DISORDERED ORDO VII

No one escapes talking nonsense; the misfortune is to do it seriously. Montaigne

Pistrina is now in its eighth consecutive month of laying bare the idiocies and illiteracies of little Dannie Dolan's dreadfully executed ORDO 2016. (Remember we posted twice in December 2015 just after "One Hand" put his monstrosity on sale.) Throughout the remaining six months of this year-long, monthly series, we'll be featuring, in addition to the usual errors of language and failures of editorial competence, some liturgical blunders.

We're limiting our discussion of these blunders because liturgical details of this sort are highly complex and super technical. However, although they may not matter much to the average layman, they do matter to priests, who are obliged to say the divine office and celebrate Mass correctly. (They also hope the ordo they use is both accurate and not misleading.)

But before we get into this week's examples of ineptitude, we need to pause at mid-year to ask, Who really produced the Iliad of errors that the cult put out as its ORDO 2016? All along we've assigned the blame for all the boo-boos to "One-Hand Dan," and rightly so, because the embarrassing project was issued as $GG's ordo, and Wee Dan is MR. $GG.

But, let's all get real, shall we? Wee Dan hasn't the pluck, work ethic, or background to assemble and transcribe a full year's worth of text from old ordines. True, he's ignorant enough to commit all the blunders we've uncovered, but we can't see his sitting down and doing all the grunt work to grind out 110 word-processed pages of trash on his own. The guy doesn't drive a car, so how could we expect him to produce camera-ready copy for an error-infused ordo?

No way. Someone else has to be co-responsible for the mess. But who?

Checkie comes first to mind, primarily owing to all the bad Latin and all the editorial inconsistencies. But we can't envision the Cheeseball's knuckling down to compiling an ordo when he'd much prefer dabbling in his smarmy "Internet apostolate" on YouTube. (It's Tradistan's version of "Pee Wee's Playhouse.") So, more likely, we'll have to put the finger on one of the Young Fakers at $GG.  For obvious reasons, it could never be that hopeless yokel Lurch. However, it might be either Uneven-Steven or, with infinitely greater probability (considering Uneven's irregular "formation" [LOL]), the Forlorn Finn (unless the "principal" was drafted to do the job).

Isofar as we haven't yet confirmed the co-compiler's alter ego, we decided to invent a name so Dannie can share the blame with some concrete personage. Nothing apropos came to our minds until one of our learned commenters, the superb Tarquinius, reminded us of the late Umberto Eco's feral character Salvatore of Montferrat (appearing in the dazzling postmodern novel, The Name of the Rose). The narrator's description of this man-beast's speech fits the $GG co-compiler to a tee:

...I could never understand then, what language he spoke. It was not Latin, in which the lettered men of the monastery expressed themselves, it was not the vulgar tongue of those parts, or any other I had ever heard...I realized Salvatore spoke all languages, and no language. Or, rather, he had invented for himself a language...but [it was] precisely the Babelish language of the first day after the divine chastisement, the language of primeval confusion. Nor, for that matter, could I call Salvatore's speech a language, because in every human language there are rules and every term signifies ad placitum [= "by agreement"] a thing, according to a law that does not change...And yet, one way or another, I did understand what Salvatore meant...(pp. 46-47 of W. Weaver's 1983 translation).

Salvatore of Montferrat it is, then! Simply perfect for the blithering idiot who helped put together Dannie's disaster! For short, we'll call him "Silly Sal" from now own.

With the co-compiler's name settled, it's time for a quick look at Dim Dan's and Silly Sal's goofs for this month. We'll begin with what we think is a really easy-to-understand liturgical faux pas (at least on the part of these Tradistani fanatics): While examining Dannie's ORDO 2016, we Readers were struck by a note subjoined to four First Saturdays (Jan. 2, Feb. 6, Sep. 3, and Dec. 3), which allowed a votive Mass of the Immaculate Heart of Mary. Since we hadn't seen such a note in the pre-1955 American ordines in our collection, we were puzzled — until an authentic liturgical expert informed us that the practice originated in the 1960 (!!!) rubrics (cf. NR, #385 [c]).

Looks like someone got something confused.

Dumbo Dannie's and Silly Sal's liturgical confusion, as usual, extends to Latin usage.  Consider this garbled note for March 25 (p. 35):

Annuntiatio BMV die 4 Aprilis translatum

Although the text is sheer nonsense, here's one literal translation (if such a thing is possible here):

The Annunciation of the BVM from the 4th day of April a transferred thing*

Huh?????

H-E-L-L-O-O-O,  S-A-L-V-A-T-O-R-A-A-A-Y-Y-Y-Y...

O.K., O.K. O.K., you rabid, depraved cultlings!

We hear your guttural protests that Dannie's and Silly Sal's horrific Latin is still intelligible. Fine by us, then! We'll concede the Latin doesn't have to be grammatically or syntactically correct in order to figure out that the Feast of the Annunciation for the year 2016 is transferred to April 4 owing to Good Friday's falling on March 25.

HOWEVER, we do insist: if you're producing a Latin ordo, then the instructions shouldn't be written in dog Latin. We affirm they should be written in the Latin of the "lettered men of the monastery," and not in Salvatore of Montferrat's somehow decipherable gibberish.

Apparently what happened was that Silly Sal and Dimwit Dannie confused the verbal formulae for the starting- and end-points of a transferred feast. And since neither understands Latin, they used the wrong verb form — probably because their models were abbreviated, and our two sede clowns didn't have the requisite knowledge to expand them correctly. We'll explain s briefly as we can:

Translatum is a (neuter) perfect passive participle meaning "(having been) transferred," the neuter noun festum ("feast") — or even officium ("office") — being the understood antecedent. In the competently executed ordines of the past, it's used on the day to which (viz., Apr. 4) the feast is transferred, not on the day from which it's transferred (viz., Mar. 25). Silly Sal and Dannie, copying from a good model, get this right on April 4 with their Transl. ex 25 Mar. (= translatum ex 25 Martii, "transferred from March 25"). Inasmuch  as they were content to reproduce the abbreviated phrase of their original, they dodged a bullet there.

As for the gobbledegook they printed for March 25, we have no idea how they could have botched it so grotesquely. In a number of American ordines, we've seen a note something like the following: Fest(um) Annuntiat(ionis) B(eatae) M(ariae) V(irginis) transf(ertur) in  [arabic numeral] April(is) — "the Feast of the Annunciation of the BVM is transferred to the xth of April."

The question is: Why didn't these Bozos just reproduce, with the appropriate date change, that abbreviated text instead of trying to make up their own? Maybe they were trying to show off or to differentiate their edition from other editions. Who knows what goes on in these morons' minds? The better question, however, is How did they make such a galactic blunder if they had models in front of them?

One possibility is they might have confused the letter f in the abbreviation transf for the letter l in the abbreviation Transl, and as a result fell flat on their ignorant faces as they tried to spell the word out. To be sure, if either one of the idiots had studied first-year Latin, he would have sensed something was wrong since Annuntiatio is feminine and therefore couldn't be modified by the neuter translatum.

Their ignorance of basic Latin as well as their unfamiliarity with liturgical-Latin usage also caused another HUGE error — the word die in the ablative case (the "from" case in its true ablative function).  First off, these two knuckleheads didn't have enough sense to realize that in a liturgical note like this, you're pointing TO a future date, so the ablative is wrong. Furthermore, the blunder shows Dannie and Silly Sal aren't familiar with standard rubrical texts where the usual idiom "to transfer to" is transferre in + the accusative case.** Accordingly, if they had to insert the Latin word for "day" (as do some liturgical books), they should have written "in diem 4 Aprilis."

PL has said it a thousand times, but we'll say it again. Little Dannie Dolan and his whole cult crew are faking it. They're trying to trick you into believing they're the Church's last stand so you'll hand over your money to keep the crumbling cult center afloat. It's a sure bet that if he's wrong about the liturgy, he's wrong about theology. You can put an end to all Wee Dan's confounded babbling about stuff he knows nothing about:

JUST STARVE THE BEAST!

*Of course, you could argue that, by translating it as "the Annunciation of the BVM on the 4th day of April [is] a transferred thing," you get something that very distantly approaches sense. But that's a laughable stretch. Besides, no Catholic liturgist has ever written such a barbarity. The shades of Gavantus would shriek, no doubt.

** Here are only a few of many, many examples culled almost at random from the literature, which will illustrate how ignorant Dumb Dannie and Silly Sal are of liturgical Latin usage. In the Rubrics we find the following: transfertur in primam diem and transfertur in Feriam secundam sequentem. Among liturgical writers we find transferenda sunt in aliam diem (de Herdt), transferenda sunt in proximiorem insequentem diem (Wuest),  transferatur in aliam diem and transfertur in 25 junii (Callewaert), and in quam diem festa transferri debeant (Wapelhorst).  In the Roman Missal we find transferenda sit in Dominicam majorem. Some authors (v.g., Wuest and Bouvry) occasionally use ad instead of in, but the object of the preposition is always an accusative. It's as plain as the nose on your face (unless you're Salvatore of Montferrat, that is): Dannie and Co. don't really study the liturgy or else they would've correctly used this very common liturgical expression. All they really can do is put on dolly-dress-up shows, for which you don't need any Latin or professional rubrical knowledge.

SUMMER 2016 MAILBAG

Editor's Note: The Readers have received heavy e-mail traffic this summer about one of the phrases we've been using lately. Since the following inquiry is typical, we thought we ought to supply a more public answer, in case others had the same question.

PL or Readers

You keep praising priests who have "been through the system" over the sede's. What system are you talking about? Do you mean a tridentine seminary? How can that be if they don't exist? (Don't get angry. This is NOT an attack. I want to understand what you mean.)

The only time we become angry is when we learn of additional abuses at the hands of the money-grubbing cult masters and their malformed "clergy." (Our latest ire-raising investigation concerns "The Case of the Purloined Chalice." We hope to report on it in the future.)

Our correspondent's question's a good one, and from the volume of mail on the same topic, it's worth a dedicated post, particularly since we hadn't considered the possibility the phrase wasn't self-explanatory.

By "the system," we mean day-to-day Roman polity, the Latin Church's distinct way of managing ecclesiastical affairs, which is only understood by having participated in — by having gone through — the institutional Church. Contrary to what the cult fibbers want you to believe, not everything was lost after the Vatican II catastrophe. A large portion of the bureaucratic mores and folkways —many of which had been transmitted directly and without interruption from ancient imperial times — survived. (Bergie's out to purge those now.)

Those who operate in the post-conciliar Church may no longer be Christian, but they still possess, in virtue of their membership, time-honored know-how and institutional memory. For informed students of organizational theory and behavior, our assertion will come as no surprise.

The sense of how things are done in the Church, an important part of ecclesiastical Romanitas, cannot be mastered without direct and prolonged contact with the Church quâ institution. A formation outside that sphere spawns babbling defectives, who resort to making it all up as they go along. Despite flabby arguments to the contrary, no amount of independent study can compensate for the missing concrete experience.

For that reason, insofar as all the U.S. cults' make-believe "seminaries" have never been part of "the system," none of their malformed completers can be said to possess the appropriate background necessary for the authentic practice of the Catholic priesthood and episcopacy. Therefore, in addition to lacking a commission from the Church, these outsiders haven't the essential cultural profile of a Roman Catholic churchman. The only men in Traddilandia, then, who've "been through the system" are the FSSP, the large majority of SSPX along with many of their former members, and ex-Novus Ordo priests and seminarians who have returned to tradition. Tradistanis don't count!

At this point, the question demanding an answer is whether the senior sede cult kingpins can be regarded as having "been through the system." Right off the bat, Pivvy must definitely be excluded since he's a home-grown product of the ever-alien, completely marginalized CMRI. What then remains is to assess whether Dannie, Big Don, and Phony Tony can be thought of as having "been through the system." To be sure, their online biographies could argue for that status. 

Wee Dan began his priestly studies in 1965 in the Detroit minor seminary and then fled to the Cistercians before he scampered off to Écône, at last receiving, according to nine priests and at least two eyewitnesses, one-handed priestly orders in 1976. Bonehead Tone has a marginally better record, managing to get (only heaven knows how) a bachelor's from the Milwaukee seminary in 1973, spending a couple years with the Cistercians, and then somehow making it into Écône, with priestly ordination in 1977.  Big Don, a.k.a. "Tradzilla," outshines the dullard Checkie: he graduated cum laude in classics from the Brooklyn seminary college in 1971, entered Écône in the same year, and was finally ordained a priest in 1975.

But a closer analysis of their downmarket curricula vitæ is in order.

We'll start with the dumbest of the Terrible Trio. In his Wikipedia bio (autobiography?), there is absolutely no mention of Deficient Dan's receiving an undergraduate credential, so we may infer he lacks a degree. Furthermore, by his own admission, he had to use Waldo Sweet's much maligned textbook to get enough Latin to squeak into Écône. (Question: Why didn't he use Scanlon and Scanlon? Too challenging?)

He was therefore an academic outsider when he arrived in Switzerland, where, in Dan's time there, the archbishop was struggling to cobble together something that remotely resembled a Catholic seminary. Consequently, we may safely conclude that Li'l Daniel, with his exceedingly  spotty formation, was never really "in the system." At best, the Wee One had his runny nose pressed against the steamy window as he longingly peered in from the outside on his tippy-toes. 

In contrast to "One Hand's" lack of credentials, Checkie's and the Donster's undergraduate leaving-certificates from diocesan seminaries would seem to qualify them as having been "in the system." The considered short answer, however, is, not quite. Tony Baloney was just 21-22 years of age when he completed his seventies-era Milwaukee schooling, and Big Don probably about the same when he finished his bachelor's.

To really have been "in the system," you've got to devote several adult years on the inside, internalizing its ways, absorbing the organizational lore. Donnie and the Cheeseball, however, spent their formative early adult years only at newly established Écône and in the nascent U.S. SSPX, when things were still very much in flux. 

As Bp. Andrés Morello, a former SSPXer, has written of his own experiences in those early years, the quality of formation he received back in the magnificent Argentine seminary he attended before entering the SSPX was far superior to that offered at Écône. From what we've learned, it was only in the late 1970s and early 1980s that the seminary found its firm footing. (That's why the younger members of the "Nine" who studied at Écône are so much better prepared academically and culturally.) Accordingly, we're forced to conclude that Tony Baloney and Big Don, while light years ahead of "One-Hand Dan," cannot themselves be regarded as having "been through the system." At best, we may say they had some contact with it, but not enough to transform them into anything like genuine Catholic clergy.

What, you may be asking at this point, is the practical value of all this for the morally centered, cult-hating trad, lay or "clerical"?

In our view, there are two lessons.

The first is for the lay leaders of independent chapels looking for a priest or hoping to replace malformed cult "clergy": interview only former Novus Ordites who have embraced tradition, and never consider any candidate from one of the hyper-inferior sede vocational-training programs.  If you're concerned about the validity of these superior candidates' orders, don't be. There are many such clergy available who have been conditionally ordained by traditional bishops who possess multiple lineages; therefore, the threat of invalidity is greatly mitigated. Remember: the cult kings can boast of but one line, that of Thục. And as in the case of "One Hand Dan," a possible defect may have vitiated the validity of holy orders coming from him.

The second lesson is for those "priests" whom Tradzilla has targeted for membership in his new organization (that is, if he ever gets around to founding it as he promised way back in May). Why would they want to submit themselves to all the wacko demands Tradzilla will make on them, if he really hasn't "been through the system"? They're better off signing up for that new Pastor Bonus Forum founded by an ex- Novus Ordo nun who served in the institutional Church for many years (click here.)  Having spent quite a bit of time in Italy, this "Arch-Abbess of Tradistan," who's fluent in Italian, has authentic experience, unlike the amateurish Donster.

All the cult meatheads could learn a lot from her. We wish her every success in her effort to organize sede "clergy" under someone who knows the Roman way of getting things done. Besides, there's a lot of Oedipal angst out there that needs Sister's firm hand.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

Did you know we are all the object of another's imagination? Carlos Fuentes

In his July 10 "Bishop's (?) Corner," a mere three months after Wee Dan taunted the Gerties with his defiant announcement, "I am in Mexico for another* quick weekend trip" ("Corner,"  4/10/16),  His Itinerancy bragged he would again "head off to Mexico for the weekend"!

If, for reasons of vain prestige, the Gerties, beset by so many expenses like the prematurely wrecked HVAC system, are willing to pay for all Dan's frequent luxury foreign travel, then we suppose it's their money to waste as they please. It's quite possible, you know, they might enjoy underwriting at great personal sacrifice Dannie's apostolate to nowhere south of the border. (Gertie kids don't need to see the orthodontist anyway: One day, when these twisted offspring finally find adult employment in a carnival freak show, they actually may need to eat an apple through the narrowly spaced bars of their cages.)

But (we feel obliged to ask) would they be so heedlessly generous if they knew that Travelin' Man Dan's Mexican enterprise is on the verge of coming apart?

Pistrina has reliable reports that at least one of the chapels has broken with "One Hand" in disgust. It's only a matter of time before the rupture is formally complete. We surmise that Dannie's flown down to try to keep one or another affiliated chapel from breaking away, too. (And who knows what inducements he's taken along?)

Since we don't have confirmed details, however, we'll have to leave it at that. Nevertheless, "One Hand Dan's" got a full-blown crisis on his hands. As usual, the Gerties will have to cough up the cash — just as they've had to bail out Dysfunctional Dan from all the previous messes he's gotten himself into.

But this time it's not fair. This time it's not the Gerties' fault: they've been taken for a ride.

The 2009 $GG School Scandal was a local disaster arising from within the cult's own community. Consequently, the Gerties' reprehensible decision not to exit with the principled moral majority was their own free choice. By staying, they tacitly agreed to assume the greatly increased burden on their family budgets created by the exodus, including paying the salary of the amazingly-still-employed "principal," who brought on the calamity.  The groveling Gerties were depraved to continue enabling the cult masters after what had happened. Accordingly, since they did so fully aware of the circumstances, they don't deserve any sympathy for the non-stop attacks on their wallets after the decent people had left $GG.

However, the current Mexican crisis is a different ball of wax altogether. In this case, the goofy Gertries merit advice and assistance. They have no idea of what's going on. The image in their mind's eye is one of the Dirtbag enjoying a lavish welcome accompanied by tropical flowers; bright-eyed, colorfully attired señoritas; a spirited, thumping banda del pueblo; and loads 'n' loads of those "savory Mexican dishes" so highly prized in the rodent-infested $GG rectory. When Gerties read Wee Dan's novelistic accounts of his "episcopal progress" through Baja, they most likely imagine happy tradicionalistas gathered together in idyllic harmony around the old gringo "bishop (?)."

Beguiled by that imaginative, palm-tree-pocked traddie Arcadia, which Dan has invented to assure frequent tropical vacations, the Gerties may not begrudge His Spendthriftiness the excessive airfare and lodging expenditures as long as so many of the "less fortunate" are delighted to have the scum bucket in their midst. Furthermore, let's not forget that when Dannie got back from his winter Mexican holiday, he gave the cultlings fair warning of his intention to "get out each month and share the [Gerties'] wealth." It's entirely possible they might have agreed with the prodigal prelate's conclusion that "[w]e have so much at St. Gertrude the Great." (Click here for our post.)

Yet ... just like the neocolonialist yarns he spins when he gets back to the raggedy SW Ohio cult center, the adoring Mexican throngs are imaginary, too. As he's done wherever he ventures, "One Hand" has sown discord, division, and disappointment throughout our good neighbor to the south. Certainly that's not what the bled-dry Gerties bargained for. If he had come clean and told the culties that it's just about ready to blow down there so the trip was necessary, then we'd have kept quiet.

But he didn't.

All that wastefulness is quite beyond imagination. When Dannie gets back on Sunday or Monday, it's time to corner him in his shabby office and have a serious talk. (Watch out for the mice!) Dannie's summer getaway coming so soon after his spring fling has to be the last straw.

Quite possibly, the Gerties may be hesitant to confront him about the real purpose behind His Predacity's latest raid on their family budget. They're still so cult-addled they might believe it was just a routine part of his multinational "apostolate." To gauge his earnestness, they should apply the following test: if Dannie boasts that he went to Mexicali, where the average July high temperature is 108º F, you can be almost certain it was an emergency junket on the Gerties' dime to salvage his all-but vanished influence outside the ratty West Chester industrial park.

The cultmasters must be made to recognize that fixing problems caused by their personality disorders does not fall under the category of a legitimate expense. Surely the hundreds of dollars (or more) for airfare and other travel costs could have been better spent on much-needed repairs or saved for the next maintenance disaster threatening decrepit $GG. The cash-strapped cultlings assuredly cannot afford all this frivolous spending on interpersonal disasters of the Wee One's making.

Stop him now from planning and executing a fall foray into México lindo.

Insofar as Li'l Daniel will never listen to reason, no matter how politely the arguments are framed, the Gerties have but one recourse after he angrily shows them the rickety door:

STARVE THE BEAST

*Our emphases. Footloose Dan had just come off a winter visit to his buffoon buddy "El Bocón" with his pack of squealing chihuahuas in Juárez (in late February to early March).

CALENDAR CHURL

Be not swept off your feet by the vividness of the impression, but say, "Impression, wait for me a little. Let me see what you are and what you represent. Let me try you. Epictetus (Oldfather's translation)

A few weeks ago, the June 5 $GG bulletin led us to guess that Dannie and the Cheeseball had launched a recurring feature about the Latin language in a futile effort to impress the Gerties. The  Dummy Duo was obviously trying to pretend they weren't as ignorant as Pistrina has proved. (Of course, the Readers seized that opportunity to demonstrate once again how clueless those pinheads are about both Latin and English.)

Since then, our conjecture has been confirmed: the Wee One floated a second installment on June 19 and then another on July 3. The pattern suggests he may issue a "Latin Hiding in Plain Sight" article every two weeks in order to offset the Readers' scathing exposés of his and Checkie's miseducation. (We write may because the cultmasters are so disorganized and flakey that anything like sustained effort is beyond their limited capacity.)

For the life of us, we can't see why Dannie and Bonehead Tone keep trying to make an impression with their non-existent "learning." Every time we catch them (they should know by now), we "put it out on Front Street," as the kids used to say. Dirtbag Dan and Phony Tony should face up to the hard truth that Latin will forever remain out of their reach. Consequently, they should stop embarrassing themselves with these awkward cover-up attempts, not only in the bulletin but in their other print misadventures as well.

Just take Dannie's shabby "2016 A.D. (sic!) All Saints Roman Catholic Calendar." In the texts of the brief captions to each month's tacky photo, Latin is used only twice in 12 months (viz., March and June), yet in both cases THERE'S AN ERROR! We exposed the June blunder in our post of April 3 (click here), but we've been saving the March moronity for just such an occasion as today. There, under the photo of His Diminutiveness (who's being dwarfed by the ungainly, hulking Lurch at his left), Dannie wrote (emphases ours):

"Ecce lingum Crucis... Behold the wood of the Cross etc."

Well, now,  non-specialist lay people writing to us after our April 3 post saw that Dannie had misspelled the Latin word lignum, i.e.,  g + n, not n + g. They were surprised we hadn't exposed that goof along with the other. You see, everyone wants the cultmasters exposed for the charlatans they are. Thank heavens the u-key is far away from the a-key or else the Gerties might have had to endure a blasphemous Freudian slip hanging on their well-soiled walls for the entire month of March! (Perhaps nostalgia for some ayurvedic spa therapy at the Bishop's Lodge is at the root.)

What's so revealing is that "One Hand" chose to quote only a pair of three-word Latin phrases, yet in both cases he misspelled a Latin word. Then he didn't catch it during proofreading! Making it all the more scandalous is the fact that both phrases come from the liturgy, which Dannie claims to be his area of expertise.That malformed mitered maggot has a profound, insatiable need to impress people, yet he stumbles badly every time, doesn't he?

Dannie's embarrassingly incompetent calendar is bursting with additional examples of this compulsion to make himself look ridiculous. Start with the cover:  instead of simply printing "2016," Li'l Daniel waxes hyper formal with "2016 A.D*." But the problem here is, in formal English usage, that particular era designation properly precedes the year number. Why? Because A.D. = the Latin phrase anno Domini, which means "in the year the Lord."  Hence the year number has to follow the abbreviation.  Dannie's grossly illiterate "2016 A.D." then laughably reads, "2016 in the year of the Lord," which is total nonsense. (It also shows he has no understanding of the Latin behind the abbreviation — the result of gross malformation.) Good scholarship today only recognizes a postpositive A.D. in usages like "the fourth century A.D."—  a less wordy way of saying "the fourth century of the Christian era."

Another instance of how Wee Dan's naked eagerness to impress always ends up exposing his startling ignorance is his failure to include all appropriate accent marks on saints' names. On November 28, he ostentatiously printed the accent aigu on the French surname Labouré, but at the same time he completely missed the tilde for the Spanish servants of God John of Sahagún (June 12), Teresa of Ávila (Oct. 15), and Peter of Alcántara (Oct. 19).

Admittedly many English-language publications omit foreign-language diacritics, although less so nowadays with the near universal availability of fonts with comprehensive character sets. In any case, Dannie should have been consistent: if you use a diacritical mark for one name, you ought to use one for all names that bear such a mark or omit the marks altogether (especially when you obviously don't know the original spelling).

Like all clowns, "One Hand" is at his imbecilic funniest when he clumsily strives to be solemnly impressive. As an example, for December 29, he prints "Thomas à Becket" instead of plain, old "Thomas Becket." No doubt Dannie thought he was being very précieux here by adding the particle. However, as far back as 1859,  the Jesuit John Morris wrote, "[the] form 'à Becket' is a colloquialism of recent date." In 1986, Becket biographer and fellow of the British Academy Frank Barlow concluded, "'à Becket' seems to have been a post-Reformation invention...from which Thomas should be spared." Later in 2014, Prof. Kay Brainerd Slocum confirmed that this "post-Reformation construction [viz. "à Becket"]... has been discarded...."

Alien Dan, as usual, stands on the outside of the academy. Driven by his pathetic obsession to court esteem through affectation, His Errancy continues to perpetuate an error long ago rejected by the literate. To his largely empty but aggressively narcissistic mind, the form "à Becket" looks oh-so proper and exotic. Why, it's the type of impressive knowledge possessed by a deeply cultured and widely revered leading citizen of the Republic of Letters — the kindly, scholarly, cat-fancying "old bishop," generously sharing a lifetime's learning to bring light unto his benighted and blear-eyed culties.

EXCEPT  IT'S ALL BOGUS.

"One Hand" is not even a callow show-off. A show-off at least has tangible accomplishments to display. The schoolyard vulgarian who breaks wind on demand is more worthy of our applause than Blowhard Dan who merely generates hot air infused with error.

Don't listen to him, and don't buy anything he's selling.

STARVE THE BEAST.

* We'll give Dannie a pass — this time — for failing to set the abbreviation in small caps, as educated convention requires. If he doesn't know the usage rule, how could he know the typesetting rule? But since our ancient version of Google's Blogger cannot reproduce small caps, even when we insert them from a Word document, in fairness we've chosen to remain silent about that particular typographical flaw.

"THE HORROR! THE HORROR!"

Of all human powers operating on the affairs of mankind, none is greater than that of competition. Clay

June's over, yet, as of this posts's publication time, we haven't seen that month's pesthouse newsletter online. In May, Tradzilla, a.k.a. the Donster, boasted he'd be leisurely touring the Continent at the end of July, so it's likely there won't be time for another newsletter until after he returns.  (Executive travel abroad to multiple countries requires a lot of prep, you know: it takes time and energy to secure reservations at 5-star hotels, pore over Michelin fine dining guides, schedule costly sightseeing excursions, etc.)

Normally we wouldn't care, but in his last newsletter, you'll remember, Big Don promised he'd "shortly" be founding "an organization of traditional Catholic priests." Ever since then, we've been on pins and needles waiting for the big reveal, which now appears delayed or —  horrible scriptu — even scuttled.

We mean, wouldn't it have been logical to proclaim the new group's foundation before heading off to the Old World in order to high-pressure the suave Continentals to join? What a coup it would have been to round up Stuyver, Trauner, Jacmin, and Héquart in their natural habitat. Tradzilla could then lumber on back to the good, ol' U. S. of A. triumphant over the other cult "bishops," especially his puny rival "One-Hand Dan," who must by now be apoplectic with jealousy at the Donster's expansive European apostolate. After all, "Wandering Bishop of All TradWorld" was the rôle Dirtbag Dan had fictitiously assumed for himself so many years ago, and now it belongs in fact to that upstart Flushing Rat.

All we can say about this eerie radio silence is that something serious — something horrendous — must have happened to keep Big Don's annoyingly loud mouth zipped. The Readers are reminded of 2011: he announced his big $30-k plan, yet there was never so much as a word afterward (click here).

You'll be pleased to learn that Pistrina may know exactly what's behind the Donster's curious taciturnity!

Although the details aren't completely available yet, we've received multiple reports about lay meddlers' shepherding a scheme to unify trad "clergy" by means of a separate, competing outreach effort. Supposedly Don's emergent competition features a super-secret web site with a message board where victimized "priests" may air their grievances or share with each other their nagging concerns about TradNation's discredited "leadership."

The claim-jumping organizers (whose identities remain undisclosed) are said to have once been pretty nasty adversaries of the $GG cultmasters. (Rumor has it they still have an axe to grind.) Moreover, sources swear these bold-as-brass intruders into Discipline Donnie's territory have invited everyone — and we mean E V E R Y O N E — to participate, including "clergy" indentured to dying $GG, the swampland family-run cult, and the hapless CMRI.

If the reports are in any way true, then Tradzilla may be reconsidering his plan to form his new group. All things considered, it won't help his recruitment campaign if there's a horrid gossip site out there where disgruntled "priests" post their gripes about the cultmasters' arrogance and double standards. For instance, what would happen if other "clerical" prospects read a cult "priest's" complaint about receiving a harsh reprimand for eating at Wendy's?

Wouldn't you think some potential members might not want to subject themselves to the same kind of petty tyranny and hypocrisy from a well-known habitué of Panera's? (Unless, to be sure, they could be persuaded that Panera belongs to an ontologically distinct class of fast-food dining establishments and ergo doesn't count. Ah, the utility of a Scholastic background!)

IOHO, the Donster is uncharacteristically wise to put his plans for a new organization on the back burner. A cyber venue where resentful "clergy" vent their pent-up frustration can be not only therapeutic but also dangerously liberating. Just imagine not having to share your bitter chagrin in fearful secrecy with just another whipped coward like yourself. Imagine having a sympathetic audience of 100 or more of your malformed peers, who could offer moral support and goad you to stand up for your rights as a male adult endowed with a free will.

So, then, instead of crying to cult-crazed lay rite-trash about knee-knocking fears that Tradzilla will discover you've been chowing down at Taco Bell, you now have the narrow shoulders of your wimpy brethren on which to wipe your sniffling nose. Unlike the helpless laity, these newly emancipated "clergy" might be able to do something about it. Worried that their own guilty, non-organic dining preferences will suffer severe theological censure, your macho "clerical" buddies might just resist a control-freak Tradzilla when he smashes into their "chapels" roaring for them to submit.

Certainly the Donster may decide to end this horrific threat to his weakening hegemony by taking direct action to condemn the audacious, nascent venture as contrary to the age-old principles of Catholic clericalism.  For instance, he could start by bullying other "clergy" to refuse to sign on. But he'd better do it fast, for the nimble organizers have stolen a march on him. In fact, they may already have a large number of vengeful registrants posting away furiously.  If this new clerical complaint forum catches on, Discipline Donnie might as well kiss his new organization good-bye — along with his own future.

As we said before, there'll be no room for him at the cult compound when Tradistan's latest boy bishop takes over very soon. The real powers in swampy Bonkersville have to be mad as...ah, uh, um... the dickens at Big Don for bringing all this scrutiny down upon the family-controlled cult. Besides, they didn't like "One Hand," Cheeseball Checkie, or the Duo's "contractor" pal in the first place. And now they have to block their social media accounts, no longer able to advertise the good life they enjoy as a result of Tradzilla's flexible standards (where an individual's wealth is concerned) and their abundant family fiscs. We truly understand the plight of the upper-crust swampland élite: It's always a problem when an uppity servant brings trouble back to the manor house as a result of his underclass associations.

However, it looks as though we'll have to wait until Big Don returns from his summer trans-European holiday to find out what he intends to do to stop this horrible incursion onto his fast-receding turf. But by then, it may be too late.

 Bye-bye, Donnie. Your very own Brexit — exit from Brooksville — may just be beginning.