Saturday, February 25, 2017


The pancake bell rings, the pancake bell, tri-lill my hearts... Dekker*

Last week PL reported on "One-Hand Dan's" strategy of season-long, mandatory-attendance "social events" in a doomed effort to revive his cultlings' flagging enthusiasm for $GG side shows. As you can see above with your very own eyes, the Lenten assault on Gertie pocketbooks and minds begins February 26, Quinquagesima $unday 2017.

Looks as though he's pulled out all the stops, too.

Like a sleaze-bag promoter of dicey vacation timeshares deals, Li'l Daniel's recruiting the suckers with cheap free snacks and trashy gaming thrills.  According to last week's "Corner," attendees at this kick-off event are ordered to "plan to stop by ... to eat a pancake or two." (Man, oh, man, isn't he generous! Plus the chutzpah's breathtaking: he makes their plans for them and then sets stingy limits to what they may ingest. Why couldn't he be prodigal and invite 'em to a stack or two of rubbery flap jacks?)

You can tell Plannin' Dan's worried the Gerties suspect he's only interested in their money. In the same "Corner," he went out of his way to make a disclaimer: "This is a fun raiser, not a fund raiser...." If you believe that, we've got a lovely bridge in Brooklyn to sell you.

What about the Bingo game at 12:45? Is everyone going to play for funzies? If that's the case, nobody'll show up, Dan's command notwithstanding. As every cultie juvenile delinquent can tell you, gambling demands prizes — preferably a great, big cash jackpot. No bucks = no fun. So, then, where's the money coming from?  The $unday collection baskets? Or will Bingo cards be "available" for a "donation"? And, if so, how much of the "donation" money will make it to the pot? Will all the cash go there, or will $GG first take a hefty cut?

The "Corner" described Dirtbag Dan's cult carnival as "a little purposeful church fun...fitting for Shrovetide or Mardi Gras."**  Huh? "Church fun"??? That's a Bergoglian contradictio in adjecto, if we ever saw one! Perhaps he isn't aware that, historically, the Church condemned and endeavored to eliminate the wanton merry-making and triumphant libertinism attendant to the excessively wild days of thinly disguised pagan revelry culminating with mardi gras.

Carnival frolic, in origin and in practice, is by definition opposed to the sacred. Accordingly, it earned its relentless persecution on the part of ecclesiastical authorities. Yet here we have a sede "bishop" (LOL) embracing lustily the transgressive, carnal spirit Holy Mother Church labored for centuries to eradicate.

Instead of exhorting Gerties to set aside an afternoon of quiet recollection in solemn preparation for the onset of the penitential season,  His Conviviality purposefully distracts them from godly thoughts with alluring games of chance, tingling whispers of licensed overindulgence, and titillating promises of good times rollin' on throughout Lent. Outrageously, he's reduced Quinquagesima at $GG to a "dimanche gras" (= "fat $unday") of frivolous abandon.

Why, the pious Catholic asks, would "One Hand" do such a thing on the Sunday before Ash Wednesday, making a mockery of the Roman Church's centuries-long opposition? What greater good could ever result from this unholy inversion of traditional values?

We think we have the answer in clues Dannie himself let slip. Notice the apparent typo in the ad reproduced above: "Games and cards available for a causal good time." The Readers are always on the lookout for Dannie's frequent linguistic faux pas, but this isn't one of them. We definitely don't think he meant "casual."

There is a very specific cause that this "purposeful church fun" supports, namely, "One-Hand Dan." If the folks don't show up for this year's Lenten bacchanals, he's at risk of losing them, their dollars, and their free chow to his stiff competition in SW Ohio. So the objective of this gravely offensive hard-partying is clear: shore up Dan's moribund enterprise before it expires.

From a cult-building point of view, Dannie's survival instincts are spot on. Frequent, large-group activities centered on a central, domineering personality are useful to increase cultish solidarity. Moreover, they make participants dependent on each other in order to find meaning in their empty lives. In this sense, all Dan's "$ocial $unday" gluttony and puerile amusement*** is not much different in aim from some shady corporate team-building exercises. There the lesson is that only a cohesive group submitting to an all-controlling head-honcho can give transcendent purpose to otherwise routine activities.

Sustaining the sense of commonality in both religious cults and secular organizations is trust. It's the magic elixir that bewitches otherwise normal people into subordinating their own and their families' interests to the objectives of the group under its overreaching, self-obsessed guru. Without this trust, not only will such activities as Dannie has scheduled for Lent 2017 fail in their purpose, they'll have the opposite effect.

The disaffected Gerties'll actively resist the crude effort to manipulate their time, their attitudes, and their money. The frightened, twitching unfortunates who hobble into one or two of the "social events" will gravitate to other wretches of a similar mind to share their resentment. Thus $GG's Lenten socials will produce a virulently subversive fifth column within SW Ohio cult.

It's time for Dannie to face the music. The mojo's vanished from $GG. Only a few, pathetic degenerates still believe he's got what it takes to direct their lives. By now, most traditional Catholics don't for a second think he's a broadly cultured churchman cut from the same cloth as pre-Vatican II clergy. Many aren't sure whether he possesses valid holy orders, and everyone is familiar with his innumerable educational shortcomings. Most importantly, all TradNation is fed up with his morbid, weekly stupid cat stories. All that keeps Gerties at the cult center on $undays is the common human aversion to change, even when conditions are almost unbearable.

But when they become absolutely unbearable, that's when upheaval breaks out. The 2009 $GG $chool $candal was too much for the really decent people. Wincing under the sting of conscience, they had to get out. The years following that first revolt brought with them an onslaught of revelations about the cult masters and their inadequacies, revelations that no one but the most depraved can ignore. Avoidance of "One Hand's" Lenten side-shows is a sure sign the culties are restive again.

Tortured by a deep moral unease with their scheming masters, Gerties are steadily opting out.  For many, Li'l Daniel's frantic, lead-fisted efforts this Lent to stop the sheep he's already lost from straying will be enough for them to break all ties with the diseased, dying West Chester sect.

Most cultlings with a shred of conscience left will get Dannie's number sooner or later. When it's called, then

B I N G O!

Gerties can collect their winnings: a Catholic life free from manic fundraising, uncharitable infighting, family-splitting dissension, and, most of all, incompetent play-acting. Why not enter this new life starting on February 26? Skip Wee Dan's "devil's week" carnival. Go home to prepare for a soul-purifying Lent at another area chapel. You've got lots to choose from.

Your children will remember you fondly in their prayers of thanksgiving.

* In England on Shrove Tuesday, a church-bell was rung to announce the time to make pancakes to use up eggs and milk before the Lenten fast. Dannie's just anticipating by a few days so he can ring in his Lenten galas to get everyone in a party-hearty mood.

** For someone who rails against women in skimpy clothing, we're surprised the Pecksniffian Prelataster referenced "Mardi Gras," the U.S.version of pagan excess and feathered, fleshy license. A quick look at the images on the web would make a old roué blush. And for those who think that by 2017 Carnival has lost its past sordid associations, read this excerpt from the travel brochure Postcards touting Venice's modern revival of the licentious fête:
This pre-Lent festival started in the 11th century when Venetians would wear masks to conceal their identity so that they could mix with different social classes and indulge in illicit activities, including gambling and clandestine affairs.
 Is that how "fellow Catholics" are supposed to "connect"?

*** With the inadequate "formation" Deficient Dannie received, he probably was never nurtured on Aristotle's Nichomachean Ethics or Aquinas's commentary on that classic. He never learned that "full happiness, then, [lies] not in childish play" (1176b27-28, our translation).    


  1. Good job. $GG is not a place for Catholics.

    Did you read Dolan's bulletin? There are no more pot luck dinners. He's supplying the food this year. He must be desperate. Fridays menu looks disgusting. "Beans, ravioli, salad, and fruit follow the mac and cheese as the evening menu." Just like you predicted a couple weeks ago. Glad we left $GG years ago.

    1. Here we go again.
      Nothing better to say.
      Have a great day!

    2. Yes, 2:32, we did read the bulletin. In all honesty, we were only close on the menu items: Dannie left out the cauliflower, cabbage, and broccoli! All that pasta with the legumes and cheese, however, should "perfume" the dump almost as surely as the crucifers.

      Dannie must think busy Gerties aren't attending his side shows because they don't have time to prepare a dish to help feed the ravenous "clergy." What he wrote is very interesting:

      This year the ladies of the parish have stepped up to make it easier for you to enjoy the devotions. No pot-lucks this year! Just come and enjoy a meal prepared for you. Each Friday will bring a different flare of taste.

      We have a few of questions for $ocial-Director Dan:

      (1) Who's paying for the food? The poor Gertie hags who got stuck with all the cooking and serving?

      (2) Are any of the "clergy" helping out, or will they just show up to wolf down all the starchy, cheesy mess and leave the salad and fruit for those who weren't first in line?

      (3) What exquisite gourmet chef paired beans(!!) and ravioli with macaroni 'n' cheese? And what's the fruit? Stewed prunes?

      (4) Finally, what malformed idiot wrote that announcement? "Flare of taste" ??? We're not against figurative language, but as any high-school graduate knows, the underlying image has to make sense. For the life of us, we can't see a how a "sudden burst of bright flame of light" goes with "taste," unless low-class Gertie trash are planning to ignite the resultant gas produced by the gut-bustin' menu.

      We can't ask the Wee One those questions because he didn't even show up for his own $ocial $unday bash today. So much talking to him without an appointment.

    3. B o o s t u f f . . .

    4. Indeed, chubby little Dannie makes a perfect beanie boo for misfit trad kids.

    5. Anon. 2:49 PM, when you said, “Nothing better to say,” you were no doubt referring to Dannie’s drivel about his cats in his Bishop’s (LOL) Corner today, right? When will Dimwit Dan realize that a church bulletin is no place for his maniacal musings about these critters. (And his “CATSCAN” joke is so corny, it belongs in a silo!) Dannie mentioned that ashes make good fertilizer. Actually, his 'Corner would make good “fertilizer” (of a different sort, of course!).

    6. Ash Wednesday soon.
      Empty yourself of any hatred.
      Never carry it forward.

    7. Anon. 10:02 PM (you’re probably the same as 2:49 PM), if one follows the logic of your “empty your hatred” admonition, then Our Lord should not have gotten angry at the Pharisees and money-changers in the temple. If you have “nothing better to say” than that, then why don’t you “empty yourself of hypocrisy” and refrain from volunteering any more of your pointless sanctimony.

    8. "When will Dimwit Dan realize that a church bulletin is no place for his maniacal musings about these critters. (And his “CATSCAN” joke is so corny, it belongs in a silo!)"

      What about in a video of meet our future priests--where seminarians opine they don't know what they'll be doing when they become a priest, but their current duties of taking care of "fat cat" should give them a big hint (what a cat joke and not a funny one either)!

      See @ 30:50

      Maybe it's sumthin' to do w/the Thuch line! "One account includes the mewing of Thuc's Siamese cats during the consecrations."

    9. Yeah, that "CATSCAN" is pretty lame. Just like Dannie's equally stupid "cat'lick."

      Something is definitely wrong with all these guys. The inclusion of the "fat cat" in the seminarian interview was positively SICK!

  2. Oh I thought you knew what Dan meant by his "feline references" - he's not really talking about his cats he uses them as stand-ins for people he's targeting. Re-read the section about the "cats" in this week's "Corner" they were looking at back issues of the bulletin, but they never read the column. The people scavenging through the bulletin are people trashing him online - nit-picking (as he would see it). He always uses the animals to target his enemies. He explained it to me once but I cannot recall after more than 15 years. He either said a saint did the same or somebody else in the Trad world - but that's the real meaning behind the "feline forays". The raccoons = ditto.

    1. Oh and the "bunnies" = himself and the gang.

    2. What's for dinner folks? Pancakes!

    3. Anon 6:30,

      Now that's a very interesting point! It certainly explains why he keeps on repeating the obnoxious meme.

      What Dannie's missing, then, with his feline fables is that PL always reads the "Corner." And we're not "mostly silent."

      He can't get rid of the raccoons, and he won't get rid of his critics online.

      Wee Dan is losing it. Big time.

    4. No: "rich mac & cheese!"

      "They hadn’t done this, I thought…during the whole time of Fr. Cekada’s illness! Only now. Do they know something we don’t, these mostly silent felines? Well, I resolved, no wonder we call it a CATSCAN. Probably named after them!"

      How is this referring to "his enemies?" Seems to be indicating the cats are happy /back to normal because they sense Fr. Cekada has recovered.

      Definitely whacko--will give you that. Wonder if someone can be certified based on bulletin corners?

    5. THE READER - yes ! You have the key exactly to how he thinks. ANONYMOUS @ 8.11 pm - nice try to derail Dan's real meanings - I should know - he told me that animal posts have a double meaning and almost always refer to people (i.e. whoever he has in his sights).

    6. From now on, 8:49, we're going to read those creature capers a lot more carefully, studying them closely for any hidden meanings or references.

      Before these comments, we just skimmed them over in amused disgust. Now we'll examine them with highly interested disgust! We'll also have to revisit the episode about the mice in the "Young Fathers'" fridge: does that mean he wants his critics out in the cold?

      More hermeneutical fun times ahead. Thanks to all who shared the tip.

    7. P.S., 8:49,

      Do you think the mutilated baby bunnies refer to the poor kids victimized at SGG School?

    8. Is Dolan saying saints used the parish bulletin to get their 'enemies' and/or send coded messages to their zombies about how under attack they were? Dolan surely has bats in the belfry, but who would continue to attend such a church after the pastor had confided such information? Lends credence to past comments that the seal of confessional is violated at SGG. Clerics can't control their urge to gossip and manipulate, but parishioners play along by somehow wanting to be above their fellow parishioners/on the inside, i.e. belong to a clique/gang rather than to the mystical Body of Christ. What corrosive poison.

      Maybe all the food references are serving double duty to entice the parents and pass on pedophile events/gossip about their children. Anyone want to confess receiving any "confidences" from Dolan concerning his food references?

    9. Anon. 8:11,

      You know, it may all be just a matter of interpretation. With the cats' running around, Dannie might be saying that critics like PL are scampering away in fear of a newly restored Checkmeister. (BTW< we hope he come back: we're eager to expose more of his ignorance.)

      Dannie likes to be cryptic. He probably imagines himself the oracle of SW Ohio, uttering his veiled pronouncements from the depths of the collapsing cult center.

      In the coming weeks and months, everybody will get a chance to try to divine what Delphic Dan means in future "Corners." PL is considering a regular feature where it guesses the meaning of the Wee One's fables and asks cyberspace to chime in with their own reading. The tentative title for the series is The "Bishop's (?)" Bestiary.

  3. "He always uses the animals to target his enemies. He explained it to me once but I cannot recall after more than 15 years. He either said a saint did the same or somebody else in the Trad world - but that's the real meaning behind the "feline forays". The raccoons = ditto."

    Surely DD can'be referring to St. Ignatius Martyr: "From Syria even to Rome I fight with wild beasts, by land and sea, by night and by day, being bound amidst ten leopards, even a company of soldiers, who only grow worse when they are kindly treated."

    Who used wild animals not "to target his enemies," but "rejoiced when he heard the roaring of the lions set loose to devour him, exclaiming: 'I am the wheat of Christ; may I be ground by the fangs of wild beasts and become bread agreeable to to my Lord!'"

  4. "Lenten Supper: Beans, ravioli, salad, and fruit follow the mac and cheese as the evening menu."

    "What exquisite gourmet chef paired beans(!!)
    and ravioli with macaroni 'n' cheese?"

    Maybe you should consult the urban dictionary:

  5. PL,

    Sorry for the off-topic question but, being that Lent started today, do you know if the 40 day fast was observed in Italy before Vatican II? I mentioned somewhere else that Wee Dan said that the USA was the only country where the full 40 day fast was obligatory before V2.

    1. One of the Readers lived in Italy from 1954-1957, as a child, but since he lived with American parents, he doesn't recall whether the Italians observed the Lenten fast. Like him, his Italian friends wouldn't have been been obliged to fast. To find out whether Wee Dan is right or not, you'll have to do some first hand research with knowledgeable Italians. We wish we could help on this one. We spoke to some Italians of our age but they really don't recall. There were many shortages there after WWII and their recollections are imperfect.

    2. Maybe they already suffered so many privation from the shortages after WWII that their fast was mitigated. Prior to WWII it was probably more strict than in the USA.

    3. The question is worth taking the time to do research. The Readers often vacation in Italy. The next time one of us goes there, we'll do some asking around. Remember we have only Dannie's "authority" to tell us the US was the sole country to observe the fast strictly. And as we all know, he's no scholar.

    4. We really don’t see Dannie’s point in making all that fuss about the US being the only country to keep the Lenten fast, as Dannie has already demonstrated that he himself often DOESN’T. When he doesn’t feel like “fasting,” he simply skips off to Mexico to gorge on “copious quantities of meat,” as he did the other year. So, his bragging about that seems to be a little HYPOCRITICAL – and pointless.

    5. And the beauty of Dannie's ploy is that he gets another luxury vacation abroad!

      The li'l ol' "bishop (?)" sure knows how to max out his bennies, while the Gerties are left to their sooooooooooooop, doesn't he?

    6. Sounds good.

      When's the next trip to Italy?

    7. One Reader is thinking of going when most of us will be at the Lay Governance Conference sometime in late summer, early fall However, he hasn't set the itinerary yet.