... and all you viciously judgmental cult queen bees, wherever you may be!
Pistrina's got a quiz just for you.
Can you tell us what's wrong with this picture of Deacon Dan (taken during his recent luxury vacation to beautiful, springtime Argentina)?
No, it's not the hard truth that "One-Hand Dan" may not have the right to sport prelatical vesture.
No, it's not the fact that a sede "bishop" -- if he really believed in the vacancy of the Holy See -- would wear a purple-trimmed black choir cassock and black mantelletta.
And no, it's not that the cassock of the priest on the left looks to be about 6 to 8 inches too short.
Don't you see? Yes, that's right. It's the two well-poised, young women wearing the elegant veils, standing at Dubious Dan's right.
What's that, you say?
Nooooo! It's not that they're pretty and therefore couldn't possibly be real cultie chicks!
Look carefully, ladies! You're experts at finding fault with your fellow Christians. Try harder.
Don't you see?
They're wearing PANTS --
-- a flagrant violation of the Gertrudian Dress Code and of all things held holy by the freaky gringo sede cult masters! And yet ... a fast-aging, over-fed Dannie looks as pleased as Punch with it all! (Or why else would he allow himself to be so photographed?)
Oh, we can hear you making the excuses now. "'When in Rome...,'" you'll snidely cluck in a hypocritical defense of Dirtbag Dan's rare tolerance of the real world. But, ladies, the trouble with that argument is that this "Rome" where trouser-clad women can be modest, devout, and properly attired in church is everywhere, including the United States of America.
So, then, what's O.K. for demure traditional Catholics in sunny South America should be O.K. for fanatical cultie babes in dismal SW Ohio, USA, right?
Dannie's photographically documented attitude proves that the cult's prohibition of pants is irrational and outlandishly puritanical, symptomatic of a deeply seated psychological disorder. It's just another mechanism to control the already whipped tradettes: If you can tell 'em what to wear, you can tell 'em how much to give.
The sensible, sophisticated, and well-educated Argentines (and other Latin Americans) know that wearing pants nowadays doesn't turn women into raging feminists, nor does it show disrespect for the house of God. Whether we like it or not, pants are no longer exclusively men's outerwear according to the general custom, so there's no violation of the Summa's teaching or of Deuteronomy 22.
That's a sick fiction of the nutty, malformed sede leadership. Moreover, the two young ladies are not alone in their choice of apparel. Note in the photo to the right that both grannies and great-grannies are wearing pants as they pose with a brightly beaming Wee Dan. And, by the way, some of the girls in the other snapshots have open-toed shoes and sandals, while some of the men are wearing blue-jeans, logo-sweat shirts, and athletic shoes.(Click here, but do it fast, because after this they'll probably take down the pix.)
You "bishop -bewitched" Gertie gals need to ask yourselves a question: If His Tolerancy doesn't have a problem with women's pants and exposed female feet in Argentina, why doesn't he allow you gringo chicas the same privilege? Aren't you tired of freezing in the winter and boiling in the summer just to satisfy the cult masters' lubricious superstitions about what decent, contemporary women should wear? The business, governmental, and social worlds now universally accept women's dress trousers, and well-adjusted men of today are no longer inflamed with uncontrollable lust at the sight of a patch of skin.
You know in your heart that dress pants are perfectly appropriate in Church today, just as you know that peep-toe, nude-heel shoes or sandals won't carry you or normal guys to hell. You know you're not responsible for how degenerate, traddie pervo males react. (If you believe you're at fault, you'll have to lock yourselves indoors all day long or else get a burka.) You also know that women's pants per se are no threat to modesty: Some of those pioneer dresses of Tradistan are wrapped so tight they leave no room to imagination. And, let us add, what man out there isn't eternally grateful that Hillary Clinton prefers pant-suits to dresses?
Hunh? What's that you're hissing at us?
"Big Don wouldn't have tolerated the dress-code infractions! Those modernist Jezabels would've been driven out like the moneychangers in the temple."
We'll, you're probably right on that point, ladies. No doubt an overwrought rector would've sent the two nice, young women scurrying red-faced out of the hall, followed by the sweet, little first communicants and confirmands weeping bitterly from fear, on the heels of embarrassed matrons hobbling to safety as fast as their canes or blue-jeaned, sneaker-shod menfolk could propel them. But would that have been Christian? And what Catholic truth would such a violent outburst have defended? How many souls would've been won for Christ? How many souls lost to the Novus Ordo or the evangelical sects?
Ladies, can't you see this pants-prohibition nonsense for what it is? Another way to meddle in your lives. Obviously, Li'l Dan doesn't really give a hoot about his own rules. So that means you Gertie gals now have the opportunity to kick the cult-master creeps out of your clothes closets.
Here's all you have to do:
1. Print out a copy of the first photo above.
2. Put on a pair of old dress slacks (cult central's a filthy, rodent-infested dump).
3. March into the crumbling cult center on Sunday.
4. When a sleazy usher/bouncer tries to stop you from entering, show him the photo and shout,
"It's O.K. See for yourself: Bishop APPROVES!"5. Go sit down on one of the dirty pews and wait for the (possibly simulated) Mass to begin.
You won, girl-friend! Double-standard Dan won't utter a peep.
And now you'll be warm through the fall and winter.