Saturday, June 3, 2017

THE "BISHOP'S (?)" BESTIARY, Chapter 3

Bestiary: A type of literature, particularly popular in the medieval centuries, in which the habits of beasts, birds, and reptiles were made the text for allegorical and mystical teachings. These bestiaries often ascribed human attributes to animals and were designed to moralize and to expound church doctrine. The natural history employed is fabulous rather than scientific... Thrall, Hibbard, and Holman's A Handbook to Literature (1936).

Editor's Note: This is the third installment in a series inspired by a comment letting us in on Dannie's secret critter code. According to our informant, the stupid but deadly animal stories in Wee Dan's weekly "Corner" are apologues about his critics/enemies or his sufferings at their hands.

In the two previous chapters of THE "BISHOP'S (?)" BESTIARY (see 4/22 and 3/18), the Readers handily managed to decode "One Hand's" disturbingly obsessive narratives of his cutthroat cats' butchering bunnies and mutilating mice. Today, however, we're facing a big challenge. To tell you the truth, we're really stumped, so PL begs your indulgence as we work through it all.

For Easter II 2017, in that charnel house of bloody horrors he calls "The Bishop's (?) Corner," Dannie intoned the following goose-bump-inducing, throbbingly hypnotic pronouncement (we've marked the primary stresses so you can shiver along with him to the haunting dactylic lilt):
Two vúltures were pérched on the réctory rf. I wónder what thát porténds.
di-DUM-di-di-DUM-di-di-DUM-di-di-DUM: di-DUM-di-di-DUM-di-dum. 
Saints preserve us! That IS o-mi-NOUS. Mwahahahaha.

As Dan's ill-boding incantation reveals, the baleful spectacle must've rattled His Credulousness. No doubt he recalled a Mexican exorcist's eerie vision of a ghostly, moribund $GG encircled by robotically marching, downcast Gerties. No doubt the humble devil-fighter's stark warning came to mind again after years of repressing his message of conversion:  That courageous man had battled demons in Oaxaca, where to this day curanderos ply their dark trade, where ancient pagan beliefs and hideous rites abide. The roosting pair of raptors must've reminded Druid Dan how ill-starred he was when he turned a deaf ear to the saintly Tapatío's sobering admonition.

In company with the Wee One, we find ourselves asking each other, What can this wake of peering vultures mean? Casting welcome light on the question is a May 1 comment from a knowledgeable correspondent:
... there are two kinds [of vultures] in Cincinnati. The red headed Turkey vulture, a strict scavenger with weak talons and a good nose, and the black headed vulture, which is an opportunistic killer and a bully who drives the Turkey vulture from its finds. I doubt Dolan knows this stuff, but vulture life seems to fit the antics of these guys quite well, the black headed kind of course.
A definite insight, for sure, but we remain perplexed.

IF the $GG cult masters are the Coragyps atratus, the aggressive black vulture known to kill lambs and newborn calves, and IF they are not the dumpster-diving, roadkill-feeding turkey vulture, then why did Double-Whammy Dannie choose the word "portends"? According to our lexicon, that means serving as a supernatural omen of impending calamity.

Could it be, do you think, Li'l Daniel has been so weakened after the 2009 $GG $chool $candal that he sees himself not as the dominant black-headed Coragyps but rather as the timid, red-headed turkey buzzard Cathartes aura, which feeds off the dead because it's not strong enough to prey on the living?

Considering what Wee Dan wrote in his May 21 "Corner," His Enfeeblement's diminished self-image could open the way to the explanation we've been seeking. Let's read his words with care:
Did you ever see the little reminder in the bulletin: “Remember St. Gertrude the Great in your will”? Barb Steinmetz did, or more properly speaking, actually took out a life insurance policy in our favor. We are so grateful to her for this! The “big ticket” expenses are many, and our income just does not meet them. Would you consider remembering us in your will?
All righty! Now we're finally getting somewhere. What Dannie seems to be saying is:
The only way for $GG to maintain its extravagantly wasteful expenditures is for Gerties TO DIE!
Yes! Yes! Yes!  That's IT!  By Jove! We think we've got it!

PL isn't stumped any longer.

"Bp.(?)" Dan IS the red-headed, scavenging turkey buzzard, not the black-headed vulture. No doubt about it. (We should have guessed it beforehand, what with all his horaltic posing in cope and amaranthine biretta.) Accordingly, if Deacon Dan's merely a mild-mannered buzzard soiling his own legs and vomiting foul-smelling, semi-digested carrion to ward off enemies, then the key question to finding the answer to what the raptor sighting "portends" is this:
If Dannie's the weakling Cathartes, who is the threatening SW Ohio Coragyps?
In other words, which of His Uneasiness's many competitors for scarce financial resources is "the opportunistic killer and bully who drives the Turkey vulture from its finds"? And is there just one black vulture menacing his besieged territory or could Hoo-Doo Dan be on edge about several?

At last, the profound truth seems clear:
Dannie doesn't quite yet know whom or what the black vulture represents. It could be any one of five territorial rivals: the Ham Sandwich, SSPV, CMRI, FSSP, or SSPX. They've all got roosts right next to his in SW Ohio, each one ready to plunder the carcasses he's found. There's also a possibility that the second vulture on the roof could be an interloper from Tradzilla's new "Institute," perhaps one of Dannie's own fledglings who'll leave the nest when the Donster swoops in on a recruitment drive for his "Institute." 
Were PL asked to wager which specific threat the black vulture symbolizes, we'd have to put our money on the Ham Sandwich. Not only does "The Sammich" have a miter and a vulgarian's taste for big shows, he knows the Gerties, many of whom once admired him (and more than likely still do). 
Rambozo's a likable bumpkin with sharp-elbows and upwardly mobile aspirations fueled by outsized appetites. He could step right in to fill Dannie's episcopal sandals. Moreover, as a former garden-store helper, he would properly care for the sickly-looking, neglected Knockout Roses Li'l Daniel so often mentions in the "Corner." 
After taking charge of $GG, the Ramster would immediately get rid of the biggest of the "'big ticket' expenses" — the "Principal" who brought on the 2009 $GG $chool $candal.  Naturally his removal would come with predictably disastrous consequences for the two cult masters: The "Principal"once menacingly confided he knew too much to be fired. Letting the cat out of the bag at long last might be what our red-headed turkey buzzard dreads most
As ever in this series, the Readers invite the viewing public to weigh in on the comments page with their own interpretations. After all, the two vultures Wee Dan spied may have an altogether different significance. More specifically, the doom they presage may be worse than a hostile takeover of the dying $GG cult.


  1. From what I've come across, wouldn't Sanborn be more of the black vulture type?

    1. Yes, indeed. And that's why we suggested his new "Institute" might be one of Dannie's worries. But the other contenders for the prize are stronger than he is right now. Plus, after so many years of $GG's "quietism lite" and all the bad talk about the rector's hellfire and brimstone theology, the laid-back hilljacks of SW Ohio might not cotton to Big Don's rigorism on steroids.

    2. Another candidate for the black vulture might be Big Don’s unhinged prefect. But then he’d have to be a vulture with a frontal lobotomy – oops! – make that a TOTAL lobotomy!

    3. We don't think Big Don would let him out of the Swampland cage. Even the twitching, trailer-trash Gerties would release that bird into the wild after a few days: He's wound tighter than an 8-day clock.

  2. Actually I think the real point is a collection of these ideas succinctly stated: Dolan is in financial meltdown. His Barb Steinmetz "go out and get us a life insurance policy beacuse we can't pay the bills.

    2/ Ramolla is toast - small fry - an insipid crowd pleaser - until he abandons the crowd - for one where better prospects await. - a dilettante.

    3/ If you ask me Dan's been putting 3000 - 4000 in the collection in the kitty each week. You just don't see 50% drop in attendance and a steady stream of mullah hitting the basket unless you're bank-rolling yourself. He's worried about long-term finance and when he's pawned his last crosier - the collectors will be calling again - this time for the theater building where he played some of his memorable parts...

    1. How is Ramolla going to ditch the idea that his episcopal "consecration" came from a married man with children (he just conveniently forget to mention) ?

    2. June 3, 10:23 PM

      We agree with you entirely on all three points, especially #3. $GG is not sustainable; the wolf is at the door. Can you imagine how Dannie must resent all the money that goes to the "Principal," the man at the center of the 2009 $GG $chool $candal? Think of all the "'big ticket' expenses" that salary could pay for (including luxury spa vacations and trips abroad). The pain must be sharper when Dan considers that his own cultlings opt to send their children to private Protestant academies rather that to $GG "School." That's a lot of money he'll never see. It seems to us that if the "school" can't produce the income to cover all expenses and salaries and contribute to the chapel's coffers as well, it should be shuttered. But that can't ever happen, can it?

      June 3, 10:28 PM

      Anterior to your question is another: How is the Ham Sandwich going to ditch the idea that his priestly "ordination" came from "One-Hand Dan"?

      As PL has shown in detail, after Pius XII's 1947 apostolic constitution, ordination conferred with one hand must be considered dubious. And a dubious sacrament is no sacrament at all.

      But none of this will stop "The Sammich" from coveting what Dannie has, despite the prospect of $GG's pending collapse.

    3. Hi, Readers

      Ahuva & Julie AGAIN! So happy you ignored that "Sad Trad" who complained about the B(?)B series. We love it! So does our class.

      We need some help with the illustration in the first line. How do you translate "inuilo finuio"?

      This is off the subject but did you guys ever think about writing your own bestiary about Tradzilla, One hand, and all the other creeps in Tradistan. Ahuva's brother would draw the pictures.

      Shalom to all the pervie bigots who hate your site.

    4. Welcome back, Ladies. Not to worry: there'll be more installments of THE "BISHOP'S" BESTIARY: we've got too much material not to continue, and Dannie keeps supplying us with more and more of these lapses of taste. Six in all have been slated for 2017.

      The correct transcription for the Latin words in question is in Nilo fluvio, "in the Nile River." Reading medieval MS hands takes practice to distinguish some of the letters from each other.

      To be honest, we'd never considered writing a bestiary of Tradistan, but it might be fun. There are a lot of monsters there. Hmmmm. Let's see. For "One Hand," we might start off with

      Monocheir serpens dictus eo quod in capite cornibus utriusque Testamenti egeat..."The serpent Monocheir [Gk. for 'with but one hand'] is so called because on its head it is devoid of the horns of both Testaments..."

      We didn't coin "Monocheir." It's a real Greek word found in Nichomachus of Gerasa's discussion of deficient numbers, numbers "whose factors are less than though one should be one-handed...The parts, therefore, fall short of making up the whole."

      And since you two belong to dispensations other than the Roman Catholic, the reference to the "horns of both Testaments" comes from the rite of consecration of bishops, at the imposition of the miter. The more common opinion, according to Noldin, is that you've got to be a valid priest first before you can be validly consecrated a bishop, so his orders are doubtful. Hence, the lack of horns.

      If we get time on vacation, we might complete Dannie's entry and do one for Tradosaurus Rex. We'll send them to you guys by email.

  3. Waiting for Gerties to die... OMG, you really do create fantastic images. A wonderful guild offers a lovely card of S. Gertrude, but I can't think of purchasing one because of your lines.

    On the other hand that card could be the official memorial for what could be called The Dead Gerties Sodality.

    1. You've probably given the cult masters a suggestion they'll follow up with. The cost of sodality membership would be a non-revocable insurance policy naming $GG the sole beneficiary. They'd also demand to know the name of the insurance agent so they could make sure the premiums are paid on time. They might even issue a declaration that failing to keep up payments is a mortal sin.

  4. If Saint Bernie Madoff Church were diocesan, it would be closed before they bankrupt an entire diocese.

    1. $GG would have provoked a canonical visitation years ago if it were part of the Church. However, as a non-Catholic cult it is left alone to bankrupt the Gerties and to deprive their heirs of their rightful inheritance.

  5. As I read this particular post on this blog I cannot help but revisit that horrible scene, captured on YouTube, of Mr. Pope standing at the window in St. Peter's Square with two children at either side of him, as he tossed the while dove into the air.
    The absolute horror of watching two birds of prey sweeping down upon the innocent victim, symbolizing The Paraclete.

    The seagull, and the black bird respectively, symbolizing to me, the destruction of The Church, that comes from both land and sea, far and near.

    I think that $GG symbolizes both vultures of prey. When it is convenient to hunt their prey they wait while perched upon the top of anything to pounce, rip and tear the belongs out of the pockets of their victims with a vengence.

    Then, what appears to be the more docile of the two vultures is waiting for someone else to do the dirty work, as they circle above waiting for the leftovers, which is ample enough to sustain the breed.

    Either way, they are still preying upon their victims whether Dead or Alive.

    1. A very plausible interpretation. Everything you say describes their behavior perfectly.

      Dannie, then, was revealing his modus operandi, perhaps trying to teach the "Young Fathers" how to run the cult when he and the Cheeseball move on.

  6. I used to think you all were smart.
    The entire Western World is about to collapse in flames.
    All you can do is spend time talking about men that is unknown to 99% of the general public.
    Most people who occasionally read this blog have never met these men in person,myself included.
    You all are irrelevant like most traditional Catholic media.
    It would be great if you all could write and inform the clueless traditional Catholic world of when and how this once great hemisphere went to complete excrement.
    Seriously,you all know why everything is literally about to implode and go up in flames.
    Inform these people of how and why this is happening.Traditional Catholics are clueless and irrelevant 95% of the time.
    With more voices like this,maybe we could prevent what looks like obvious imminent doom.
    I say this in all due respect
    God bless you all.

    1. We respect your comment. It's well taken. But remember that most Catholics know of the danger you describe. We're all aware, or at least most of us, that the world is going to hell in a hand basket.

      Others far better than we have warned of the impending catastrophe. Our small mission is to let Catholics know that the Dolan and Sanborn cults are not the proper defense. In fact, they are invitations to fall deeper into the morass.

    2. Anonymous June 7, 2017 at 5:47 PM
      All you can do is spend time talking about men that is unknown to 99% of the general public.
      Most people who occasionally read this blog have never met these men in person,myself included.
      You all are irrelevant like most traditional Catholic media.

      That the participants and reporters here on PL are all irrelevant is a matter of opinion. I’ve no idea why anyone would bother reading this blog, even occasionally, if they’ve never met or heard of the men discussed here (Sinburn, Cekada, Dolan, Pivarunas, and as of late, the Ham Sandwich).

      PL has performed a great service all of these years to trad Catholics everywhere in exposing and reporting the truth about the above named “bishops.” Their politics, corruption, greed, nepotism, redundancies, double standards, bizarre “Catholic” rules, creation of new “"mortal sins, guilt tactics to control the minds and souls of the faithful, creative methods of extracting $$$ from the much more need be listed here to prove PL’s potential worth to trads everywhere?

      The worth and value of PL resides in alerting people to the anomalies these men practice on their followers, claiming to be authentic and true Catholicism. One need not know or have met these men to be “smart” enough to apply the standards PL employs to expose these men as frauds on their own priests and bishops. This assists them in determining whether the chapels and organizations of their respective priests and bishops are in, or falling into, the same trap and condition as the “bishops” P L exposes.

      P L serves as a guide that all trad Catholics can employ in determining where and with whom authentic Catholicism exists in these awful times we live in. If PL and most traditional Catholic media are irrelevant, perhaps you could create a model blog that is relevant to most traditional Catholics.

    3. Anon. 5:47 PM:

      What’s your p[point? You begin your comment with, “I used to think you all were smart.” And then, “All you can do is spend time talking about men that is unknown to 99% of the general public.” Besides being grammatically incorrect, that second sentence really doesn’t say much. You end with, “I say this in all due respect [no punctuation after that], and “God bless you all.” Is that last sentence supposed to “whitewash” or “legitimize” everything that you’ve said prior to that point? And if you think that PL is “irrelevant,” then why did you bother to read the article (and send in your comment)? Actually, PL IS relevant; but, in all due respect, your comment is not.

    4. No it wasn't to whitewash or kiss up.That is simply wishing you all well.
      I don't claim to be smart,intelligent, or grammatically correct.
      I used to read this blog because it has a lot of potential & educated authors.
      God bless you.

  7. Hey P L

    Did you see where Sanborn wrote at the end of his Directories "There FOLLOWS the signatures of the member and of the Superior General"?

    How come someone supposedly educated in good pre-V2 Catholic schools still has problems with subject-verb agreement?

  8. Yes, we did, and we had a good laugh. This is one of the many reasons we find it so difficult to believe the stories about the Donster's having had such a "good" Catholic elementary and high-school education.

    Linguistically we think we can try to explain the error. The idiot has completely confused the usage of local (adverbial) and non-local (introductory expletive) there. Unstressed, non-local there, like stressed local there, often introduces an inversion, as in "There came a time when the culties refused to believe the cult masters' inventions" vs. "THERE are your gloves."

    In the first sentence, grammarians identify non-local there as "preparatory" or "anticipatory," because it points to a following real subject (time). In Don's sentence, "signatures," a plural, is the subject. But among the semi-literate without an ear for spoken English, a temptation exists to consider the anticipatory subject there as singular. Hence problem with subject-verb agreement.

    However, Big Don's there is actually local and stressed. It's not the introductory expletive but an adverb, for he's referring to a particular place in the document where the signatures will be appended. But, of course, he's even got that word all wrong. He should have written "here, " meaning "at this place."