FEEDING UPON CHARITY

The dispensing of injustice is always in the right hands. Lec

For almost a decade, you've confronted on these pages numerous arguments for withholding financial, moral, and material assistance from the SW Ohio cult, all of which have been substantiated by the cult masters' very words or deeds. Many out there have listened and acted, but a few continue to resist our repeated invitation to STARVE THE BEAST.

Maybe what's needed is one thin, solitary straw to break the back of their reluctance. You know— not something big, like abetting the violation of the Church's law of abstinence, but something that appears minor, yet isn't: Some little incident to prove the Gerties are wasting their money, time, sweat, and good faith, while they get the short end of the stick.

Wee Dannie's January 7 "Corner," we'd say, loaded on that last straw (emphasis ours):

I would like to ask you to join our CAT club at St. Gertrude the Great. No, nothing to do with Caravaggio or Puccini, cat food or vet trips. CAT stands for some-thing like “Cars and Transportation,” actually “Clergy Airport Transportation,” I guess. In a word, it assembles our drivers who would be willing to give an airport ride or pickup for the good Fathers going about their mission rounds. We’re low at the moment, and nobody picked up Fr. Lehtoranta returning from his Milwaukee Christmas. I was mortified. It seemed a little unfriendly. Cold. And at Christmas. He took a cab. He and I are holdouts, dummies I guess, without Smart Phones. So, no Uber either.

Whoa, Nelly! If that doesn't get the few remaining conscious Gerties to pack their bags (as soon as they stop laughing their heads off), who knows what will?  Dannie's appeal so richly bears out everything we've heretofore posted that an analysis for souls who aren't quick on the uptake seems to be the order of the day.

Suppose we start with the confession "We're low at the moment." Of course, the cult's low on drivers. The Gerties are wising up, refusing to subsidize the expenses of far-away "missions," from which they receive no benefit. These excursions are moneymakers and mini escapes for the "clergy." Why should $GG culties sacrifice their precious free time, waste their gasoline, and suffer wear-and-tear to their vehicles by hauling those freeloaders around to serve outsiders? Charity begins at home, so the proverb goes.

Where's the equity in Gerties' abandoning their families — "at Christmas" — to venture out into the "[c]old" to keep expenditures down for strangers? To us, that's "unfriendly," not to mention grossly unfair.  If "missions" hire out one of Dannie's "priests," then the cost of airport transfer should be built into the fee they pay: that's how consultants/contractors in the business world do it. By cadging free rides, "One Hand" unjustly saddles some Gerties with an extra collection from which they derive zero advantage, spiritual or otherwise.

In addition to confirming the Gerties' unwillingness to support the SW Ohio sectarian scheme, the Wee One's appeal betrays the cult-masters' managerial ineptitude. If he and the "good Fathers" can't get their act together to design and monitor a rudimentary motor pool, then they most likely haven't the competence to husband the culties' weekly donations. Can't the "clergy" build a master schedule for "missions," at least on a semi-annual basis?

With a schedule in place, no one could be taken by surprise, unless a volunteer, for some reason, couldn't complete his assignment. And in that case, more than likely, the individual would call to advise the cult masters to find a replacement, say, one of the bone-idle "clergy" lounging around decrepit $GG. If our Pedestrian Prelate had been able to learn to drive, like normal folks, he could contribute his fair share of the work.* 

Therefore, from a managerial point of view, we see no reason for him to be "mortified." If you refuse to — or cannot  — plan, then snafus are bound to be your lot. And we hardly need to add that the Forlorn Finn is no princeling or distinguished guest deserving of chauffeur service. (He may not even be a "priest.") That said, however, we do think Dan's mortification was authentic.

The Readers consulted the search engine RideGuru and found that a one-way taxicab ride from the Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky airport to rodent-infested $GG would cost around $71.54, without tip. A standard gratuity would bring the fare to $82.27.

No wonder His Indigency was "mortified"! 

That's the check for hors d'œuvres, an entrée, dessert, and maybe a glass or two of house wine at La Petite France Restaurant and Bistro, a onetime favorite hangout before money grew tight after the calamitous 2009 $GG $chool $candal. (With a coupon, he could then afford to leave a proper tip.**) That cab fare must've hurt, seeing that it resulted in the ad-hoc creation of another resource-gobbler à la "Cucina Clerical."

Now if the SW Ohio cult had any business sense, the kingpins would've purchased a smartphone group plan for the "clerical" crown crew. With the "Uber" or Lyft app at his fingertips, the Forlorn Finn could've hailed a ride setting Dannie back a mere $37.87.  Adding in a 15% tip, the trip would've amounted to just a tad more than half the cost of a cab, plenty of dough for two adults to take advantage of the Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday dinner buffet at The Farm. As much as we don't want to give "One Hand" credit for anything, we'll agree with him on one point: it's plain dumb not to own a smartphone today when you travel frequently.

The time has come to close down the little that remains of Panhandlin' Dan's failed venture. Business basics are a challenge for him anyway.  From everything we've seen, the cult masters couldn't get lab rats on hormones to breed during mating season.  Furthermore, it's manifestly unjust for the Gerties to subsidize the cult's "mission rounds," the purpose of which is to suggest Dannie still has influence, provide jobs to sorry completers the pesthouse doesn't want, and bring in a little extra cash.

The fair thing for Dannie and his malformed "clergy" to do is to join the CAT Club for "dummies" without smartphones:

The Call A Taxi Club.

* One explanation for the "clergy's" apparent aversion to sharing "CAT" responsibilities equally with the Gerties may be the time involved: round-trip from the airport to the ramshackle industrial-park cult center takes about an hour and 20 minutes, longer during the rush. If the "clerical" pickup doesn't want to wait for his ride, then the driver has to do the waiting, so add another 10 to 20 minutes. If the pickup expects to be greeted in the terminal and escorted to the car, then add another half hour to 45 minutes, plus the usual exorbitant airport short-term-parking charge. And if the flight is delayed ...  well, you get the picture: better to inconvenience harried Gerties than the loafing "clergy."

**If he thinks he's above coupon clipping, there's always 10% off for presenting his AAA membership card.  But on second thought, since Dannie can't drive, he's probably not a member.