EACH TO HIS CHOICE

There is a tide in the affairs of men,/Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;/Omitted, all the voyage of their life/Is bound in shallows and in miseries. Shakespeare.

Editor's Note: Last week we promised to share yet another instance of the rector's scholarly deficiency. We'll put off that post until next time in light of a highly publicized incident that took place last week.

Every day, human beings get a chance to make the right choice, to stand on the side of the angels. Occasionally, perhaps only once in a lifetime, Providence presents us with a challenge to moral greatness. Often the decision to make that right choice, to join the saints, leads to ruin in this life; sometimes, however, immense temporal rewards can result from a morally principled decision.

Take the case of Tiger Woods last week. What would have happened if, after the exposure of his admitted violation of the rules of golf, he had immediately disqualified himself on the grounds that the integrity of the game and his reputation meant more than the thousands (or tens of thousands) of dollars he stood to gain if he continued play at the 2013 Masters?

The answer's easy: Tiger would have become an ethical rock star.

Mr. and Mrs. America, ever eager to pardon celebrity, would have forgiven all the bimbos and forgotten the lurid gossip. Tiger would have been washed in the laver of televised public redemption. Glib, blow-dried sportscasters would have choked up; silver-haired grannies would have wept; solemn pundits would have filled the airwaves and cyberspace with gravely pondered admiration. Perhaps the President would have gratuitously intruded himself to pontificate on the supreme importance of good character in today’s virtue-starved world.

What Fortune 500 company, what Wall-Street financial powerhouse, what deodorant manufacturer, for that matter, would not have stood in line with fabulously lucrative endorsement offers for good ol' Tiger, the straight arrow, the man of transcendent rectitude, the Honest Abe Lincoln of the links?

But he didn’t step up. He didn’t take Nick Faldo’s advice to think about “the mark this will leave on his career, his legacy.” He passively-aggressively explained how he moved the ball back two yards; he parsed his admission in terms of the right yardage; and finally (and predictably)  he “respected” the decision of the (ratings motivated?) Augusta rules committee to invoke a special-circumstances rule so he could play on through the weekend.

In a nutshell, he blew the ethics championship. Now he’ll be remembered for both the bimbos AND the weaseling. (And he didn’t even finish in the top three.)*

Before we consider how all this applies to Sedeville's panjandrums, let’s examine one more case from the sports world. At the 2004 Olympics,  Paul Hamm’s gold medal in the men’s gymnastics all-around was called into question. A South Korean had been incorrectly scored and should have won the gold.  Although the International Federation of Gymnasts (FIG) decided not to change the results, the body suggested that if Hamm would return his 

medal to the Korean if the FIG requested it, then such an action would be recognized as the ultimate demonstration of fair-play by the whole world. The FIG and the IOC [International Olympic Committee] would highly appreciate the magnitude of this gesture.

But star-crossed Hamm, no doubt pressured by the narrow interests of the U.S. Olympic Committee (USOC), steadfastly and defiantly turned down his golden opportunity to be magnanimous. 

Hamm had been in talks with General Mills to appear on the Wheaties cereal box, but nothing came of it after the controversy. One can only imagine the other opportunities that would have opened up to him had he told his medal-counting USOC minders to stand down as he stood up for what was right. He might not have become the spokes-jock for “The Breakfast of Champions,” but countless other deep-pocketed enterprises would have knocked down his door to sign up the poster boy of good sportsmanship.

His refusal perhaps explains his descent. The last report we read was that Hamm had been arrested in Upper Arlington, Ohio, accused of assault. He was heard on police video admitting he'd had about eight drinks. As Hamm sat handcuffed in the back of a cruiser, he asked police to release him and protested, "I don't understand. I'm gonna kill you guys." Now in people's minds he's another one of life's losers: the media had him for breakfast, and he's definitely not a champion.

Like Tiger and Hamm, the rector, too, had his singular moment of choice in November and December of 2009. He should have demanded that “One-Hand” remove the principal, discipline the Blunderer for his active role in the whole mess, and restore the individuals he unjustly fired after first begging their pardon before the entire cult membership: if “One-Hand” were to refuse, the rector would then denounce him publicly and cut off the supply of indentured servants from the swampland. Instead, the rector helped “One-Hand” circle the wagons. He sent a letter to advise a former benefactor to resume donations -- the pesthouse, mind you,  was also a recipient of the lost largess -- and another to argue (rather snarkily, we think) lest “One-Hand” and the Blunderer be reduced to working as big-box-store greeters. Yet the rector provided more than written aid and comfort: he allowed "One-Hand" to host a retreat for the pesthouse inmates, where they bowed, scraped, and waited on the embattled cult master (as he later reported when he got back to the wobbly Traddie Trash of SW Ohio).

For his miscalculation, the rector received some unexpectedly harsh replies to his missives from the laity. (He thought he was untouchable back in those days.)  In fact, he was unceremoniously taken to the woodshed by one very educated layman. But far worse than the verbal thrashing he endured was the permanent loss of traditional Catholics' esteem. He showed he didn't have the right stuff: The rector laid an egg in the moral theater.

He'll never escape the ignominy. Had the rector stepped up to the plate, he would have been the toast of Traddielandia -- and doubtlessly the financial beneficiary of all that fuzzy, gooey, Traddie good will. Even more to his advantage, his flaws and the pesthouse's terminal defects would have remained uncovered. (You know, a forgotten consecration, historical and linguistic errors, a botched graveside service, a hurried late-night exodus after a manic screamfest, the invention of mortal sins, etc.) Maybe, just maybe, he would have been able to get his big $30 K beggar's plan off the ground.

He turned his nose up at a once-in-a-lifetime chance and chose ruin instead. No wonder the sede cult is flatlining in 2013.

*Tiger’s behavioral resemblance to the cult masters of Traddielandia is eerie. When speaking of the Friday slow-play penalty assessed against a 14 year old middle-school competitor from China -- a penalty seldom invoked against the old pros -- Tiger quipped, “Well, rules are rules.” Just like the sede cult masters! Some individuals are indeed more equal than others and consequently above the law.