Out of the inner parts shall a tempest come.* Book of Job
So far, 2016 has been a rotten year for the SW Ohio-Brooksville cult.
In addition to unsuccessfully battling armies of invading rodents, Dirtbag Dan's had to walk back both his error-tarred ORDO 2016 AND his embarrassingly self-promotional "All Saints Roman Catholic Calendar," which doesn't have one image of a saint (except in the background of the grainy pix featuring untrained cult masters or their stooges). Meanwhile, on the internet, the Cheeseburger's being taken to a hard school as he repeatedly steps in his own doo-doo while simultaneously putting the rector in harm's way.
By any reckoning, just beyond the horizon there's a perfect storm brewing to wreck Cultilandia. "One Hand" may see a few gathering storm clouds, but he can't seem to chart a forecast. For instance, in last week's "Bishop's (?) Corner," His Shortsightedness wrote,
... last Lent we had weather every Sunday, and those who needed an excuse—some don’t, of course—stayed away from Church all Lent long. Last Sunday we were between snows, and it was cold. Many of you stayed home to be on the safe side. When the weatherman intones snow, people think Kroger, not church.Understandably, Wee Dan refuses to admit that nowadays the cult zombies will lunge at any excuse to stay away from dying SGG. When cultlings are content, almost nothing can keep them away from their creepy Mass centers. Kept happy, they'll cram their huffing womenfolk and sniveling bairns into the rusted family van to plow through any weather. They like nothing better than to plop their over-sized rear ends into a filthy pew for the "big show," with the promise of loads of empty-calorie grub afterwards.
But when they're out of sorts, any reason will persuade them to stay put on the ol' homestead. And excuses are easy to come by since "goin' ta meetin'" means sitting hang-dog through aggressive, accusatory demands for more money to bail the cult masters out of their bad financial decisions. Encouraging cultie truancy is the common knowledge that Dannie and Checkie together have become the laughingstock of Trad Nation.
His Insignificancy's announcement that Bonehead Tone has "started work on another video" isn't going to improve attendance either. Anyway, that's just Dannie-speak for "Tony Baloney is incapable of producing a well-reasoned, written response in academic prose to Messrs. Salza and Siscoe." Illiterate as they may be, the Gerties intuitively sense the Blunderer is trapped with no means of escape. As long as the bloggers at True or False Pope continue to dissect Erroneous Antonius's inanities, there'll be no spiritual comfort for the unwashed as the overcompensating Checkmeister descends into all-consuming YouTube mania. The attendant neglect and resentment will only add more energy to the oncoming twister.
If the advent of the looming catastrophe solely depended on overcompensating Dannie's or Tony Baloney's awkward missteps, our models would predict a much later cataclysm than we now anticipate. The atmospherics, however, have completely changed now that the Blunderer's impolitic fight-picking has sucked Big Don into the storm's path. For years the rector's been uttering, almost with impunity, countless absurdities about faith and morals. Much to his regret, Tradistan's media outlet, True Restoration Radio, has made the Donster's droning voice accessible to a wider audience, one that, for a change, includes intelligent Catholics.
Consequently, in what must assuredly be an unintended outcome of this PR campaign gone distressingly haywire, Big Don's crackpot theories are no longer hidden from view in the murky underworld of weird Tradistani websites and chapels, where unthinking rite-trash swarm like dung flies on a freshly manured field. With True Restoration Radio, Donnie's perversely re-imagined Catholicism presents a big, inviting target for professionally educated sharpshooters who can prove he's wrong. All they needed was sufficient reason to go after him, despite his small-time status.
Checkie's parasitic relationship with the rector and the MHT pesthouse handed the critics their opening. Recently True or False Pope squarely took aim and scored a bull's eye. In a marvelously argued post (click here), they affirm what Pistrina has been saying for years: Big Don "makes a mockery out of the Catholic Faith and the episcopal office itself. He should be shunned by all true Catholics." Take our word for it: Big Don will never recover from this tour de force analysis from someone with a disciplined intellect informed by deep reading and genuine Catholic faith.
There are two compelling reasons to recommend that you immediately read this game-changing post:** First, it shows precisely how alien the Donster's mind is to authentic Catholic thought. Never again will you believe anything Big Don spouts once you see how he reduced theological discourse to a cheap vaudeville mentalist's stunt. To earn a few extra bucks to alleviate his future indigence, the rector should hang out a shingle hyping
Second, and more interestingly, we suspect the post will hasten the fragmentation of Tradistan. Donnie cannot be happy that Bonehead Tone put him in the deadly accurate sights of the über-competent bloggers at True or False Pope. (Those guys are good! They're sovereign proof of the practical benefit of a sound, formal education.) The dislocation has surely jarred the rector's unearned sense of entitlement. After that post, the "Swami of Sedelandia" has to realize he's through. Like Garbo's depressed Grusinskaya, the Donster might be wondering at this moment who would trouble about a vagans who babbles fantasy theology no more. What will he do? "Grow orchids? Keep white peacocks?"
Naaaaw. He'll more than likely just consecrate his impatient successor and wait for his pink slip from the real boss.
As you read that terrific True or False Pope post, listen carefully. You'll hear the distant yet unmistakable roar heralding the whirlwind that will split the cult cabal in twain as soon as it touches ground at Dannie's ramshackle doorstep. If you'd like, you can speed its cleansing arrival by forwarding the True or False Pope link to as many of your friends and relatives as you can. For your convenience, here it is again, ready and waiting for insertion into your email or blog:
** "Game-changing" because, in this case, there is no credible defense for Sanborn's outlandish position. By his own words, he stands condemned without appeal.