BONUS ROUND OF TRAVELERS' TRIBUNAL

Last week's post was to have been the last in this summer's Travelers' Tribunal series. However, as a number of e-mail correspondents protested, the case was a real "downer." For the trip back home, our followers demanded something on the lighter side. We had to agree. All four cases were pretty disgusting, when you think about it, with the fourth's being so positively repugnant that many travelers had to stop early to find a motel and get a hot shower.

O.K., then, lighten up and put on a happy face :-) This week's bonus case comes from a sermon one of Tradistan's smirking simpletons delivered to the stunned faithful one Sunday. (For safety's sake, while you're reading, the driver might want to pull off to the side of the road in case he or she bursts into convulsive laughter at such stupidity.)

A smarmy priest preaches how he and a pretentious clerical pal were traveling in an expensive European country. He smilingly told the wary faithful that the two of them decided to vacation there because they had heard that priests in Catholic countries dined and lodged free of charge (!)  The churlish twosome checked into a posh hotel, lived large, and ate high on the hog throughout their stay. As the lamebrain priest tells it, the boorish duo was highly impressed with the attentive service, as staff catered to their slightest whim. (These two clowns must have considered themselves as princelings of the Church. Can't you almost hear the self-congratulations these cronies exchanged?) Then, as the tinhorns went to check out of the hotel, they were stunned when management graciously presented the grasping pair of stooges with a HUGE BILL.

Once you recover from your laughing fit, consider first that their chapel probably ended up paying for all this excess luxury motivated by greed and ignorance. Next consider the social origin and mental capacity of clergy who would be so fatuously naïve as to believe that a swank hôtelier would suffer two painfully backward American clerics to lodge in the lap of luxury and gorge themselves on fine continental dining for free. Ask yourselves whether such thinking is mainly moronic or largely larcenous. Finally, ask -- and answer -- why on earth would anyone tell such a story on himself and his sidekick, especially to a congregation that contained some cosmopolitan, well-traveled professionals! Although the anecdote impressed a few of the usual head-twitching, low-brow Tradistan rabble (who were, by the way, foaming with indignation that a foreign innkeeper would dare to charge their cult leaders for fancy grub and deluxe digs), the educated in the audience were alternately amused and aghast at the simple-minded effrontery of this sleazy Mutt-and-Jeff act. (This story has, in years since, proved to be great entertainment at the cocktail parties and dinner outings of the educated Catholic laity. Our question is: Should these vacuous bosom-buddies catch a break for serving as the butt of dozens of cutting jokes at their expense, or do they deserve the maximum punishment for their rapacious intentions?)

WHY GIVE YOUR MONEY TO SUCH SCUMBAGS AND IDIOTS? WHEN YOU GET BACK HOME, FIND AN ALTERNATIVE: IT'LL IMPROVE YOUR SELF-ESTEEM!