As any veteran traveler will attest, a costly vacation beyond America's borders yields more than memories of fine dining on "copious quantities of meat." It clears the cobwebs from your brain. It emboldens you. It liberates you from responsibilities at home. But most of all, it renews your resolve to keep on traveling.
His Vagrancy is proof of these positive effects. Look what a change a few days of leisure tourism in the middle of Lent has wrought for Dannie! A week or two ago, the Dirtbag furtively escaped to sunny, fast-mitigated México lindo without so much as a squeak until he was safely over the border.
Amazingly, he returned completely transformed. Gone is the self-conscious fear of confessing yet another frightful waste of the laity's scarce resources. No more faint-hearted, after-the-fact excuses. No, Sir! He'll brook no restraint henceforth. Just look how His Insistency put the penny-pinching Gerties on notice in last week's "Bishop's (?) Corner":
Thank you for your prayers for my Mexican trip, which went very well. These are always tiring but energizing affairs. We have so much at St. Gertrude the Great. It’s good to get out each month and share the wealth. Of course, thanks to the wonders of modern communication, this can be and is, done every day. “The word goes forth.” God bless the angels of the internet. “Unto all the earth.” Still, we should be sensible of all we do have, and of all those souls who don’t, and show ourselves generous and grateful.In case you missed the point of the above "Declaration of the Wandering Rights of Dan," we'll deconstruct this monument to effrontery. Dannie's feeling exhilarated from this last trip abroad. It's been a while since he got out of town, and he's pretty p.o.'d that the cultlings have made him feel self-conscious about the huge expenses he's racked up. As you can read for yourself, he's sick of inventing pious excuses. From now on, Dan's going to "get out each month" so he can "share the [Gerties'] wealth."
That means there's likely to be a whole lot of foreign travel as Wee Dan "goes forth" on a regular basis, whether the dirty Gerties like it or not. Awaiting Dan the Travelin' Man is a big, wide world of vacation adventure "[u]nto all the earth," or, at least, unto Mexico and the southern hemisphere.
His Itinerancy is no arm-chair sojourner who gets his kicks from browsing the 'Net or thumbing through glossy travel brochures. The SGG zombies better realize (= "should be sensible") that he hasn't been wandering as much as he used to. Therefore, the time's come for them to be "generous and grateful," that is to say, "generous and grateful" to His Spendthriftiness and his posse: The SGG "clergy" don't have everything they think they're entitled to.
To show the cheapskates he means business, "One Hand"put the Gerties' money where his mouth is. As soon as he laid down the new rules, he wrote,
But this week is not so quiet for Fr. McKenna, who travels to Quito, Ecuador for Mass and a Conference on true Catholicism. Please pray for our missionary who is trading the frozen north for the elevated Andes.Isn't he marvelously bold as brass? Why, it's almost heroic. No explanation where the money's coming from. From the "bishop's" fund? Or perhaps from the Ecuadoran hosts? Ummmm, how about from Uneven-Steven's piggy bank? Nope. Radio silence. No justification at all. Not even a few words about the conference so as to sweeten another budget-bustin' South American trip for the tapped-out Gerties. Just an in-your-face ultimatum.
Now that's standing tough in front of the uppity laity. You go, Dannie!
With his newly found assertiveness, "One Hand" should strongly consider a little vacation getaway for Checkie Cheeseball so he can take his mind off all those failed videos he's been making. Whenever the Blunderer puts one out, Messrs. Salza and Siscoe brilliantly trash him. The latest imbecility — the one Wee Dan referenced in the same "Corner" — has already been thoroughly debunked. (Click here to read an adroitly written reply to Checkie's spastic mummery.)
It's critical: Dannie's got to get Erroneous Antonius out of Dodge, pronto. Trad Nation knows the Blunderer is incapable of producing a sober, well-articulated response in edited English prose with unified, coherent, and structured paragraphs. You don't need a therapist to tell you there's a limit to how many times a petty narcissist's opponents can have him for lunch before he wigs out in the face of their superior intelligence, educational attainment, and argumentative skill.
The question is, where should the Checkmeister go? He's not sophisticated enough for Latin America, Europe, or Australia and New Zealand. And Dannie's not going to let this pilgrim mosey on out to chic and artsy Santa Fe all by his little ol' lonesome. Nor can "One Hand" send him home to Milwaukee because John "The Lawman" Salza is the new theological sheriff there, and he doesn't cotton to malformed riffraff in his town.
So, with all that superabundant Gertie "wealth," where can Bonehead Tone go to lick the wounds to his out-sized ego?
Our suggestion is Nigeria so he can visit "Father" Nkamuke and his lone seminarian du jour, but maybe those of you in cyberspace have something better in mind. Give us your suggestions in the comments section. Be creative and don't worry about the expense. Since they "have so much at St. Gertrude the Great," the Gerties will foot the bill.
His Improvidency will make sure they do.