By golly, Li'l Dan's a sneaky one, isn't he?
Without so much as a peep or a burp, a couple of weeks ago Dannie took off to Albuquerque, New Mexico, "for Confirmations and a pastoral visit to St. Gertrude the Less, and hoping for a bit of warmth as well." No one -- not even the Reader -- was the wiser until "One Hand" published his "Bishop's (?) Corner," although Pistrina had correctly predicted earlier this year a winter side trip to fashionable Santa Fe.
Time was when Wee Dan would've announced his vacation with great fanfare well before he made his getaway: he'd've wanted the Gerties to know the wide extent of his "apostolate." But now, after so much public scrutiny into his dollar-wasting, rambling ways, he's been reduced to creeping out of town without so much as a 'bye-'bye, you suckers.
With Dannie's poor-mouth complaining about this "season of high heating bills" and "the imperious Duke" (the local energy company), we triple-dog-dare the half-frozen, flat-broke Gerties to confront their footloose, wandering "bishop" with a couple of burning questions, now that he's returned from toasting himself in the chic Southwestern sun.
The first sizzling question is: Who paid for the round-trip airfare, local transfer, food/lodging, and the excursion to swanky Santa Fe? (Was there also a quickie sojourn at the ritzy Bishop's Lodge featuring the SháNah Spa and Wellness Center, with its massage-and-meditation teepee?) Did the money come from the pitifully few members of "St. Gertrude the Less" (what a ridiculous name!) or from SGG's coffers? If SGG paid all or some of the freight, then ask if he plans to reimburse the chapel from his Albuquerque stipend and his own Christmas money. Let him know in no uncertain terms that you hard-scrabble Gerties aren't operating a missions society. (And, BTW, demand to see receipts.)
The second red-hot question is: If Travelin' Dan's planning to trot off to Mexicali, Mexico, this winter, who's paying for that? The Mexicali chapel, SGG, or (Absit!) Deacon Dan on his lonesome? Be sure to remind him you were disgusted by last year's Lenten meat-eating bacchanal. Inform him that you don't intend to underwrite such offensive clerical behavior this coming Lent, especially in light of all the recent expenses, like two replacement vehicles, the exterminator, and high heating bills.But let's be open and honest: the West-Chester wild rover's not going to answer these questions. (The sternly ignorant Checkmeister won't allow it.) Therefore, since you're bound to be kicked out for asking them, you might as well just
MAYBE YOU CAN TAKE A VACATION IN 2015, IF YOU GET OUT NOW!