CLOTHES MAKE THE MAN

Why don't you go where fashion sits? Puttin' on the Ritz. Irving Berlin

Editor's Note: An early and brief post for this busy holiday weekend.

There's a reason the SW Ohio cult is more an incubus than an inspiration:

American cultic sede-ism is not a coherent system of deeply held convictions. It represents an easy life and a meal ticket for malformed clerical dilettantes, who will not abide the discipline that ironclad principles impose. That's why they don't bother to correct all the errors in their online publications. That's why they won't fix their problematic holy orders. That's why they espouse absolute sedevacantism but still insist the 1917 Code of Canon Law obliges. That's why they preach the necessity of a seminary formation but ordain and associate with a man who underwent what amounts to be a mere tutorial.

Yet there's a rationale behind American sede inconsistency: Why bother with consistency as long as a handful of emotionally needy, "rite-trash" morons will believe anything they're told? As long as enough of them remain firmly tethered to the cult center and keep up support payments, then there's no problem. The sub-Neanderthal laymen and -women are inoculated against the truth, and there's no getting through those very thick, misshapen skulls.

That doesn't frustrate us one little bit. In fact, the cultlings' stubborn refusal to see the truth is what makes it a delight to expose "One Hand," Tony Baloney, and the ragin' rector. You see, it's the same entertainment that bear-baiting offered in the 16th and 17th centuries: a monstrous, lumbering, moaning brute vexed on all sides by nimble, sharply barking adversaries. In the face of biting revelations, the maddened cultie beasts don't know what to do. Their perplexity is side-splittingly funny. Deprived of conscience and a sense of self-preservation, they continue sacrificing their family's future to underwrite the cult masters' excesses despite the lacerating evidence warning them to get out now.

So, for some holiday sport, let's once again open up to one and all Pistrina's bear garden, as we worry these mindless, amoral critters to distraction with another proof that their cult masters are not serious sedes. It's very short and simple, and it goes like this:

American sede big shots are often pictured in their bright purple choir cassocks, purple sashes, and lacy rochets with red lining for the cuffs. It's a splendid sight, since some of these high-flying wandering bishops buy their kit from Gammarelli's, the ritzy papal tailor in Rome. Very eye catching, and the getup is sure to attract attention. However, by the strict code of prelatical vesture, during the vacancy of the Holy See -- the Sede Vacante -- Catholic bishops are to wear a black choir cassock with purple trimmings, a black silk sash, and a rochet with cuffs lined in purple.* And, of course, the purple silk or fine broadcloth mantelletta must be replaced by one made of black cloth, trimmed and lined with purple silk.

Not so fancy, huh?  Kind of hard to preen and shine. You don't cut such a bella figura, do you? You can't feel so special and entitled when you're outfitted so drably, can you? Dressed up mostly in black, you just don't look too ... too ... -- what's the word? Ah, yes! -- episcopal! Won't really do for those junkets south of the border or to France, where all the bright color draws people's attention away from American shallowness and ignorance.  And you're definitely not going to become everybody's center of attention or stand out as the ♪♬grandest Traddie in the Easter parade♩♫.

Yet, if the cult kingpins really and truly believed the Holy See was vacant, and if they really and truly believed all the old rules were in force and were binding, then they'd dress the part, even if it meant they couldn't play peacock in the Tradistan zoo.

C'MON, CULTLINGS: THE CULT POOHBAHS AREN'T REAL. ADMIT IT. BREAK FREE FROM YOUR TETHERS AND CRAWL OUT OF THE BEAR GARDEN TO LICK YOUR WOUNDS. YOUR FAMILIES WILL BE EVER SO GRATEFUL.
LIFE WILL BE BEARABLE ONCE MORE.

*See Dr. Nainfa's Costume of Prelates of the Catholic Church According to Roman Etiquette (1926) or McCloud's 1948 Clerical Dress and Insignia of the Roman Catholic Church.