In his squalid "Bishop's (?) Corner," written right before Christmas, "One-Hand Dan" indulged in his wonted (and unwanted) oversharing. There he left us with this stomach-turning, but significant, revelation:
...the fortnight before Christmas a mouse in the house of the young fathers had stirred himself right into the fridge. How we are not sure, but there he was feasting away all night long like the priests of Dagon in Daniel. Well, we set a trap, and...plugged with a pen the smallest of holes, and the dike is holding. Our tasty leftovers (thank you, Cucina cooks) are again safe.Now a decent person brought up in a normal, middle-class home would exclaim in disgust, "Eeeewwww! Gross! Why would you ever make public such a story!?"
From Dannie's graphic remarks, you'd have to conclude the residence is a filthy pigs' sty teeming with nests of house mice so cheeky that they breezily make themselves at home in the refrigerator to snack on rotting discards (that were probably put away uncovered). "One Hand's" detailed description makes it painfully easy to imagine the stench of that dump, the uncleanliness of which must surely attract all kinds of diseased critters. A genteel mind doesn't even dare think of how contaminated that unhygienic fridge must be, let alone consider storing food there ever again. The vision Dannie's given us is enough to gag a maggot on a gut wagon: hantavirus haven, that's for sure!
Dirtbag Dan leaves the impression that the whole trashy place must look like a misfit frat house on double-secret probation after an unspeakably gruesome pledge week, doesn't it? His barf-inducing account suggests three things: (1) the absence of adult supervision, (2) the alarmingly accelerated decay of the cult's dreary, industrial-park campus, and (3) a fresh money-raising campaign on the horizon.
Since (1) is a no-brainer, let's briefly consider (2) and (3).
Dannie's report of a raccoon infestation in the cult center's walls has been a "Corner" obsession for several long weeks. It looks like the problem's getting worse, for in the same pre-Christmas "mice-in-the-icebox" message he confided:
The church wall raccoons have sublet, I fear, to even noisier beasts, and are bickering all during Mass and Vespers, roaming all through the house. Animals are territorial, aren’t they?The whole incompetently designed, cheaply constructed rat-trap has been on its last legs for several years now. Now, it seems, it's been taken over by varmints known to carry rabies, roundworm, and leptospirosis. That's why public-health officials warn people to rid themselves of these foul pests as soon as possible after detection. Under no circumstances should rabies-vector species be permitted to go "roaming all through the house." In the meantime, the more civilized Gerties are advised to keep their children away from the cult center until such dangerous wildlife can be removed and all areas -- including the scandal-scarred school -- are thoroughly disinfected by certified professionals. There are probably raccoon latrines scattered throughout the entire crumbling structure!
Since cult revenue gets squandered, there can't be any funds for regular maintenance, and apparently there's no ready-money to call in a licensed pest-control firm. So Dannie has the perfect set-up for an early-winter fund raiser to tax the already grumbling and tapped-out cultists: More donations to buy an expensive, new refrigerator and hire an exterminator to clean up the unsanitary mess.
We expect to hear the first call for cash before the end of January, around the time when final planning gets under way for "One Hand's" Mexicali, Mexico, winter getaway cum dining extravaganza -- oops! we mean "apostolate." (Surely there'll be enough donations to set aside a nice portion for the south-of-the-border escapade, especially if they buy a second-hand, low-efficiency fridge for the woebegone "priests" of Daniel. Why, there might be enough for a quickie side trip to chic Old Santa Fe.)
When the cult masters come begging, tell 'em to clean up their act and use their own Christmas money if they want to rid their shabby living quarters of vermin. Meanwhile, put into action your resolution to leave the cult in 2015. Have a frank talk with the whole family this weekend. Tell 'em it's time to be cleansed of these clerical pests infesting your bank account.