult center require far more than $2,800 a week (and, indeed, much more than the depressed $3K+ he's been getting for the last three years). Also, the Christmas season has always been the occasion for outlandish spending so that "One-Hand" can mount his "really big holiday shew," where he's the center of extravagant and undeserved attention. That's why it's so important this year to suppress all giving: sure, they'll still spend like sailors on shore leave in Amsterdam, but they'll have to cannilbalize funds earmarked for other unnecessary but pet projects for self-promotion. By forcing them to consume the money they've sequestered for their own selfish reasons, you'll curtail their influence. As they devour their own resources -- resources that were once yours -- in a frenetic attempt to inspire you to part with more of your money, they won't have any cash to spread around in Mexico, France, and the Swampland. (That'll put the rector's big $30K plan on ice for good!)

That's why it's also important to hold back on personal cash gifts to "One-Hand," the Blunderer, the two gofer-completers, and the Pesthouse. If the holiday spirit (or a  misplaced sense of guilt and pity) compels you to give something, why not give a cash gift in their name to a children's hospital or to some other worthy charity? (What delicious irony!) You'll be doing good while at the same time you'll keep money out of their hands. Believe us, if you make this yuletide a cold and wintry one for the cult panjandrums and their flunkies, they'll get desperate after they've gobbled up all the mad money squirreled away in their several corporations. And that means they'll be softened up for negotiations with the new lay movement. 

Just remember to make them eat up their ready funds: No dough for Dannie; no checks for Ceky; no gelt for the goofy gofers; and no pay-off for the Pesthouse. Let's make 2013 the year when the cult collapses from its own excesses after a winter of discontent.